you know youre addicted
to self harm
when you start noticing
the scratches, scars
and bruises on others
and you wish
they were on your skin
not theirs

(s.q)

i love that you know i prefer
fairy lights over candles
and coffee over tea
and cats over dogs
        i love that you know all my details
        as if you made a map of the
        marks on my skin
        and traced them every day

(s.q)

i feel your hands on my skin
late at night
holding me tight to you
and i feel
your heartbeat
through my spine
holding me up
and keeping me alive

(s.q)

when did i become
a ticking time bomb
ready to expload
at any given time
how did anxiety
make me this fragile
im scared
                    one day
im going to not be able
to put back together
after an explosian.               (s.q)

i still dont know
why i pushed people away
and im sorry
its no explaination
but ****
                      i miss you
i miss talking
im on medication now
eating disorder in tow
self harm addiction
2 weeks clean
                                       yet finally
                                       im proud
                            im still alive

when your skin stings in the shower, and get close to a bit of metal you name cat
when you become close friends with the toilet, and name her mia
when you know the depths of the darkness, and recignise deb
when you feel the emptiness known as ana
and when you know the temptation of sue

im sorry