I'm a flighty night owl.

My heads pounding
My necks twisted amuck
think I'mma stop giving a ****
Light up a blunt and do what I want -
woah wait -
ain't that the **** that got me
here in the first place?
Worst case I nervously pace
the halls for a day - two or a weekend
Blasting the weeknd
Entire enviroment reeking
shrieking -
Nah -
I'm better than that.
Can't latch onto the past.
That's the trash that got
us there at the start - instead
I prepare it in art
And share from the heart, with you.
And you.
And you and you and you.
Because why not?
It helps forget about that pinebox looming-
Thinking outside the winebox lucid -
I mean Windex, clean em out
And a win decks, stacks paper chips
You can't say this isn't some matrix blips
I am not losing ****
I am manuevering this beautiful thing
up past this ******* Nuva Ring
Cause that's life - you can get beat
or keep it on a leash - jeez
that's sexist. I don't know
where this became an accepted
comparison, its embarrassing
comparing them - to K9's
But we hear it through the grapevine
Turns of phrase we make fine.

Blue eyes, Long hair -
Her lashes
Leave lashes -
On my skin
So yeah, it's worth the drive.

What's one day in the grand scheme?
mistakes branding bland dreams
realities - future and past halves of me
split personalities
splitting these arteries
the artist in me
scavenging what I can
to understand, why smile
wasting time
tasting wine
erasing mind
until basically blind -
OTC's won't assist this OCD
thinking of insanity, no it won't be me
I refuse, to let this fuse
run out of room - I say, Let it burn.


https://soundcloud.com/the_mjv/ogcjm


.

my eyes feel heavier than usual
i start to wonder if some foreign
substance is crawling through my
endocrine system, mutating my thoughts

follow me.
please. i have no friends.
i work go home and get tense.
please. talk to me.
i have no chance at survival
this downward spiral
under wave that's tidal
there's gotta be another way that's viral
just rhyme on stage and become an idol.
follow me. follow me.
i promise light and night
and flames and ice
and whatever you need to keep the harrowing shrieks at bay
[little do they know it's he who press play]
controversial contraception
better cover your mouth if ya get to guessing
what's coming next - never gonna happen
- even I can't do it.

that's a stupid question
You, resilient ignorant youth.
learning the hard way
is the only way
So don't ask.
We won't tell.
You can decay fast.
And go through hell.
I'd take a stand against misinformation.
But the government passed legislation
that protects the interest of the corporation
While I'm just told to stay patient
My bonus is near.
But they bone us all year.
Its my fault the fear
Assaulted my ears
And I forgot all about my career.
Don't ask stupid questions.
Just do your job.

is this it?
love? looking around
when you're away and it not
being enough?
is this it? what they
say is so pure that has a poet with a loss
for words? four words
I love you forever, forward thinking is us
together - forward thinking is us
forever, twin flame, dew drops
soul mates, that question God
this is it, isn't it?
the resting place of coolness
hatred and creation all in one place it
takes getting used to

witnesses say they heard you say
you were innocent -
unsuspecting audiences quiet to their devices
we were not kids running through fields anymore
we brushed with death breathing fumes
of hatred and virus, the body begins to deteriorate
like a hand soaked in a bowl of gasoline -
the moon falls behind the earth
as you smile until it returns

we skip church on Sundays
to fend off champagne hangovers
wrapped in clouds of soft smoke
and perform oral *** on each other
under blankets and pillows
tangerine sourbet and wet windows
another reason to not leave you, my love
doorways into nightmares i tried to forget
oh this has always been more than enough,
hasn't it?

took writing seriously
i was at a glass desk
with a glass heart
shattered
piecing it back together
with each letter

Phony girl
Only Dials a *******.
Washed up
She's never coming clean.
Soapbox talking,
keeping the conversation flowing.
Just long enough.

as a kid I was told
I’m as mindful as a much
older
person
but lately the soul’s been hurtin'
thinkin' about all the occasions I had
chosen stolen over purchased
God - I wish I'd known it wasn't worth it
but no -
it's too late now
I'm wide awake at my own wake
people cry and face a coffin closed and placed
around it are a bunch of ******* bright flowers and cardboard cards
that'll too, die (relatively) soon.

I fall in love when
the walkways are paved with ice -
Your cold stare
My empty apartment
This dusty coffee table, you once
Placed half full lukewarm beverages
that became forgotten for days as I
woke up and drove places came back
A carousel, and you were the music to my madness - I knew
When you left, this was a
Terrifying place to be alone

i am a shadow of a person
of the person i was
standing hunched over
come back to me, my love
a failed salesman
an honest street pusher
a broken window
a piece of pavement hot
and walked all over
i didn't ask for this
but i do deserve it.

