Sans Priceless Paternal Experiences
Bequeathed To This Papa From Precious Progeny

The greatest gift cherished, garnered, lamented...,
yet simultaneously recognized as utmost prized
constitutes mine declaration, that both benevolent
daughters (now metaphorically inflight) took wing
to embark upon autonomous paths from shortfall

of figurative feathers, that barely fluffed this
Harris nest, and pridefulness (without prejudice),
(nor sense and sensibility if the Missus intimated),
nonetheless the exponentially lightspeed of time,
(no doubt there exists some algebraic formula)

delineating, how each subsequent year elapses
with mind bend ding rapidity tens, hundreds,
thousands...bajillion of immeasurable powers
greater compared to the buzzfeeding, nodding
off to sleep, plodding ennui during naive boyhood

(mine) lacking foresight to conjecture emotional
state (wreck) walled din within the unsown cerebral
territory now housing a papa poised on the brink
of agonizing awareness catapulting enlightenment
gripping intractably kickstarting mortality. Over

the spate of fatherhood, thy deux delightful
grown girls unwittingly, unstintingly, unpreparedly...
foisted upon the very shaky psychological fountainhead
an absolute birthright (asper begetting said offspring),
whose needs and wants transcended those of this

formerly self oriented dada, who reviews the
trials and tribulations recognizing his niggardly
retention of allowing, enabling, and proffering
the best environment conducive to the mental,
physical, and spiritual well-being concerning

those vulnerable young and restlessness lives.
He writhes with agony, asper the domestic chaos
wrought indelible emotions, some roiling anger
(more so pertaining to the eldest (Eden Liat "star
student") emotionally estranged toward this

parent, whose company she enjoyed playing
at the park, or reveling idling leisure hours oft
times winning at Uno, Sorry, Mancala...(keep
on the queue tee, that such happen to be my intent).
Thank you so much sweet darlings, (which out

pouring of sentiments) initially spurred to
acknowledge the twentieth orbit around the sun
regarding the tender loving caring Shana
Aubrey blessedly teaching unknowingly
your truly ill suited “sir” spending her previous

few birthdays expanding delicate comfort zones
living (by choice and mutual parental consent,
when she hapt to be a minor - and now...owns a heart
of gold), this poor excuse for a father loves
both YOU more than these pitiful words can
broadcast into the ethereal net.

flush... the toilet with good frisson!

(alternately titled long windedly
using lower case letters:
no matter tidily bowled over based
upon real events, perhaps subject devoid
of literary merit and/or taste
no embarrassment, cuz
I got nothing to cover
despite precious time going to waste).

Analogous to constipation,
constitutes full term pregnancy,
perhaps umpteenth or first,
which former offal ****** function I durst
mention, said subject doth stink,
yet... exercising bowel
applicative, constrictive, effective,

exhaustive, gesticulative, instinctive,
massive, oppressive, qualitative,
quantitative, significative and unitive
(beg to differ if ye think me perverse)
both scenarios prone to stress and strain,
difficulties can arise evacuating bowels
gluteus maximus muscles severely pursed,

radiating sharp stabbing sensations
behind junk in trunk quarters felt
until bulging temple veins ready to burst,
where piles of hemorrhoids
foul ****** tortured and accursed
necessitating Judas Priest well versed
to issue last rites while

appropriate official dull livers worst
news to missus, whose
inconsolable sympathies nursed,
nevertheless bit torrent of sorrow
honor alone time with grateful dead
subsequently finds medical personnel disbursed,

privately newly minted widow mourning
tears for fears immersed
bemoaning sudden permanent absence
gone fore e'er foremost farter figure first
instance obliterated, when posterior
uproariously (actually not funny)
inflicted hemorrhage emergency,

die hard ludicrous poet (me) experienced
all expense chauffeured ride in hearst
aforementioned purportedly roughly comparable,
courtesy hearsay, when
hypothetical woman with child,
(here, I metaphorically paraphrase)
as maven ready to take aim giving birth

(nine months after satiating
hankering call of the wild
buzzfeeding miracle worker whipped thirst,
and temporarily appeased
inherent maternal yearning
to beget offspring, then... off to races
sprinting at greased lightning speed

amazingly enough slightly protruded womb,
(among other fledgling
and/or practiced moms avid runners
all touted as winners relay race crossing
finish line simultaneously
comprising distance measuring more'n verst.

Quivering lowest limb
namely mine little feet
medication side effects
analogous running dead heat
most often while fast asleep
the missus claims thrashing feet

easily mistaken for epilepsy
disrupts her pleasant dreams
claiming legitimate grounds
for kickstarting divorce
bachelorhood amenable
versus her furious

expletive laced outbursts
crying out loud
further under_scoring, necessitating,
mandating, accentuating...
feasible solution for Pete sakes,
thus favoring me night owl schedule

mine circadian rhythm
easily reoriented,
reestablished, realigned
when she goes beddie bye boo
I feel unbounded energy reserves
bubbles forth courtesy microcosmic

La Brea tar pits interestingly enough
preserving fossilized traces,
when shut eye cycle
regarding yours truly
synchronized more optimally
with counterpart, which

vagary linkedin with
one or more
pharmacological prescriptions,
yet this mister loathe
to forego synthesized agent
that calm emotional provocateurs

particularly diminishing
frequency and intensity
formerly debilitating panic attack,
which vestige chronic anxiety
prevalent thank you sweaty hands
profuse dripping perspiration

during torpid heat waves,
where combination
central air conditioning/
(albeit malfunctioning)
doubles as warmth
generating source

one bedroom
apartment unit B44,
which aforementioned detail
lacks relevance in toe toe
with healing power of
selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors

cuz clinical depression
linkedin with diagnosis
constituting genetic package
biologically bequeathed
to this anonymous hominid
amazingly graced with
psychological ills affecting

academic and employment functionality,
hence lifetime struggle
to live hand to mouth
hardscrapple existence
plaguing dependents and spouse
dealing with mailer daemons

compromising her mental health
translated as without income,
therefore financial shortcomings
lured by castles in the air
pipedreams, a lottery winner,
I dream of genie - in a bottle...

which farfetched stroke of luck
less likely than
getting struck by lightning
with sunshine illuminating
man cave within
which scrivener scribbles away.

