I will create oceans and rivers
From the tears that flow from my eyes
And they will envelop the shores
Formed in the crest of my torso,
The valleys that lay in between my *******
Will protect wildlife from the raging winds
Of my breaths, and the shaking earth
Of my heartbeat
My thoughts will form stars and planets
And I will create my own galaxies
My fingertips will be the roots of trees that will stretch ever onwards
I will grow and I will grow
And I will destroy as I please
No laws hold me
For I am my own universe
Unbidden, unbound.

The snow settles on rooftops
The quiet of the town echoing
And thundering
In the confines of these walls
Nothing but the pitter patter
Of rain and hail on windows
Trying to break through
And be bullets to my skin
The clouds are like shadows to me
My every movement, followed
And you are the rain
A torrential downpour on my shoulders
No rest and no sleep and no luxuries
Only the rain and the clouds and you
You are January 3rd
When it snowed and snowed
Until the cold was a second skin
Trying to rip through the walls
Of my love and my heart
And the fire is dying
And our love is dying
And the rain pours on and on

Let him miss you
Let him roll over in the morning to find you gone, your absence filling the empty side of the bed like a flood
He will drown before he even wakes up
Let him know what it's like to have the sheets to himself when his hands reach out and find too much space to grab, a vacant imprint of you still on the mattress
Let him crave the hold of your body against his, laying down, molded together in unison
Let him miss the crook of your neck and how his face fit perfectly in it like a hollowed shell
Let him miss your skin and his own announcement of its softness
Let him miss how fingers would run swiftly along the folds and creases
Let him miss the tracing of your veins that led him home, a purple and blue reminder of familiarity
Let him miss your legs folding between his while sleeping
Let him miss your breath in his ear
Let him miss your words blanketing around his fears and his stresses, how your language was the only kind capable of calming
Let him miss your comfort like a Midwest winter without a fireplace to lay in front of, like below zero temperatures with a broken furnace in charge of heating the air
Let him feel his heart leave his chest when he thinks he sees you at the store, at a concert, bar, restaurant, all of the places he knows you aren't
He will look for you anyway
Let his lips mumble your memory with every shot of whisky that meets them
Let him taste you with each cigarette he smokes with the intention of forgetting
Let him hear your voicemail when he calls you at 3 am
Let him leave his drunken words to a mailbox you will never check
Let him say your name in his sleep
Let him wonder where you are tonight
Let him feel your ache in every muscle, every bone, every limb
Let him wonder if you're aching too
But don't give him the satisfaction of knowing you are

Don't tell him you are splitting like the red sea, your heart spilling as it parts
Don't let him know you are near freezing to death without palms to protect you from the cold, how this December was one for the records
You will look back and wonder how you ever managed to survive
Don't let him know that getting up and out of bed is a ropes course you are still trying to complete
Don't let him know that every bit of ink made permanent on your body is too much reminder to look at, that the words are growing with unwanted by the second
Don't let him know that tonight you are too far from the sun to expand
You are shrinking from the darkness and you don't know how to let the light back in
Don't let him believe that your smile is anything but a portfolio of happiness
Don’t let him know that your laugh is merely a symphony crafted from regret
Don't let him know that he is the ringing in your ear that refuses to go away like a migraine, bringing blurry vision and a pain in the back of your head
Don’t let him know you still crave him like a bad addiction, the withdrawal being the worst it’s ever been
Do not let him know if you miss him
Do not let him know you do
There is no purpose in missing what never made you whole
You are enough human without another to need you
If he misses you tonight, let him
If you miss him tonight, don't.

Do you remember when
the world was supposed to end?
Your hands wandered around
my neck and back,
trying to take it all in.
My shape on your fingertips,
my lips on your lips,
and you were trying to forget,
that we will soon not exist.

everything is just so fragile
happiness so elusive
i keep trying to cling and cling and cling onto something
anything
to keep my soul from breaking
but
nothing good ever sticks around long enough to keep me sane

i'm losing control
my nails are only digging deeper and deeper into the dirt

i'm never gonna be enough for anyone, am i?
i'm always just going to be someone in the background

i'm replaceable and so alone
i swear to god this didn't use to hurt
but now i can feel a literal aching in my soul
like life has been ****** out of me but my body still keeps on breathing
and breathing and breathing and breathing but
it hurts to even breathe
there's a giant sorrow swirling in my stomach
i can feel it swallowing me whole

i don't know anymore

i wish i could just ***** out these emotions from the inside
they would burn my tongue and throat
but at least i would've gotten it out of my system
then maybe i wouldn't feel like i'm losing control.

it scares me how lonely i can be
how i will do anything, anything, anything
just to feel affection
just to feel like i belong
to feel like i am worthy of love

because lately i have been bleeding and needing You
but i look for love in all the wrong places

my heart is stitched on my sleeve
but nobody ever looks at me
i want to shine brighter than the sun
but my fears dim my light into a mere shadow

i'm sick of wanting
of desiring something that cannot be

is this it for me?
is this all?
why has life been so cruel?

you will meet someone beautiful
who will make you wonder
why you ever thought
you were better off
alone.

Today
I will sing my sins as if I
Hadn’t yet learned right from wrong
As if I didn’t recognize
The becoming wrinkles of my skin
The fading of preconceived thought
The fading of what we were
As if I don’t conjure up detonating
Definitions for what we depict as
Reality,
As if I don’t feel it
As if the wind doesn’t rattle through my
Bones and shake my soul and wither
Me away
You reach out your hand
I turn the other way
Chrome colored lines that intersected
At the wrong time, the wrong place in history
As if I don’t consider
Dying, intentionally
Projecting perceptions through this lens
Titled reality,
White upon the spine
Drawing images and you feel it,
The finality of your
Vitality