What do you do?
When someone tells you that they don't love you anymore?

Two weeks ago I got in an accident while mountain biking. I broke my collar bone and fractured my sternum. Abrasions covered my back, my hip had a puncture wound that turned into a hematoma and was swollen 2inches (I couldn't wear pants for a full week). I hit the ground with such force that air was forced out of my lungs and into the sack around my heart. I spent 18 hours in the ICU and three more days in the hospital after.

A long time ago I crashed. I crashed after you left. My ribs were caving in and making it hurt to breath, my cheeks burned, I swore to god my heart was never going to be okay again. The pain in my chest was incredible. The worst pain I have ever felt was when you left.

I flew over my handle bars two weeks ago and rolled down the mountain and still your absence hurts me more.

They say follow your dreams
And all I want is to go home
There is a problem, you see

I don't know where home is

Happiness: The ultimate goal, right?
We all want to be happy
We all want to feel fulfilled.

We see pictures of smiling, skinny bodies
and we know what happiness looks like.
It looks like thin faces
frail arms
tiny legs
concave stomachs

The first step to being happy is
looking
the part.

A sea of faces rages before me
Memories flashing across my vision- blindingly bright
I'm afraid I may never see past them again
Voices are thrown from all directions
yelling
screaming
crying
I can see myself in a tempered rage
Throwing things and yelling out
I'm not in my body anymore
I am a mere spectator- a wisp
a cloud
vulnerable to the world around me