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maybella snow Oct 2013
lay me down
on a tower of cards
watch them buckle
as i fall through
maybella snow Oct 2013
give me wings
so i can fly though the day
without dark thoughts
dragging me down
maybella snow Jul 2013
i saw your name (----)
in a book i was reading                
i stared at it for a while        
then longer                                            
and longer                                            
until i burst into fresh tears

the sight of your name brought me
to tears, how pathetic can i be?

(----) i love you x
maybella snow Jul 2013
i just love
him s
o much
maybella snow Jul 2013
i know i'm done
                    with the world

i'm now waiting              
for it to be done                            
with me

maybella snow Nov 2013
float me a boat
as  i cry a river
maybella snow Jun 2013

     there is such an
                      of faith
                 residing in that

there is such an
                      of people
                  depending on that

i'm not                                                                                                
one of                                                                                              
i hope no one takes this the wrong way, but i don't believe in religion , and i don't want to
maybella snow Jul 2013
crying myself to sleep                                                
                                                         didn't really work
the tears didn't fall                                        
                                               i haven't slept yet either
                              neither sleep
            nor tears
           have fell        
upon me yet

maybella snow Aug 2013
no, go away
you've had your opinion
i listened, i didn't get angry
now it's time
for you to go
before i explode
maybella snow Jul 2013
101 people follow me
101 people see every poem i write
101 real people
101 people
                                                                 thats a    h u g e   amount to me
1795 reactions
1795 or likes

22216 thats how many times my poetry has been looked at

                                                                   sorry but that still shocks me
                                                             real people are seeing my rambles
                                                                  real people are following me
                                                           real people are reacting to my work
                                                                                real people

take that mum, real people
                            real people think my "****" is good
                mum, leave me alone about it

because some real people think it's worth something
because they're reading it
       and they're liking or commenting to it

                                                                                                     and this is what i want to do in life
                                                                          i want to write
                                                                                          about things that pose something to me
                                         you said i wasn't going
                        anywhere while on my computer
                                                                                                          it only took me
                                                                                                          101 real people
                                                                                                              to all of you
maybella snow Jul 2013
it's raining
on the window
from the skys

it's raining
on my pillow
from my eyes
maybella snow Jul 2013
ink flowing over pages              
a slightly messy      
imprinting into the depths  
of my heart            
carved into the layers  
of my skin                  
etched into the softness        
of my soul    
engraved into the needs            
of my mind

i live poetry      

*~a beautiful nothing, my something~
maybella snow Jul 2013
reminds me that i'll never
but its a constant      
and it'll never set out to hurt me            
it means  
that i can put my feet down          
and walk                  
at any time  
because gravity              
holds me there                                    
a never ending embrace        
forever reliable                    
so maybe i can't fly                                                
i'll walk
held in gravity's embrace

*~a beautiful nothing, my something~
maybella snow Oct 2013
i'm crying for no reason
but there's obviously something
deep in my mind
that i am emotional about
all   i   know
is i want to fly
with him
maybella snow Sep 2013
maybe if
i don't sleep
for long enough
I'll       sleep
maybella snow Aug 2013
the moon                      
i like it more    
in the middle of the day                                  
where it seems to protest                                    
rebel against being the usual                                  
only light at night
no, instead                                                  
it becomes a pale disc                                            
calm in the blue sky                  
basking in sunlight                    
and viewing the world
in a brighter light
than it can create personally                                          

*a beautiful nothing,
my something
maybella snow Aug 2013
in three weeks
i've lost 10kg
= 22 pounds
and i didn't even notice
                i wasn't eating
                      no one did
maybella snow Jun 2013
its been
              48 hours
         or longer?
since i last heard from you
   i'm worried
               only ever you

life has become
                 a monotone
                                    in comparison
you're a playlist
                    in my head
   forever on repeat

                                          o v e r    a n d    o v e r

i smile at our little jokes
                       said not too long ago
i'm joyful
      i am
                but i need to know
     where and how
                     you are
maybella snow Feb 2014
and I
it's like
to feel
to the
71 out of 100, mental health warning is high and somehow it feels like a lie
maybella snow Oct 2013
enfold me in warmth
wrap around me
like the ozone layer
covering the earth in cloud cover
hold me tighter
than a toddler
grasping their mothers
hand, as they cross a road
love me more
than two lovebirds
nesting in spring
maybella snow Aug 2013
everything hurts
           my backbone is constantly struggling to keep me upright
        my head is always hanging
     my heart
                         well that's broken. shattered is a better word actually
           my everything
                  everything is being subtle
more than everything hurts
                                         but i cant think of a word
                                            that describes it
better than everything
                                         because my
           ­        everywhere
                                                                ­      and sometimes i think
                                                           ­      that maybe
                                                           ­                 a hug could help
                                                            ­                                 why can't anyone tell
                                                      i just
                                                                ­   need
                                                          ­                              to be held safe
                                                            ­                 because i feel broken
                                                          ­     please
                                                          ­                         hold me together
maybella snow Aug 2013
that dark pipe that
             connects us
i remember a light
                at the end
        where i'd only
have to travel to it
      and everything
      would be okay