Radical planet friendly measures
equals earning kudos as unsung hero
(think environmental footprint)
nearly absolute zero
while global population quarantine
suspension of civil rights
would never fly with trumpeting pharaoh.

Since United States economically crippled
(as well rest of world wide web)
courtesy coronavirus fallout rippled
analogous, whereby Mother Earth
(Gaia's) motley crew psyches stippled.

Golden nugget opportunity whence
twenty first century man/womankind
can make figurative about face
humanity undergoes tense
fossil fuel powered civilization

intricate tapestry doth unwind
(COVID-19) wreaking havoc
among flu fighting village people
constituting human race
shifting radical paradigm

toward renewable resources
alas me dogmatic karma credit
thinks green new deal
(Paine fully) common sense
to any doubting Thomas

since global governments
currently flattened, gutted,
hobbled, immobilized, jackknifed
martial law restricts
impugns verity capitalistic

(re: cannibalistic planetary exploitation)
acquiescing higglety pigglety
free for all
(Alfred E. Neuman wannabes) madcap
(spy versus spy chase

explicit green lighting
global (fiery red) desecration rents
linkedin multitude innocent
flora and fauna violently asunder
ethos predicated upon

vandalistic, monopolistic, capitalistic...
manifest destiny codas enshrined
no matter indigenous tribes genocide
horrifically did erase
place names benign injustice

underestimates true value
native peoples legacy
impossible mission feebly
conjuring ****** events
sacred treaties scotched, revoked, quashed...

accentuating death sentence signed
obliterating rightful heirs amazing grace
storied proud nations traduced
as agents provocateur
cruelly prodded to adopt

offense and/or defense
inevitably pushed off their sacred lands
today their abysmal existential nihilistic crisis
crushing, damning, punishing... poverty
testament how third eye blind
turned away s as to avoid witnessing
tears for fears etching staind face.

Axed dent of circumstances
finds yours truly liberated,
whereby no obligatory constraints
obliges forcible adherence
synchronizing Circadian rhythm

forcibly linkedin within paradigm
minutely crafting, daisy chaining
involuntarily ceding cradle to grave
man made artificial construct
(dismissing one living away

off the gridlock)
co-opting every precious moment
comprising hour quotidian existence
to sustain swiftly styled
harry tailored lifestyle

affording bajillion **** sapiens
luxury to scold frantic scramble,
freedom to scurry frantically
twenty four seven madcap rat race
formerly existing (millenniums ago)

as "noble savage"
ah...remember those glory days
now, grudgingly,
niggardly... unwittingly
compromising pleasant dreams

jarring deeply slumbering
body electric groggily awake
liberty, courtesy alarming wake up
to toil away making dem
big dearly beloved bucks

essentially entering holy grail
searching made more worthwhile
thankless fracas, fray, fraught
pitting one beasty boy against t'other
survival of fittest in overdrive

(Charles Darwin taken aback),
how origin of most ruthless species
went a courtin for dazzling,
jazzy, regal trappings
supposedly to ease

grueling laboring mind numbing
lumpenproletariat, when after
devoting, sacrificing, venerating...
prime mating years
take respite, and

hire oneself out
as independent contractor,
versus sedately pathetic mundane...
you bet your life
in relation to this
self ostracized scrivener.

Escape from captivity pulled off
     when I came of age
boyhood begrudged,
     and bested by brigandage,

but willpower sans declaration
     of independence begot bravery
     against British brutes
     bridging caper (involving collusion)

     to bust loose from cage,
and trappings forcibly to plunder artworks
     and sculpted treasures
     by classical masters

     without causing damage
taught by professional thieves
     requiring minimal equipage
whereat over time footage

sordid memory constantly replayed
     plunder and pillage unwittingly
     fostering getaway
     from hell raising gambits

     planting seed to gauge
optimal instance cut footloose
     cutting dashing Dickensian goniff
     to feign criminal shenanigans
running rampant with militant spunky gangs

     "FAKING" das spies zing
     trumpeting hostage killing
and taking, nonetheless
     swallowing bitter pill

     reeking havoc as honorable image
in order to survive
     within world wide
web of criminals (especially

     an unwelcome foreigner),
     where skills as buccaneer
     really put to test, and tried
maximum lawlessness partaken

     in (dolled up) guise suppressing shied
pitifull looking indigent vagabond
     self away by donning
     "FAKE" whippersnapper
     benefiting getting to sally and ride
always exuding patriotic pride

pleasing ghosts of founding fathers
against their autonomy from
     crown weathering woe be chide
recrimination impossible

     to enforce as bride
of Lady Liberty opened arms for those,
     who made dangerous journey
across avast ocean

     only to confront (whodunit) thuggery
this lifestyle ******, looting,
     and burning WITHOUT choice,
     but guilt aye didst abide.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Retrospective many generations since
     marking birth of a nation
(The United States of America),
     now mecca, sans land of milk and honey
     current president imposed antithetical ration!

Born shackled with globe sized
yoked millstone around my neck
rivaling the world Atlas shrugged,
or outsize boulder Sisyphus

eternally obliged to toil uphill
steepest mountain side
in concert with
Battlestar Galactica pièce de résistance
ear splitting discordant cacophonous din.

Simultaneously analogous twin tower
of Old Faithful geyser
Googleplex times Mariana Trench
aqueous oceanic chasm amply housing
Rhode Island sized fountainhead
constantly spewed vitriol

out subterranean mouth
scalding yours truly
with deadly skull king poison
(parenthetically), metaphorically, hyperbolically
approximates, nee aforementioned
actually an understatement

how whit sir yours truly
psyche dashed, manhandled, whipsawed
post parturition mine birth
subjected to class sic

biochemical, environmental, neurological
pummeling, oft times the cudgel
inherent, latent, salient...
genetically scripted torment.

Case in point
constitutes psychosocial (mine)
extreme introvertedness,
painfully shy reticence
exiled within zapped

writhing, wrenching, wracking
emotional, physical, spiritual isolation
plaguing mein kampf,
a worse fate than death
experiencing brutal and
nasty schooling as outcast

never feeling linkedin among peers,
nor family of origin
particularly latter years
minimally functioning just squeaking
to advance from one grade to the next

hidebound by invisible manacles
weighted heavily with severe anxiety
debilitating, paralyzing, unrelenting
panic/ anxiety attacks.

