There are nights you feel as if
no one will ever love you,
your bones are too fragile
to be kissed to sleep
and you only find tears
in the bed next to you.
These nights find words written
across your eyelids in pen,
prose of self loathing
breaking up into radio silence
cracking numbness
and misunderstanding of breath.
You look to the stars
but they have been dead
for longer than you have lived,
unloved and straining under weight
you never asked to carry,
broken with scars
too permanent to bury
behind car wrecks in your mind
and feverish dreams.
You feel hopeless in yourself,
because no one will ever
want to be around when you are broken
and crying yourself to sleep
on nights like this

Sometimes I catch myself
wrapped up in the moments
when we were making up
my feet on your dash
going somewhere fast
all this frozen in my past -
the wind pounding through me
breathing in the warm air
always taking the scenic route.

I remember the small details
like your dimples
when a smile spread across your face
and the gap in your teeth
that I wished would stay.
You sang me to sleep
with that voice you hated
but it sounded like honey
to my ears, softly driving me
into your arms.

I've tried to erase
the memories of you
but that's just not something I can do
because every breeze of every season
smells like you
and everything we made each other do.
I know I was to blame
when you didn't feel the same,
and of course, I'm ashamed
of my past self
and maybe you are too.
But distance tricked us,
and I long for being a kid
slowly lowering my eyelids
as we drove past the power grids.

You always ask how  I am,
I’m fine, I’m okay.
Do you really want to know about my mutilated story.

i’m finding
that it is ok
you know?
to let it all go
to let things be
& let yourself grow
to trust the unknown
know that you’re not alone
you’re enough on your own
*~its engraved in your bones~*

Sooner or later it gets to you,
All the I love you,
All the I miss you,
All the I need you,

Sooner or later it gets to you,
Sleeping in late,
conversations delayed,
Don't go out,
Don't...

Sooner or later,
It gets to you,
Depression catches up.