(no braggadocio! modest rodomontade scored triumphantly!)
Unbeknownst to me, a generic human ape,
an unpleasant surprise
swished down like an ominous cape
awaited and near smothered me drape
ping that October morning, where no escape
presaged via frisky black cats
chasing shadows on fire escape
crossed my path after walking under a ladder
where ice **** ravens didst jape!
**********
Wheels of injustice applied via de
fender, sans Johnny Cochran forced ee
year splitting amidst general public fee
ver rush to absorb disbelief shell shock hee
ret tickle non guilty conviction from key
ping popular culture spell bountious lee
really exhausted viz three ring me
dee ya circus (June 1994 – October 1995) pre
vail ling obvious evidence irrelevant, thus re
deeming O.J. Simpson to strut guilt free
from emotionally charged trial. I awoke
as usual and performed customary bespoke
oblations vis a vis half-hour plus choke
hold asphyxiation meditation, okey doke
shuteye discipline followed daily to evoke
calm, cool, and collected trance zen dental
bliss before motoring on with gist of gentle
lee presented vignette, though me mental
state did not shift gears into a rental
modus operandi, but only partially new
trawl eyed , cuz the then fiancé (one mew
zing chic chick i.e. Abby Robin Zison), Jew
dish us lee spent the night
at our transitional grew
some domicile) immediately nsync to report do
tuff lee (at the Goddard School)
raced like a Chew
Bach ha's Dickensian protagonist back up Badoo
two flights of stairs. Like eponymous Aloo
men hum mushing spry feline woman out bitta bing
bitta bang (clanging like hells bells) ding
donging, she immediately flew back fling
all four feet eleven of her harried style jing
ling in an agitated state she set foot to go bob
bing out the door intent
(as iterated) driving to her job,
and in combination pantomime
and words crisis did lob
asper like a bot to me,
she attempted to communicate rob
bing her unsuspecting fount of thespianism
tub air gritty modicum
of rationale from putrid slob
name of Leslie (the lunatic landlady)
thine paramour conveyed clarity mouth ajar
after surmising urgent news
required automatic action to un bar
driveway, where I parked car,
the previous night surreptitiously venal far
from rational rapscallion most definitely har
bored an axe to grind, and locked Ford Escort par
**** shinned within chain linked fence - war
fore suggestion got made
(from future bride)
to confront landlady,
and sternly insist and mildly chide
corrective action taken,
yet this storyteller defied
said suggestion, and brainstormed
with betrothed asthma guide
averting compromising neither of our pride
and prejudice respective, sans stevedore
managers would not let us slide
gnome hatter, how we could not
escape deprecation
no matter how much we tried.
Prior to heading off to bed
the prior night, I deigned
to express likelihood to landlord/owner
thyself and pseudo spouse needed to find
another place to live. The major reasons
for vacating premises? Her grind
ding cigarette no ifs, ands
or buts smoking mind
less ness ranked (on par
with chimney didst wind
burning wood smoke
at full blast) as primary source
of revulsion did provoke,
and aye came across with homespun folksy
sensitive mien, as a simple country bloke
I expressed honest sentiment at being
extremely averse (where hacking awoke
the future wife)
from second hand carcinogen(s)
extant within cancer sticks. Asphyxiation deafen
knit lee found me choking half to death even
putting towel under the door, or
additionally keeping
bedroom window wide open,
the malodorous nicotine wisps ambled - pen
knit trait ting, wending, curly cued,
and filtered thru fabric with mischievous yen.
No matter, the twisting tendrils of tobacco found
their way into ole factory nasal cavity ground
zero, sans health conscious holistic being hound
did, what constituted one deranged dame
the SPCA ought to impound.
Another factor fueling foul accommodations yin
wanna know offset fine tuned win
Dixie yang,
which odoriferous torture constituted
nauseating odor of cat *****
and litter boxes smelt worse than sin,
cuz, they never got cleaned of feline ***** matter
near visible as a unsightly dangerous shark fin.