Scattershot employment track record
poor credit rating
the bane of misery
bias, discrimination, prejudice
throughout hand to mouth existence

impacted two innocent grown progeny
the eldest unforgiving,
no matter this papa coped
with demands of child raising
the missus easily overwhelmed

deferred domestic duties
birthday party arranger,
chauffeur, cook, homework helper,
summer time planner,
medical appointment scheduler...

Neither encumbered with
     material trappings, nor money,
(neither of which I miss)
mine existence approxi-
     moxy mates (to me),
     the state of psychic,
     intrinsic, and bucolic bliss
though far removed

     from civilization distant
     as thee (myopic) eye can see,
     a benevolent, redolent,
and verdant pristine premise
bespoken, expressed, and invoked
     to cosmic consciousness, especially
     threats (to life and limb
     courtesy **** sapiens),
    
     isolated wilderness
absent villagers tsuris,
this monk thank
     fully doth dismiss
homestead of unspoiled habitats
though contact with eldest,
     and youngest sis
plus deux darling daughters,

     the only people, whose absence
     accompanies me to wince
with gentle hug, and air kiss
communing with nature
     faintly conjures Swiss
Family Robinson
similarities, though this
subarctic Siberian wilderness

connotes more drastic
     (ideal to me) solitude perfect
     remote abode tubby remiss,
cuz this loner loathes
     to impress others,
     who don, and
     trumpet an (all self)
     important air of priss

see ness, no thank dear reader,
     I revel as a misanthrope
     glad to isolate myself
breathe deep sigh relief asper,
     not being party to hiss
see fit, nor participate in
     superficial rituals like...Christmas.

Equally Worthy As Mine

No explanation why,
the following unpleasant memory
     shocked this systemofadown human vie
bur rent lee, suddenly, and oppressively
     as if...a heavy object
     fell from the sky
knocking render yours truly
     into a crash test dummy

     tail spinning vertigo,
     where the soul of this guy
at this moment, when
     the following misdeed
     occurred well nigh
many werewolf full
     moons ago, hence a sigh
leant echo with matthew scott
     till he doth die!

Nonetheless, to my
     dying day I cannot
     forget, nor allow
un paw din nub bull sub woofing,
     recollection, yet try as I might ow
(the psychological pain
     still rubbed red
     dully bone raw),

     where ring around
     the collar of
     this  paw - pow
whir fully, doggedly,
     grudgingly, now
fines me to em bark
     with a shrill bow wow
impossibly (even

     incrementally) forgive
     thy then girlfriend, now
spouse of approximately
     deux dozen plus
     years Oh my
     DOG - "holy cow"
forsaking the beautiful
     faithful, and loyal "purportedly
    
     man's beast friend,"
     and ideal chow
mate, upon venting still
     smoldering grief
     when said wife
egregiously, heartlessly, and
     indiscriminately, (though not
     deliberately) evoked strife

(cross) be still finds me gnashing,
     where emotional grief rife
this closing November 19th, 2018
     analogous to a serrated knife
tearing, stabbing, ripping,
     and gnaw zee ate
     ting lee wreck conning
     this melon collie life

of mine, no more valuable,
     than a unconditionally loving
     creature "put down"
     at the Chester County S.P.C.A.
leaving this aging puppy
     with an indelible frown,
which sad recollection

     unleashes sorrow every noun
and again, which
     unrelenting hounding
agony, asper an non
     healing wound tantamount
     to unsolved killings
haunting ghost town.

Ah haint goot
     no trade secret, boot verily
     attest adventitious, bounteous, and
     capacious divine intervention
     (analogous to invisible
     Charge of the Light Brigade)

     timely saving grace amaze
zing lee engorges,    
engirdles, and engenders mine
     body, mind and spirit,
     which psychic triage
     accruing, germinating,

     and manifesting forth
     coming, and appearing
     at the most opportune
     pluperfect kindling jawboning, and
     instagramming optimal instant – sparing
     irreparable cerebral damage,

     yet inflicting temporary
     temporal lobe trauma
     not surprising giving
     brain big bang, sans
     tickly totally tubular raise
zing trumpeting – analogous

     to Portuguese man-of-war
     sea render tyranny
     over fifty plus shades sways
undulating gray matter
     doth lightly secretely
     with naturally excreted

     unguent liberal mindedly braise,
which explanation might meet
     with skepticism, but craze
zee as such
     "FAKE" holy transcendent
     heavenly extra corporeal

     modus operandi may seem,
     an inexplicable force
     powerfully Herculean sensation
     grips me noggin leavening
     mental scratch pad in a daze
of blinding poetic inspiration doth
    
     like quaffing goblet
     of gin n tonic faze
this phenomena plays
a particularly puzzling role
     on account difficult to phrase
in light of my being an atheist,

which non deistic, theistic,
     nor Vedic precept stays
metaphorically locked, linkedin, and
     leveraged in place,
     despite nonreligious confession
     augmentation, attribution,

     and association
     showers inspiration, where
     eyes fixedly glaze
as literary creativity attaining
     high psychological grades
     dramatically engages fantastically

     with cosmic force appearing
     as nebulous haze
seems antithetical to premise
     couched, fixated, and interleaved
     anchor rightly, viz
     secular humanism inlays

     votary visa versa entrees
shutterfly, snapchat twitter
     comport comfortably seated
     as upon royal chaise
lounge steeped within
     monastic hermetically ascetic ways.