your light died
you're gone
you aren't coming back
your life died
maybella snow Jul 2013
your pretty face
rests against mine

                                               how did i die?
this wont make sense to anyone, so i'll try and explain it a little. well idk if i really want to be meh.... the person featuring this is too far away and it's impossible for us to have physical contact. therefor the whole dead thing, i'm only saying all this because i don't want anyone to assume something stupid or whatever. anyway, thats what i meant
maybella snow Jun 2013
'                                                       i feel numb
                   but its different
its the type of numb
       you feel when
                      you've been crying too long

                                       your brain
                                                          is exhausted

              so it stops everything
                                                         just to rest
for a while, nothing matters
                      you don't care about anything
                                           you've cried all your tears away
                       along with the last problem
                                          you had struggles with

  and you feel

                                                             that different type of

maybella snow Jan 2014
let me steal the light
from your eyes
because you stole
the light from mine
in a heartless display
of affection
because you wanted
to light up the stars
as they were sad

did you forget
the fact you took
the light from my
heart, now it's left
with the likes of the
underworld and my
light is in heaven
right where you
put it, in the
stars so they
could shine
this is horribly bad sorry
maybella snow Jul 2013
10 words

its hard when after twelve years of liking someone, you've finally moved on and are actually happy, then they see you, they look at you and actually see you. but HEY it's too late now buddy, moved on.
maybella snow Oct 2013
you're older than me
you know its not okay
why'd you let me get attached
then just leave
when you know i'm in pain
maybella snow Aug 2013
i just discovered a shot glass
            filled with a handful of white painkiller pills
i wish i hadn't
                  now i know they're there
                  now i have to try and forget they're there
                  now i have to stop myself from swallowing them all
i wish i hadn't
   oh how i wish i hadn't found them
maybella snow Jul 2013
i know, this saddens me
          but i know
that i will never know                    
everything you do
                  everywhere you go
everyone you're with                            
                                            i have
reason not to trust you                                      
                                          i also have every reason to trust you

and so i do                                                                  
i trust you with your life                                                          
i trust you with mine                                                                
                                          just as
                                             you trust me with your life
                                      you trust me with mine

in these ways    
its hard not to think        
              that we can't make it
through the roughest times                                      

                                                                                                                                    aka now
*i trust you
maybella snow Jul 2013
at home we have                        
i guess you could call it a joke
involving a plastic spider                      
about the size of my palm                      
this spider
a red-back i believe
is placed somewhere
on top of a door                                        
so it'll fall on the next person                  
who opens it                                              
and the whole thing
is a bit of a competition
of who can not be scared
when it falls unexpectedly
onto them, then put it somewhere
where it'll fall on someone else

right now                                                          
i believe its perched                                        
on the shower head                                                                    
i didn't put it there                                
i spotted it out of                                    
the corner of my eye                              
i hope i don't
forget it's there
when it topples onto me
maybella snow Dec 2013
the cord I tied around my neck
wasn't tight enough to ****
I passed out, notebook
in hand asleep
maybella snow Jun 2013
i made a wish                                                      
late last year
or early this year?      

it was set highly upon a                                                            
l                                 ?                        
l                           g                          
i                      n                            
n                i                              
g          y                                
or   l                                  
f                      star        
but i wished                                                              
(sorry cant say the exact wish, it might not come completely true then)
i wished                                                              
for someone to make me happy                                      
the happiest person                    
i got it
or part of it

i got to be happy, i'm happy now              
but without you                                                                
i'm not happy                                      
and neither are you            

all wishes come with a price....                                                                        
is that my price?                                                                          
or is it going to be more expansive?            

