When I was little I use to get sick a lot
I would sleep sitting up, or on the tile in the bathroom.
I would cry for my mom in the night as my stomach rids itself of the food I had eaten that day.

When I was little I use to stand in front of the mirror
I would turn from side to side, stand on my toes and **** in
I would cry to my mom, I thought I was fat. She told me I had a wide rib cage and I cried harder because that meant there was no hope.

When I was a little older I use to watch what I ate at lunch
I would sit with my boyfriend and his friends, I covered my mouth after each bite.
I would always be sure to leave food on my plate, and I never got sweets when I sat with them.
I would cry to myself- I thought for sure they were judging me by my plate

Now, I still stand in front of the mirror with tears streaming down my cheeks
I never eat breakfast or lunch, and I eat half my dinner.
I no longer cry for my mom when I rid myself of any food I have eaten-
instead I pray that she can't hear.

I want to know the course that the rivers beneath your skin take

I want to know the valleys in your heart and how deep they go

I want to know the canyons in your bones and who put them there

I want to know who's initials are carved into your mind

and the memories that they can no longer call "mine"

Eyes of glass and body of stone
Your arms have become my home.

But I've never blushed easily
And your touch engines the blood beneath my cheeks so relentlessly.

I throw up until my head feels like it's not there but I can still taste your **** mouth.

It's not like you wake up one day

     and you suddenly hate every inch.

It happens gradually
    
     an inch at a time.

I remember where mine started

    and how it grew like wild fire.

Until it consumed me
  
     an inch at a time.

And the ones that build you to be a skyscraper are the ones who shake you into rubble.

And I thought I was getting better

      but then I woke up on the tile

the water had lost its heat and the burn had moved to my throat