I can see you through this heavenly body
Eternal static to me
is death and life to you
A spec of light
An ocean with depths completely untouched by human skin
My heart beats with anticipation
Sweat beading and tear falling
Hands shaking and thoughts racing
I'd tell you I'm sorry
I'd tell you I didn't know my strength
I'd beg for forgiveness for
exploiting your weaknesses
like a glass bottle broken into a children's sandpit, like a design so flawed
You lived with it.
I can't live with this.

the devil, It asked me too, and
I obliged with great charisma
A welcoming gesture:
Dinner
Drinks
Dancing
Laughter
Each minute lubricant tempting
anticipation in impatient people
Because why not?
The house is so quiet without the cries.
My head, so empty without the dreams.
The bed so still.
Still, I don't know you.

work they say
when I'm at
work
writing poems
when I should
hush
please don't tell anyone
except everyone
accept everyone
poets florists carpenters painters plumbers clowns kings
the exiled
breath their warm woes waiting
the day the sun rises on their shoulders.

awake again always facing only blankness
throwing off the covers of her blanket statements
heart racing
I always imagined critics taking
my art seriously
- never like this though.

A waterfall of coffee.
A night I make it to sleep
before midnight
A fresh battery on my phone
A packed lunch, leafy greens and carrots
ready to go -
The alarm clocks are quiet today
The neighbors are still asleep
The birds are chirping
And there's litter in the street -
All these houses look the same
Different colors, types of wood
Shapes of driveways, and mailboxes
The mailboxes!
Some are red, some are white
Some have flags, some reflect at night
I like it here, she said
It's a new beginning for us
Hand shoulder eyes lit
I love you, she said
I want this to work, she said.
I'm trying.

im not mad
im just disappointed
im just unjust sometimes i lust
after laughter

I am
in amber glow, in wet cacoon
He is reborn
every moment is a chance to be new
But the tides that crash on this cosmic plane,
They drown, they breathe
I am awake but not lucid -
A victim to a story I did not tell -
A ghost in a graveyard
A dog in a basket
My heart on the table
You were destined to leave, I said
The autumn breeze cooling off our coffee -
I watch sunsets just so they burn a little bit

Warm coating
Plastic skin
Cold war, let me in -
I knew you then
Before the shades all fell
I knew you when
The camera lenses were still stable
Rainbow iris and
Mechanical arms, soft gears
Beautiful infrastructure -
That took off years, and added others -
I have dreams of us
still together, still together
Wrapped in blankets, our air
conditioned - our liquids hot
And romantic visits -
And you leave like
There are magnets in your hips -
And you breathe like
Magic leaves your lips -
I love the darkness, the depth of your mouth
Baby, please
Come home, and let me out.

the term reminds me that this body is a home
a home with a blue bicycle on its side
on the lime yellow lawn - patches of rust
and a broken screen door that whines when you open it -
moss and mold, lead paint and live wires exposed
my lights flicker, like my my heart ticks without being told -
cold drafts and rings of stained beer marks on the counter -
an empty fridge, an unkept bed
a broken dish washer, and a sink full
the air is still stale here, she said as she
ashed her cigarette on the floor and smiled

They say it's me
that makes you do things
you might not have done
if I was away
and that it's me
that likes to talk to you
and watches you
as you walk away

don't call me tomorrow
don't send me flowers
don't wish me all too well -
don't leave the sorrow
don't count the hours
just bask in your hell

They say it's me
that makes you do things
you might not have done
if I was away
and that it's me
that likes to talk to you
and watches you
as you walk away

I've fallen asleep at screens
and have had nightmares where
static snow falls and is making a snowman out of me
no - no - I beg and plead
but it happens that I can't move my feet
I look at my phone but for some reason I cannot read -
and as they trudge closer, my frozen cheeks
cracking under the winds shrieks
grow colder against my teeth, chatter
please - i don't want to be a snowman.
and then i wake up.
drenched in sweat again.

who'd have thought it would take so long to drown?
last i checked i can hold my breath for about
fifteen seconds, to then pass out
but it's been fifteen months and i'm still around
so - maybe this game is more like a flame
under a slow boil i suppose
where every other day seems to be the same
and then, there it goes
something feels wrong - off
my stomach churning about to explode - watch
the thoughts - start to drift - lost it's
like old clothes strewn across the carpet - chaos
and i'm off shift racing quick trying not to get ******* car sick -
that's some hardship we were both a part of
so no, this is not home, it's just an apartment
a vacate cell, i temporarily dwell
and then ding that's it - i'm done.