The essence of wit is brevity
which interestingly evinces chivalry
delivered verdict to hex **** size
   (once and for all) president

   dons mantle of deviltry
and trumps constitutional credo
defining American elementary
particular edicts denoting, enshrining,
   framing, grand honorable inalienable rights

when foolhardy lobbyists prevail
   evicting execrable“enemy”
i.e. forward thinking (progressively liberal)
   which subsequently might help

   timid citizens to invoke probate, procure, produce cojones
   in opposition against rabidly power hungry,
   misogynistic courting among the body politik
   fostering future feverish fortuity,

toward risking life and limb sans
   Uncle Sam selfless gratuity
(especially as Benjamin Button syndrome –
   reverses aging process

   acquired thru heredity
gets in full swing) stamping mindset
   nonestablishmentarian identity
with my Kosher blessing despite any infamy

permission to go ahead with jocularity
from a superstar coach named Kennedy
thereby garnering homespun liberty
where icon bank on direct
   laudable, linkedin longevity

with unrolled Scottish grandeur
   (Pomp and  Circumstance broadcast)
   synchronized with precise
   unrolled welcome mat
   yule receive granted “FAKE” feted soiree

as curtain call doth close toward
   final decade of mortality

yet dismiss bing hash-tagged
   a scofflaw at any opportunity
especially if legislated mandate
   earmarked as priority

in tandem with the key quality
apothegm stipulates decrease sing sanity
as the hands of father time
   spin (Doktor Dude Little) backward
   away from present day turbidity
increasing revanchism uber victory.

Did Fistbump With Ole Man Winter

Once again, this fella alights
this poetaster and trots out weather,
nope not cuz freezing cold bites,
this poetic instance highlights
spate of unseasonably warm temperatures

circa early February 2019,
melting oppressive plights,
whereby totally tubular solar balm
energizes and alights
to zoom into heavenly heights

pleasantly zapping dendrites
with heaven sent
sunny rays, which excites
every fiber of this fella, writes,
a diametrically opposite

meteorological pleasure
pitch perfect to fly kites
versus torturous blast, sans
polar vortex arctic
cold one futilely fights,

where no complaint as
ecstasy knows no heights,
asper in above average winter
cathartically, holistically,
therapeutically... quiets

cabin fever with sneak
preview of summer -
skipping over stone temple rites
of spring despite dramatic
unseasonably warm weather

this anomaly nonetheless delights
this wordsmith voluntarily
holed up days and nights
from bone chilling, crushing brutal
(cudgel wielding) cold

understandably inducing flights
of fantasy imagining
(like...just yesterday)
hightailing to tropical
island paradise sights

blinds this sun worshipper
twittering revelling,
basking with robins
noah matter an old gipper

slakes insatiable thirsts
nsync with teetotaling
brewster herbalist honeydripper
ah... methinks this clime
makes me chipper

recalling good ole times
feeling like a day tripper
sprawled out atop roofed mansion
fronting happy hunting grounds
upon memory steadfast gripper

amidst haunting demesne
of "Glen Elm" transformed
courtesy where backhoes did stripper
of native flora and fauna
into ticky tack vinyl city for hipper
crats all in the name of progress!

Besotted winged pollinators
roistering barrage drowned
amidst general insectivorous cacophony
indistinct auditory signals communicated

intermingled with bounteous wafting fragrance
midwifed edenic floral pullulation
sensate admixture viz colored spectrum
amidst unrehearsed extemporaneous

orchestral suite bedded lambs
amorous ewe man like bleating songs
nature all aflutter actively socially vociferating
profuse living color rainbow pastiche

teeming soundgarden smorgasbord
cornucopia ignites mordent Utopian aural swath
visual vistas stilling spellbinding
spilling riotous carpeted web

uniting doubting Thomas's existentialism
despite unanswered queries
asper diverse modalities each specie evolved
to survive despite countervailing destructive forces

generating plethora pandemonium ironically
promulgating harmonic exemplary convergence
Highland Manor concourse aflame with new life
parented by instinctive imprimatur anonymous patents

now genetic mapping usurped with untold outcome
analysis bred crispr discovery Earthlings fiddling
glorifies honied indemnity Judeo-Christian kudos
leaves of grass kudzo resistance mutation immunizes

biosphere once prolific differentiation shrinks
becoming monocultural setting virtual stage
catastrophe plus food shortage would become
global debacle predicated, sans virulent

viral and/or bacterial strain renting asunder
tripwire unspooling delicate webbed whirl
already widely compromised more so
since Rachel Carson wrote Silent Spring


**** sapiens population explosion
pits profligate predilections planet Earth in extremis
dire crisis cavalierly dismissed humans
in hot pursuit racking up superfluous wealth

***** deeds done dirt cheap - tricking
mother nature, who will unwittingly
spring scrumptious feeding off scrimmage
forcing capitulation or total extinction

meanwhile fostering long tall floral inflorescence
a composite having sessile flowers
apiary abuzz, cuz queen bee
can no longer wax bereft of royal jelly.

(I wrote this light hearted communique years ago when thy youngest of deux darling demure offspring found more enjoyment then she would as a soon tubby celebrating nineteen orbitz round mister Sun).
-----------------------------------------------------------­----------------------
Just my luck on a freaky Friday, while living in another world unfettered from the parent trap that a life-size machete conveniently available to fend off mean girls racing in their life-size love bug christened “Herbie fully loaded” while cranking up the song “ultimate” somehow found me to get a clue that raven-symone a prairie home companion.

Please pardon this bard of Belmont hills for brazenly barging into your life – without even so much as a gold plated invitation. The nerve of this nattering nabob of Narberth to perform a google search in an effort to pay homage to such smart as a whip wealthy woman, whom maintains lustrous beauty even whence approaching the half century longevity chronological benchmark.

A whim to scribble stream of consciousness thoughts about the mother of one constantly caught in the infamous cross hairs of media blitz krieg must induce chronic ferocity against this plague of tabloid locusts.

Such scrutiny seems to be the price one (and/or her/his kith and/or kin) must unfairly pay to be in the limelight of fame and fortune.

As one absolutely anonymous any man ambling along the boulevard of broken dreams, I envy luxurious lifestyle of the rich and famous as all my children (two teenage daughters) freely scamper away from dark shadows indicating the edge of night as the world turns.

Also, no great expectation (by dickens) goads me (an ordinary mister mom manning the ongoing – nearly infinite – needs and wants of thy fourteen and twelve year old lasses, whom contribute immensely to a more purposely driven life no matter they present untenable wishes.

Back in the day when this papa could afford plethora of fios cable channels, but mainly thru the subtle influence of thine younger offspring (who will celebrate her thirteenth anniversary of existence on this temporal plane or rather oblate spheroid in space), I chanced to watch television programs with Lindsay Lohan as one (if not) the leading actress(es) and found the characters she portrayed quite entertaining to escape the cares and concerns of an uncertain global state of affairs.