i don't know if i am willing to pay                                        
for the expenses of a wish set upon a star
maybella snow Dec 2013
emptiness doesn't cut it anymore
I'm tired and aimless
living an empty lonely life
wondering the walls of this house
not exactly a home with the coldness
I feel as though I'm already a ghost
people have forgotten
pale and still
let me fly
maybella snow Aug 2013
stuck in the headlights
                        a cold night fogs
lost in white light
    the fog was transformed from a
        comforting damp blanket
into  a  white
wall of smog
                              a lonely dear
                         hears traffic everywhere
                                   but the wall
                                                                      pushes her back
              so she turns and runs
                                 lost with the noise
                         and bright white
                                                                     there's always
                                                             a loud screech
                                                     before impact
a lonely dear
lost in white
dies slowly
at the crime scene

————i'm a such a deer————
dear and deer swapped purposefully
maybella snow Jul 2013
meeting you                                  
a boy with nothing to live for
anymore, despair, loathing          
i fell for a broken boy
not broken in the way of crushed
but shattered                      
i found your heart
yes, there is one there      
you just seemed to have forgotten
how to use it
but don't worry          
because i think
you've remembered now
maybella snow Feb 2014
I didn't get to school today
I woke up
usual time
and lay still
my arms felt like they were
strapped to the bed
my legs felt like the bones
had been replaced with lead
my shoulder sunk into the matress
and my head was stuffed with
cotton or water
I wasn't able to move
so I cried
and after a while
of crying I finally lifted a shoulder
nothing was wrong with me
but the weight
I just couldn't move

look what depression is doing to me
how am I meant to live through this?
maybella snow Jul 2013
you yell at me          
tell me how stupid i am              
i believe it
you're my mother after all                          
and then
you burst into tears    
when you think
i don't love you anymore              
you're scared of me leaving
so you gently hug me              
this always worked                              
i'd burst into tears
you'd cry too              
and all would be forgiven
but now
i've realized                    
i never said anything    
i never hurt you              
you hurt me
i'm done apologizing                                
for things i didn't do                                    
you tell me not to treat you                          
like an enemy                          
but you did it to yourself                  
and i'm so confused              
shut down                      
to when you walk up to me                            
and gently hug me            
as you used to
maybella snow Jan 2014
I'm empty
but filling slowly up
with self hate
why would anyone love me
when I don't love myself
I don't respect myself
I don't even see anything of me to respect
my stomach isn't flat
my thighs rub together
and my arms are disgusting
my sides are lumpy
and I'm short
                                                  I gag at myself in the mirror
how could I be so disgusting
no wonder no one wants me
no wonder I lay alone every night
the only presence I have is death
because it looms like possibilities

I want someone to want me
to say it's okay that you don't
like yourself, because I love
everything about you
I want someone to help
I need help
help convincing myself
I'm worth living
I'm worth trying

this counselling **** does nothing
******* prove to me I'm worth something
and not just a hole in the groud
tell me I'm beautiful
even though I won't believe it
I'll believe the look in your eyes

help me
love me
maybella snow Feb 2014
ironic how
those "asthma attacks"
weren't what anyone thought
ironic how
I took teddys or toys with me
everywhere, because I couldn't cope
ironic how
I took heaps of days off school
because I forced myself to be sick
ironic how
this happened when
I was younger
ironic how
I have had panic attacks
since I can remember
and my parents didn't know
what was wrong with me
ironic how
I've been at risk of depression
since a young child
and everyone thought I was
simply shy
ironic how
I've never been scared of death
psychologist said I've had anxiety since I was young and havebeen at risk of sever depression for ages... I guess it's no ones fault at all.. I'm just ****** up
maybella snow Aug 2013
that you died as a final get away
do i matter that much to you?

maybe you wanted to die
for other reasons                
but where am i on your importance list?
                                                     am i on it?

you're the first person who loved me
not family or friend
is it that hard to love me?
i love you with everything
but you knew that
maybella snow Aug 2013
caressing my face              
soft droplets                        
of ice cold water          
combines with the              
heated tears that fell                                                  
from my eyes                                                            
replacing my heartbeat
with regular claps          
of thunder      
lightning finds a way                                              
to brighten up a sun-less                                                            
sky of heavy clouds                                                    
the wind finds ways          
to surround me                        
flicking my hair                
around my face                            
clouds cover me  
thunder replaces my heart  
lightning brightens my eyes
eyes that once fell hot tears  
now ice water                        
covers my entire form
as the wind takes me away
with its touch
maybella snow Aug 2013
in panic attacks
  my brain sings
la la la la
                i'll be okay
  la la la la la
remember to breathe
       la la la la
what's breathing?
  la la la la
          who're you?
do do do
   what'd you want?
  do de do la
help help help
it'll be fine
maybella snow Feb 2014
my life seems
to be controlled
by black shadows
and white pills
maybella snow Sep 2013
but people
only ever see
the fallen
10 words including title
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