Upon summoning effort
and energy to communicate
bona fide concerns, she responded
and didst denigrate
with contempt fiery madness irate
psychotic malicious venomous vile
as dead body snatcher mate
and then insidious wheels
of malice with tongue flames
crackling, popping, and snapping
from out her reptilian pate
began to turn more sharply
amidst ghoulish clatter and path
of destruction on her tabula rosa slate
with more danger than
along axis of evil tete a tete.
She madly paced back and forth
across maligned envisioned aisle
a small patch of uncluttered space in main foyer
witnessed seething rage wherein
carpeted floor boards,
an imperfect circle shod feet didst dial
no doubt internally
plotting vengeful strategic guile.
Castigations, fulminations, and insinuations ague
gulled out her mouth
noxious fumes left exit pronto flew
ludicrous lacerations
from fiery dragon lady did spew
while yours truly soundly slept
and without incident dreamt edenic view
she unwittingly trappings to annihilate Xandu
some personal vendetta. After I washed, dressed as a zoo
keeper headed downstairs,
the malicious scheme she did hatch
out back became a living reality,
an empty house doors hooked with latch
(Samir, the other occupant) left hours earlier no match
to tangle with wicked witch absented premises natch
eerily echoed every footstep trod one patch,
after another
patent leather slippers paused to scratch
an niche 'pon second landing
(to confirm a strong hunch)
that nary a soul heard nor seen,
probably out to lunch,
no raving ranting banshee
demented drunk as punch
No zombie like entity appeared from the “DO
NOT DISTURB” sign affixed
outside sleeping area, aye did scrunch
brow to compress insight,
where mangy catatonic felines
shared coterie holograms suddenly jumped out
from virtual reality cat n' app cradle
swishing tails shorn like cat o' nines
mewing obscenities (within/ out
computer screen, ominous signs,
sans phantasmagoric phantom) lurking
like a lunatic swing from vines.
Nonetheless, I continued to tread
down dimly lit said
lower level with glimmer
of optimism to bolster lead
din heavy mood crossing fingers
spare set of skeleton keys
(with cross bones and skull head)
nearly always left tantalizingly
dangling in unused door latch, twas cred
double wish, thus spirit within me soared
and just as quickly sank to abyss of psyche moored
sensation felt like poured molten lava oh Lord
Guess what? No such luck. Oh,
she definitely would not a ford
carelessness, and took precautions okay
hiding temptation to make a getaway
Well…I stepped outside
to assess situation. Blimey cray
zee myopic eyes forced to glean deadbolt
found gate shut tight, thence a feeble bray
escaped parched lips, when lo...vix
teased and cross myopic eyes,
no doubt played tricks
holy glory. Ah, a handsaw
carelessly got left and altered mix
matched tool chest in plain view, a sudden fix
but prior to acting on the plan, quite do able
I made a few telephone calls
first telephonically cable
hub rate, and firstly contacted employer
told tale more unbelievable than a fable
thence to local police
in order to file complaint against
goon bonkers malicious monstrous label
quick as the brown fox
jumps over the lazy dog
escape attempted perilous hell grog
ghee nightmare commenced after placing
phone back on cradle, whence nog
'gin set fingers to twitch busily
sawing into one steel link,
(an effort aye did slog)
thru to break at one linkedin steel segment
barricading trusty Ford Escort
so this fellow could hightail with pent
up adrenaline out of nefarious
steely web and test a mint...,
whence surge of adrenaline
coursed from head to toe,
my heart pounded not so gent
lee ready to burst from chest,
and palms perspired profusely
with unexpected accursed of evil incarnate
vis a vis hell bent agent
provocateur ready to pounce
and deliver violent
retribution, which blows
from blunt heavy object,
would invariably render me unconscious
courtesy of cerebral rent.
For better than worse, a kind face
of destiny smiled from countenance grace
sing unseen karma
smiled smooth as sateen or lace
upon my essence as shaking hands
furiosly moved saw handle
back and forth dozens of times until…
THE CHAIN BROKE AND SET ME FREE
now fickle finger of fate
got me ought ta this place!