These days, aol headline pages incessantly splash with minor infraction(s) that inevitably lands your lovely Lindsay incarcerated for mere misdemeanors no doubt stoking the fires of fervid frenzy within your being.

Only heartfelt commiseration found me to tap out this missive (while a golden opportunity existed to co-opt our only macbook – while the spouse soundly sleeps and thy progeny preoccupied with interpersonal connections) to express said sentiment of compassion and adulation for a most superlative maternal role well done.

Holy mole lee
watch out fowl, balladeer
look out... i.e. donkey kong
primate doth share
footloose slothful writing,
essentially swiftly tailored hare

reed styled mountebank
gets made by mice elf,
an imperfect triangulated square,
while "fake" charioteer
looses neigh scent horsesense
glomming "fake" papier

mâché piñata across animal planet
rhyme without reason,
nonetheless who doth dare
dovish and/or hawkish
elk quint lee otter vamoose
double, triple, quadruple... dare

to caw meow ta
as silence rings loud and clear
ja hiss don't miss snake
pig in a poke hogtied
sow owl only tell ya beware
me dogged holy cow

cuckoo bird harebrained
effort won't impair
corpus collosum, where
seat of thinker housed
fortunately ye ant near
my neck of the woods here

Schwenksville cuz after
innocuous, impetuous, illustrious...
brainstorming deluge... glare
til hearts content
with nostrils that flare
lemming just be reel

regarding rocky mission
opossum bull, I swear
dogged bonafide effort
thanks ocelot to bear
with beetle browed toadying

off fish hill who accidently
didst entrap and snare
courtesy hook line and sinker
masterly baited metaphorical
Earthworm dangling cyber air

**** sitter me batty
*** sin nine, I admittedly duck lear,
but don't badger me, Noah
ark confess with prayer
yak see no porpoise here.

Mine offset fooey zook equilibrium
translated into at least one raw bit
(hmm...maybe the naughty one) being askew,
which nearly (worse case scenario) critically
could burn up every hair strand fiber optic wired conduit

sans, and destroy the primary, secondary, tertiary...
connection of this (motherf**) circuit
board, which (sorry tubby explicit),
whew close call offset (viz skin of
"FAKE" teeth), in NIC of time avoided major deficit

thankfully technical glitch
bit dust courtesy re: micro
processor faux wall thwarted,
toppling scaffolding upholding democracy forfeit
sure would totally wreck global functionality luckily

ace craftsman ma papa with keen insight
anticipated built-in catastrophic fail/
safe under soldering gun,
preemptively incorporated chess
grandmaster measured gambit,

hence avoiding future government
shutdowns since implicit
within migrant manufactured mesh
of webbed components houses white lie
sense to circumvent, via automatic
nanobyte size trigger

comprising a binary coded buffered kilobyte,
yours truly able to attune
consciousness to any slight
fluctuation, perturbation, variation, et cetera
imperceptible to nobody but me,

a "smart" sensor, that doubles as infrared light,
whereby coded instructions encrypted airtight
bequeathed to this artificial intelligence
as digitally patented birthright
also linkedin virtual reality appurtenances

portray futuristic bombsight
of World War III a minuscule,
yet not improbable chance event, some bright
eyed and bushy tailed hacker infringes copyright

gleefully launching atomic missiles,
which thermonuclear midnight
leaving Earth a lifeless burnt offering,
where scant bands escape by spaceflight,
whence this garden variety
will no longer be able to write!

without further ado
i offer my self to download
   as a friendly ghost in the machine
   who wont say boo
hopefully this introductory  

    acceptable fur ye to ponder and brew
from a mister mama popo
   of his small sized motley crue
whereby this spouse kind of resembles
   an offspring of an ostrich and emu

whose two female progeny he sired
   from personal super
   reproductive seminal goo
swimming swiftly via viscous hue
carrying miniature bin - laden

   with genetic heritage
   comprised predominantly of jew
with one one very late uncle lou
who himself happened to be
   a milch cow and frequently did moo

for his bare naked lady friend
   Winnie mandy della pooh
which induced inxs within me to rue
what comprises whose reality to be true

evolutionary biologists
   versus bible thumping creationists
the former claiming
   with tangible proof as their view
that all humans originated from primate zoo.

from:: math a u

postscript -- from this non-quaking corny flake of a cereal writer:
Perhaps living in the aegis of near poverty prompts this perceptive papa to ponder luxurious splendor being proprietor of palatial place, which domicile would being nothing less spacious than a sumptuous suite to entertain high society with exotic soirees suffusing the air with sassafras, scrumptious side dishes like seasoned salmon, sushi, et cetera.
    
A pipe dream that this pecuniary challenged pensive politically liberal philosopher would ever witness such reversal of fortune (per his precarious penury position), but strumming away at keyboard no harm to let overactive imagination run with illusory bulls at my own internal Pamplona.
    
So the thoughts tear at lightening speed (in tandem with mine own concocted thunder hoofs) to conjure up elusive, illustrative, possessive avidity towards escaping from maws of despair thru wishful longing to latch onto the façade of luxury.
          
Within deep slumber, this temple mount becomes more manifest populated by rich famous folks whose mansions separated by near ****** forests housing not only missing lynx but also countless other fragile listed fauna and fauna yet safe from illegal poachers, which animals unknowingly breathe easy while ensconced within the perimeter of this estates.
    
Massive amounts of money delivered by the genie in the bottle or an anonymous rich benefactor (more so than day dreaming about the far fetched prospect to make millions of dollars via magic would definitely allow, enable and provide the edifice complex to become a tangible goal.
    
I sure hope my rich uncles reads this communique so he can bring deliverance to this lamentable life whereby Lucifer lurks around every catacomb and cackles with that maniacal laugh that very closely resembles...MINE.

(alternate title – A bona
er fide dog day afternoon delight).