somethings wrong
somethings off
the nights are short
the days are long
bleeding together
it's too raw, being together
it wasn't always awful

but what kind of basis is that for relations?
brutally escaping in even the most catered of places
chasing - those exit signs i guess
bad at following directions i guess -
so much time passed at my expense
with my ex, spent
so much energy on a situation run down
just closure after a foreclosure - back then we both
double-down on what seemed a fortune but where's the fun now?
little did i know we'd both been better off had i chose to ignore you
but of course  explore new
territory, and now it's terrifying
got gory with all the hellish lying
if you hear this, know that i am fine
better than before and
i hope the same for you
and i aim to do what i came to do
though i'm not a soothsayer
i know that i can't abandon a trail
but maybe that's what happens when
gemini tries to stand on the scales
get suspended in air -
she doesn't end in a veil
let me just end it right there.

Sometimes I don't know
Why I write
Or if I spend the right time
Doing the right things -
I've bartered and I've borrowed
Argued plaid lawyers into tomorrow
Became sharper from the sorrow
harder as it narrows
This pyramid scheme
Lain against a sunset exhumes
Perfect contrast.

Poison, poison
she used to tell me I was poison
to everyone, but to her
I was medicine
ah we met in sin
about six drinks in
she used to whisper smirk I was perfect
with red cheeks
tip of your tongue in between teeth
I was an open book
she used to call to say goodnight
and call to say I'm poison
and used to call to cry and tell me she's sick
she used to call and tell me I make it better
she used to call
she used to call
she used to call me poison
And now the phone doesn't move
like the eyes of an insect out of reach,
I'm poison.

I like New England
Nothing is comfortable here. And
I'm in a love that's
ever fading -
every day - palm tree purgatory -
worse, possibly
noise before like
and after even
every vibration of life around you -

the trees are weeping
for those fallen
once deeply rooted
we will all eventually leave
this place cold naked and afraid

her lips pressed against mine
guess
i thought i'd be impressed by
now
this wet met oughta get south
woah -
let's not get ahead of ourselves
take piece of the past
make it a nightmare in fact
so many to choose from
no wonder i never adapted
only reacted always distracted
i can't help it, can you?
living in fear, another year passed
last i remember, it was september
falling tears black - feeling sheer trapped
snap back - to now, i don't know where you are
or who you talk to - what you do
or if i'm in your thoughts still -
and trust me, it's impossible for me to pick up the phone
and call, text or whatever - and forget
sending that letter - i write, like each night
oh well - there's always tomorrow i suppose.

he's all American
blue eyes, red face - white lies
she's all American
blew money, well read, wide eyes -
flipping this coin
I'm about to flip out -
either way, we're headed for failure
tails between our legs - since 9/11
i knew something wasn't present -
maybe that's love
maybe that's greater -
maybe that love, has us meeting our maker -
maybe that love, isn't giving us our sacred ****** -
you arrived at the gates and got an IMAX ticket -
wolves among sheep
i see the future -
money in my pocket for no reason
not yet though, i have to learn
to let go, first

I'm ready to go
she said.
I can't find my keys
need to tie the shoes
sunglasses missing
It's not my fault I'm not ready.

Your sky is pink.
They're eating yellow grass.

I'm at the epicenter of chaos
Syringes for the sick and
Banks robbed by viruses
*** in the palm of my hand.
The streets paved with lies
are decorated by death.
And buildings built
by policies
to build policies (to fill prophesies)

Wicked water, and open wounds
Saturated diets and broken wombs
Your sky is blue
Their water is black
Children's eyes close and never look back.
There are snakes in the sand
Lightening strikes in the distance
I can't see where I stand
And the wind smells of something vicious

Your sky is grey
The loudest one in the room is the TV
Candy and coffee for breakfast.
I'd brush my teeth
But I haven't the time, dearest Siri -
Seriously though
Sometimes I question if I'm the canary
in this binary equation
wondering when it's going to cave in
But its cool, I can be patient.

