i wish to find out
all the valentines days
in every country
and tell you
with extra meaning
how much you mean
to me
on a different scale
of some small romance
i want all valentines days
to be for you
past and future

i always wonder

why me?
why was i born
lacking in the whole
loving myself area

why me?
why did i get hurt
time after time
why am i the weakest link

why me?
why do i need medications
and supplements
to get through each day

why me?
why do i love you
why do i feel the need to live for you
when no one else made me feel this
desperate for hope, and life

I starved myself
for 45 hours
am I skinny yet?
I covered myself
with cuts so
people would look
deeper than
my skin and
see the real me
am I pretty yet?

more tears cried
less hours slept
more blood spilt
less food intake
more dark shadows
less bright eyes

is this all i am anymore?
a pathetic state of
depression?

i don't know what
was worse, a
broken heart i was able
to blame on my love.
or a broken soul
that was deformed
to begin with.