A mere half dozen vowels
constitute the English language
    Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay
Consonants comprise majority
  
(sans remaining twenty)
     Ta Deum, whereby both
     in tandem allow, enable and provide
     avast combination

    donning brooks at bay
ample lettered permutations
offer opportunities, where methinks
mother tongue avails

     allows, enables and provides thyself
tubby spell as sigh arrange
     passions linkedin to create, evoke
and generate plenti

     of romantic expressions to convey
an amorous, bedazzling conception
describing ******, graphic,
     and iconic ****** propensities
  
this cobbler, dabbler,
     and fiddler (no,
     not on the roof) doth display
his penchant, lament bent infatuation

     with these twenty-six symbols
     that **** hen ewe to evolve,
     and breed vernacular words
     to reflect from an eBay

definitions apropos
     to the present, which
Uber state farm quixotic oeuvre,
and matchless kindling

     ******* serves as foreplay
for this heterosexual ma reed male
     caressing, finessing, and integrating
expressions of speech

     oft times spurs
     (what might seem as noun sense),
I ponder the peccadilloes
     being sixty nine shades of gray

yet quickly reroute
     ****** predilections
     albeit rolling in the hay
whence this dis straw t fellow
  
conjures affinity,
     comity and excitability
latent within the consanguinity
of bossy verbs assaying boisterously
  
an interjection tubby
     top dog capstone amidst kennel
of barking canines couching
     with another similar subject
  
each with their body electric
nestled upon a davenport faux pas inlay
in conjunction with another
     furry four legged friend,

     the direct object
particularly eye ying a ***** in heat,
     who **** okay
to buffer end an un

     pro noun sub bull underdog species,
     who feels passé
with ****** faw paw play
though averse to insult

     shaggy scoobie doo,
whose bark a role overture
     willingly doth goad her to doggy paddle
while she woofs down remnants

     of a picnic tourists left littered
while Lady and the *****
     head toward the quay
Pier ring for private sloop

     to **** per ****,
     then prematurely ******* hoo ray
afore slyly cagily approaching
     bag of cheap tricks see
     ****** exploits today.

awaiting commercial sponsors to become...
what else...,but hand over fist money makers?
(http://www.holidays-and-
observances.com/february-15.html)

Excess Valentine's surplus sweet treats
and assorted paraphernalia
need not go to waste
said sappy accouterments
can be repurposed

quickly without haste
less pronounced celebrated fetes faced
overwhelming stiff as an arrow baste
in love potion, understandable
no satiny frills laced,
or some other eye catching

emoji, persona, symbol...
awaits deft ploy of marksman/
woman to lift from obscurity,
whose ontological, mythological,
historical...basis replaced
essence mined to the Maximus,

and references to FACTS erased
with brilliance craftily distilling
entrepreneurial finesse aced
to broker psychological seduction,
(albeit subtle) synchronicity braced,
sans free market capitalism crux

linkedin at optimal nexus enterprize prefaced
with salient mania to generate profit raced
to the forefront of popular media
adulterated and of course embraced
by president of United States with
many commercial donning merchandise,

quoting P. T. Barnum,
there's a sucker chased
and born every minute, and
trumpeting how to make

a stack of money
(held together by
toothpicks and paste)
tall as the Taj Mahal,

which occasion aced
with fanfare including
handing out signed "FAKE"
copies of 'The Art Of

The Deal' amazingly graced
on podium along with
candies, gewgaws, tsatskes...
toting, praising, lauding...merits of:

Angelman Syndrome Day
Annoy Squidward Day
(Sponge Bob Square Pants)
International Angelman Day
International Childhood Cancer Awareness Day
Lupercalia
National Caregivers Day -

February 15, 2019
(Third Friday in February)
National Gumdrop Day
National Hippo Day
Nirvana Day – (Buddhist)

Remember the Maine Day
Susan B. Anthony Day
World Information Architecture Day -
February 15, 2019
(Third Friday in February).

Minimally impacts mine secluded lifestyle,
cuz yours truly came into this madcap world
approximately 534714.57958 times after
gnomon cast shadow across flat plate of sundial
ever since being a little boy, I throve while
existence kept me in solitude, thus isolation trial

directly linkedin with pandemic necessitates
sparse human contact, yea analogous to an exile
punishment far removed, quarantined, condemned...
and essentially metaphorically banished necessitating
befriending self as best beastie boy bad company
where madding crowd hashtagged insync existing

within territory hostile currying aversion to socialize
worse fate than being eaten
alive (with one chomp) savored
by token smiling crocodile
absentmindedly pitching
head over heels into... state of denial

after out running a tribe
of 10,000 aboriginal maniacs,
hence out distancing latter only to buzzfeed former
whose absence not noticed, until long in the tooth
(actually between 60 and 72 teeth) said reptile
captured and subsequently dissected (I'll)
spare telling thee gory details

though amazingly well preserved ****** profile
comprising fully intact features
exhibiting me eternally frozen cunning guile,
nevertheless greater excitement arose
at similarity between former poetaster
and La Brea Tar Pits fossilized dinosaur kin
especially their respective coat
of armor ironic steely iambic style.

Nature made convenient sluice,
when pool water did wend
     down the gentle *****
     describing gargantuan wetsuit vend

er steadily chugging, chiseling,
     and channeling straight away
     blindly coursing upend
ding (mankind imposed)

property boundaries demarcations tend
with futile diligence,
     asper the whimsical barenaked lady's
     propensities, viz mother nature

     made short shrift send
ding hours of surveyor labor down
into the behavioral sink also rend

ding inhabitants within the flood plain
     to vacate premises and return,
     when storm didst abate
comically shaking angry fist
     at darkening non sheltering sky -

     faux imitating to berate
meteorological processes
     many complex systems create
the downpour seemingly
     appearing (to me) rainier date

then years gone by scattershot memories,
     (which figurative, somewhat unreliable
     yardstick of boyhood) did equate
climate affecting
     Southeastern Montgomery, Pennsylvania,

     registering **** sapiens ultimate fate
burgeoning population, which impact great enough
     for this lix spittle country bumpkin to *******
(not prematurely) Hawaii hate
to reckon my environmental impact doth irritate

fragile ecosystems, and  
     holistic lifestyle aye would trade
     (hint...mebbe ya know
     of eco-centric intentional communities)
     even (yes absolutely)
     necessitating sweat of brow *****

work agreeable to this sometime joker    
renting from management Grosse and Quade,
who primarily bolster increasing monies to get paid, 
perhaps partnership incorporates hiring maid 
service for their own households,
 
     no doubt beds get properly made
     yet, this regular John Doe (dependent on
     social security disability because
     debilitating panic attacks undermined

     ability to function found (yours truly) laid
up (prior to acquiescing strong suggestions
to accept prescription medication), where grade
to cope much less steep, plus un huff frayed,

now rowing tha old skiff to destination
     for to long not fostered and delayed
(christened matthew scott harris) to feign charade
nod duh so merrily lee down the time stream.

