At the exact moment when
My shoulders were their weakest
The load I bear was doubled.
In the autumn of my mental skills
The maze I have to navigate
Was rearranged by evil fingers.
While I tried to make some sense of it
The slender options I created
Melted in the blazing heat.
When my tiny flame of hope
Grew almost bright enough to see
It was blown out by reality.
And there is only desert left
Where desperately planted seeds
Will have no chance to grow.
Like a candle left out in the sun
My spirit softens and then slumps
Into waxy pools of hopelessness.
Written a couple of weeks ago when I was really down.
My arms are jello and my face is red,
I feel so weak and my legs are lead.
Because I've seen she's just walked in.
I can't explain- I can't even begin.
With eyes that sparkle like the moon,
She seems to come close much too soon.
I fluster and laugh and get all confused,
because with her I always lose.
I never know what to do,
Except to scrape the floor with my shoe.
What to do and what to say
To hide from her my ecstasy?
I love it when she's next to me.
Anything else I cannot see.
An invisible spotlight- and a wall
which is thick and impossibly tall.
I like her.
I know it's true.
You know it, too.
But I can't tell her.
Not today, no sir.
I'm too afraid of denial
And to lose that beautiful smile.
So close but so far.
The air is statue still,
dust particles hang immobile,
levitate in arrested motion,
causing gravity to frown.
A single ray of silver light,
a gift from the Lady above,
as she turns her face full
and bathes the night gently.
Seeking through dark places,
the magick beam catches tears,
in a cradle of light comfort,
touching a lullaby in a whisper.
Alighting softly in a calm arrival,
upon eyelids of eternal sorrow,
and heals the ragged scars of pain
with the mystery of the stars.
© Pagan Paul (05/05/18)
I have been away for too long
In a solitude, burried with remorse
For I've lost a very close loved one
And the situation got worse
I prayed to be taken away
For my life to end
As soon as possible
Coz nothing much was left to mend
Tears rolled down my cheeks
To stop the negative thoughts
Got taken back many times
To untie the invisible knots
Voices got into my ears
That ached to explode my temple
Closing my eyes eveytime
A picture painted, to resemble
It's you, O'mum...that I can't get over with
Life seems, more like a lego
Feelings that can't be put into words
Every bit pierces through the core
Your smile, your beauty, your essence
Has all been captured by this heart
Now, in troubled weak times
Another scene peeps as an art
How will I ever, comfort myself
That now I am all alone
None that are left by my side
All have fallen and gone
May your soul rest in peace
Exactly, a month today
Missing you heaps in this crowded shell
Hope to meet you, someday...
Voices from my weak heart.
filled with discontent.
That the world is
and full of discomfort..
My silence and thunderstorms both are dedicated to that blur vision of twilight that came with desires of stars and moon but gifted the never ending darkness with regrets.
Some hidden acceptance of regrets.
Every one of us.
We are filled with darkness
But also stars
And endless wonder.
So are you.