Another poem you'll never read
Another night I run on all fours
Wild and free.
Another car in the driveway
That was never made
A neighborhood my self conscious subconsciousness
somehow decided to create -
Two male bodies that bear no threat
But to me and my dealings my stomach upset -
Another kiss I never thought I'd taste -
Like flat rinsed toxins running across my face -
My eyes and fingertips forced together
Please don't wake me up
I wish to stay with you forever.

heights aren't so bad
it's the depths i worry about

We walk the web tonight to
trap some putz hugging light like
stars falling without expectations
and longing driveways and rivers
cement and pathogens
to someday be Home for your
occasional lost soul.
Your absense is your absinthe.
The grass chases the moon.
Begging for release, don't just
hide in the shadows - smiling
for freedom.
Go get it.

i should be sleeping
all
the
t i m e
with that type of logic -
if -
i live in public
does that make me homeless ?
if -
the government steals my identity
how can i prosecute who stole it ?
i'm an open
book - chapter 1

where's the fun in giving a life without sin?
like how am i supposed to like you when
the air is still, (and i can't breathe)
the skies are stale (yeah and these)
eyes are filled with hatred tall sorrows and fear -
black tomorrows become numb no longer rare -
walk by the mirror
i don't recognize myself, but all they do is stare
i am sorry we didn't love each other at the same time
i'm sorry i always worried when you'd tell me it's fine
you're by my side down to ride and down to burn down the entire
city if we have too, this place was pretty when i had you -
but then you'd revealed a fury that's blind
reacting in a hurry, this mind, trust? no -
a mantra that's been supplied, leaves it all unfair
when i can't hide - under spotlight
asking myself - who am i - ?
who are you to let me down?
you let me down
you let me down


soundcloud.com/the_mikev/let-me-down/

I can't afford basic income
I'm too full of selfish thoughts
honestly I'd probably just cop a quarter pound of ***
and smoke it down until my entire mind rots
and maybe other people are okay -
letting their private lives be watched - which, for me
is fine - I have nothing to hide, but don't ask
"by us or them?" when we're supposed to be on the same side.

She said
I'll never do it again, I promise.
Ok.
Okay - but... how can I be so sure?
and making mistakes at my expense? how will you ever learn?
because I was aching all over while waking this morning
hands shaking as I'm taking, this medicine
I can't take this, it's making - me sick
But for whatever it's worth,
I never wrote a song for, - anyone else,
but Hell, you just glanced and smirked,
tossed it aside, and then talked about work.

I'm going through something,
Okay?!
What happened to being teammates?
I can tell you how my dreams taste.
Full of blood and salt
Fear of love and loss
I can't compare thee to any seasons thought, because its only winter when your gone. Gone like the wind -
I tried to bottle up
Stick a cork in it
And keep her on a shelf
But I somehow can't always control myself
So I relied on you.
But now that glass is broken
And the idea of it is too.
This is too much.

passing strangers
with stranger angers on all their faces
i don't know why
you're all so mad.

My nails are too long
My hair is greasy
I have bags under my eyes
And my clothes smell like smoke
My jacket is wrinkled and stained
My socks have holes in the fabric
I miss the way you used to sleep
Eyes open, I knew the feeling too well
I was so fresh pressed back then
Clean shaven and new kicks
I had slept like a dog on a summer night
You came over late back then
I didn't think much of it
You didn't care if I didn't call
You didn't ask questions about where I was
I didn't think twice
Man, I miss the good life.

I don't think we ever truly knew each other, she said.
I almost said I felt like one of those icicles that stay the same size, while all their icicle friends are pushing towards the fallen snow.
I just looked at her.
I'm surprised my stomach didn't digest my heart right there, as my eyes ran across the back of my brain, I could feel the static building.
Wondering. Where I went wrong and when.
We had it all.
The lazy Sundays.
The gluttonous nights after work.
The lustful sweat falling to her bare skin mixing with the oils and dust in the air.
Her make up running with angst
Asking to be set free, I know that feeling all to well, I said.
What? She looked perplexed pausing the passion.
Oh, sorry, I slapped her in the face, and she smiled.

what an odd position -
- my opposition -
what was a small percentage
grew tenfold, those once instrumental
to my success, chose to withhold -
and not speak -
- true intentions - evading patience
now why i sweat and stress shaking
hands with a red face pacing
hallways making
aching to be making
something outta nothing -
- what else is new

my time has come to rise from
bloodstained ashes under an October moon,
the night breeze cooling off our coffee -
You held the railing
Staring into the darkness
I wish, I called sooner I said
with a half-smile I knew that was obvious
Lessers versions of me knew that was true -
like fractals in a broken mirror
like the white hot center of your cigarette
like the soft flesh exposed
I wish I called sooner.

You hurt me when you say you don't want to talk to me right now
Saying that because I can't be where you are something must be wrong with my heart
You hurt me when you say let's split the bill
Because otherwise you know I wouldn't be thrilled
You get me down
Even though I barely know you
You get me down
Feeling like I belong below you
You get it now?
She says, with a look of surprise
So condescending she couldn't deny
If I ask, but instead I let time pass
And swallow my pride along with this wine fast