Nonetheless Rooted With Gumption

Implicit virtue of humankind
figuratively locked horns with vice,
yet time and again this mortal celibate,
(not by choice) sexagenarian thrice
older father of deux priceless young

women chock full, sans esprit de corps
exude radiant ump pa vital to add spice
to an otherwise humdrum life,
begat by reproductive cells
smaller than a grain of rice,

yet whose exultant bloom, ah price
less bouquet far superior to any
treasure discovered within Nice
joyous reunion (torturing
mine psyche) finally won

after a hiatus, where four
Earth orbitz around sun
when last these myopic eyes
graced with amazing run
day view earlier,

this April 15th, 2019 pun
gent, (cuz visit with Shana Punim) one
thousand four hundred and sixty days,
that seemed more like a ***
dread bajillion quotidian tomorrows,

where continually fading poignant memories
from countless fleeting yesterday's done
got hermetically sealed bun
dolled into an irretrievable past smart
teary eyed floaters restored to this "sir"

after death do me part,
where memorable times at playgrounds
analogous to envisioning glory, heart
ache, cloistered blessedness
synonymous, asper once regal Acropolis,

and/or Parthenon, wherein
antiquity never did depart,
cuz during 21st century smattering,
viz artifacts retained preserved art!

Shell yours truly share hook line
and sinker, regarding how I nearly
fell prey to off fish shill
doom for umpteenth time?

Ya haint got no choice... to late,
cuz eyes already clicked bait,
though don't worry be happy fate
will find thee enjoying poetic tête-à-tête
rhyming Hors d'oeuvres
ain't no Shakespearean literary great

expert, nonetheless might interest
with special Labor Day rate
absolute zero charge courtesy
to mollycoddle principally
as figurative paypal pit tate
ting gently massaging your pate

anyway don't get doggies in a dimple
yawping personal ambition
of this doggone puppy not to create
literary accomplishment appraised great
merely to fritter away time possibly
unexpectedly, unknowingly,
unwittingly... titillate.

Herewith follows "FAKE" off fish hill
anecdote without wallowing
in self pity and deemed gill
tee of slimy overkill,
whereby fisherman seeks likes of me,
who favors lollygagging
within Brooklyn rill

frequented by Jack and Jill
ice cream in vain
when riled, poked, nabbed...
courtesy angler England Bill
unaware his carping cavil
never fooling this ever will
fill squiggly... d'ya phylum me?

As proud Annelida where trawler
(accompanied with boating mate)
blithely tosses yours truly into catcher's
reel tin can - grim fate
ah, but survival skills include
ability to regenerate

in thee event mine body electric rotate
headed, chopped, perforated, segmented...
evening, increasing, licking... odds
laughing to myself, which doth not abate,
cuz I outsmarted, thus aye state
with modesty if perchance just a sliver

lopped off, destiny cannot eliminate
opportunity not to agitate,
but rather duplicate, replicate
unisexual worman hood
without need to feign
being irate, thus
pretend to equivocate.

Torpedo style full speed ahead
keeping me in suspense,
what salacious gossip
gets browned, buttered, rolled
down the alley and bred
into unsavory tidbits,

these souffled ears dread
to hear hard boiled morsels
poached, scrambled, whipped
donning barren falsehoods
zeitgeist spouting dunderhead
trumpeting hex pence heave

signature border wall
inside this weatherbeaten egghead
sponge bobbing squarepants,
whereby passers by some with fathead
steer clear avoiding your truly
wobbly, and zany fountainhead

even atlas shrugged his shoulders
in repugnance at mine R.E.M. bored
heavy slimy algal filled
legally tendered greenhead
thank dog - me noggin
rock solid hardhead

able to withstand falsehoods
pitting this uber capital one
tindered linkedin lyfted loggerhead
with silent springing
black barbs snubbed from lunkhead
argh, those cruel verbal slings

fired weapons courtesy
mass destruction multiwarhead
lobbed, rocket propelled, tear gassed
glancing off cratered moon faced pate
said vicious unfounded nailhead
sharp hearsay twittering

with wingspan outspread
pterodactyl by bajillion miles exceeded
size of Sheepshead
Bay, I knew best to tread
softly, and carry big stick
admonished by Teddy Roosevelt
in conjunction with unifying thread

primarily on issues
in mathematics and logic
advanced by Alfred North Whitehead,
hence we must find another

place to escape widespread
senior citizens acting juvenile,
maybe a place gravely wrested
or willingly conceded
from grateful dead.

(posthumous playful note to posterity kith unsealed
courtesy yours truly once deceased and cremated.)

Whew...so glad tubby gratefully dead
butta shaw miss dug hid ole days
when violence highly overrated
unlike current rooted locked dread,
aye wax poetically nostalgic when Fred
Rogers friendly persona
already quaintly outdated

mutinous armed militia incessant childish
popgun lawlessness pranks ran amuck
indiscriminately fired
magazine round as bullets sped
whizzing to and fro, hither and yon
slowed then stopped by flesh,

while folks nestled abed
****** sheets, yupper reckon
shot blew hole head
off, no necks time
no matter innocent victim led
virtuous life kneadlessly,

purposelessly, unfairly...
stole by bullet size Grinch, hmm possibly
just maybe, he felt put off and miss sled
by Whoever, thus mad as hatter his said
color turned fifty shades of gray
mottled with fire engine red

now, no matter such innocent chitty chitty
bang bang ruses by duplicitous
hotheaded hooligans bred,
cuz instead every man, woman and child
blessed, donned, gifted... with atomic warhead
absolutely crazy, but president instead

wanted even Steven playing field to win votes,
no matter constituents begged and pled
naught necessarily in vain
since humanity in short shrift
cleared off terra firmae,
another foreign species immune

to radioactive fallout sprung
out Taj Mahal fountainhead
of atlas shrugged ayn rand dilly read
deed planet Earth proof positive Q.E.D
drafted fiat whereby high
powered weapons packing heated lead
plus scattered nuclear bombs

melted than repurposed material
i.e. former munitions armaments purchased
hoof hull legal black market
into raw bits moon units instead
necessary for android robots to tread
carefully, but carry big stick,
when encountering dreamy eyed electric sheep.

Unsolicited, revered, and praised
potential literary fete,
(yes a bit hyperbolic),
sans mine posted poems that perambulate
such feedback, whither donning *******
("FAKE") facade, Oriel sincere

twittering, nonetheless tis great
for an ego striving to maintain
hum bull modesty, yet I hate
to be misperceived as
arrogant, boastful, pretentious,...wait
et cetera, cuz honestly,

these conglomerations create,
themselves, via some inexplicable
literary process which generate
prestidigitation soon after
affixing wired thinking cap,
whereby positioned electrodes exfoliate

on scalp yup thence, off miniature oblate
spheroid (suddenly barren) of golden locks
most soup Priam wantonly depilate
(envision candidate
undergoing biofeedback,
or...captured as bait)

by...yea (of course) alien invaders curious
to experiment, and subject a random pate
with out of this world tests that agitate
most precious anatomical accouterment
'bout size of average poe tate
toe (actually...almost same consistency)

okay...sorry, this chap doth relate
such comparison to
his own cerebral aggregate,
where he starkly realizes
neurological concentrate
takes a permanent vacation

to distant Palatinate
essentially leaving a void, ah...just
perfect for cosmic outliers to allocate
(no...no...no noninvasive, i.e.)
their laser like gizmos scrutinize how

(albeit unwittingly) to ameliorate
writer's block, thus
glad tubby ("Guinea Pig"),
and let abductors amputate
my killed expense ******* ("FAKE")
noggin pulp struggling to articulate,

(hence quite a relief,
you cannot imagine), dear mate
when fiber optic threads of light
essentially painlessly
(rather ticklishly aspirate)
clump of useless gray matter,
yours truly does implicate

as complicit to cause unnecessary
difficulty to associate
with **** sapiens, an extremely
strenuous task, thence joyful to dedicate
(without being headstrong),
an ***** minimally missed at any rate
long last free to babble poppycock
oblivious as ambitious readers berate!

To compensate for (A -Z)
     ineradicable alphanumeric
     character flaws (i.e. mutations
     of body or mind,)

     and avoid amass
sing wracking up vexatiously
     undesirable threatening class
action lawsuit against

     Matthew Scott Harris,
     which preliminary measure
     taken to avoid disembarrass
sing said individual as

     a majorly flawed individual
literal shortcomings of body,
     mind and spirit,
     the metier of writing doth encompass

a creative realm to trump
     geomorphology, sans groundmass
at the unsolicited expense
     (mine alter ego i.e. worst critic)

     will gleefully find,
     and expose grammatical,
     misspelling, spelling,
     et cetera errors to harass

glommed together with isinglass
hop, skip and jumping
     to appear as a *******
whereat no respect

     able collegiate lass
would give a fig about me,
     one totally tubular royal morass,
which expert anthropologists

     stumped asper nonclass
     if eye able ****
     sapiens mutant ninja turtle
case in point being his

     wanting in height not e'en pass
     sing the six foot mark
     plus mental illness
     perhaps traceable to

     besotted cognitive damage
     inherited predecessors
     quaffing an overdose of quass
made obvious peering at resulting

     Ct scan results viewed
     via microscopic spyglass
revealing abnormal amygdala
automatically designating
     his aptitude underclass
among average human
     with mettlesome Zeusian brass.

Despite emotional, financial, grammatical...
any woe that doth assail
whereat early in the
morning until late at night tub bail
sinking craft, not possible
(essentially 24/7), I bewail,

where the fickle finger
of fate stationed me in life,
as if groping in the dark
unfamiliar with Braille
at heart though - directly predicted
on how yours truly did curtail

requisite healthy development of
body, mind, and spirit, yes analogous
to a train tragically did derail
in a near fatal
(scores of years ago) accident
(sorry no gory detail),

yet the impact still sorely felt
(argh...eek...ouch...all pains dovetail
actually more like subduction,
(way more powerful than deleting email),
sans plate tectonics geomorphism process
(a lengthy missive would entail)

full scale explanation, okay
in a figurative nutshell this, male
long (winded) fellow cannot Atlas
shrug off the belief he did fail,
and hopelessly embarked on
impossible mission to secure the Holy Grail

this state of mind linked to many pursuits
that metaphorically did fishtail
many objectives abandoned
finding me to flail
convincing myself at a
tender age incapable NOT gale

lent academically, athletically, avocationally...
thus many personal enterprises
witnessed a scared, hence best to hightail
further progress without testing potential,
I often ruminate, how aye did hobnail,

viz self imposed aversion to risk
on par with the most fortified jail
and one circumstance that
expunges burdensome junk mail
occurs basking under spray

as warm water doth prevail
cleansing, kickstarting, and
rejuvenating (albeit temporarily)
though some hours later...
back to choppy waves and torturous sail.

(no braggadocio! modest rodomontade scored triumphantly!)

Unbeknownst to me, a generic human ape,
an unpleasant surprise
     swished down like an ominous cape
awaited and near smothered me drape

ping that October morning, where no escape
presaged via frisky black cats
     chasing shadows on fire escape
crossed my path after walking under a ladder
     where ice **** ravens didst jape!
**********
Wheels of injustice applied via de
fender, sans Johnny Cochran forced ee
year splitting amidst general public fee
ver rush to absorb disbelief shell shock hee
ret tickle non guilty conviction from key

ping popular culture spell bountious lee
really exhausted viz three ring me
dee ya circus (June 1994 – October 1995) pre
vail ling obvious evidence irrelevant, thus re
deeming O.J. Simpson to strut guilt free

from emotionally charged trial. I awoke
as usual and performed customary bespoke
oblations vis a vis half-hour plus choke
hold asphyxiation meditation, okey doke
shuteye discipline followed daily to evoke

calm, cool, and collected trance zen dental
bliss before motoring on with gist of gentle
lee presented vignette, though me mental
state did not shift gears into a rental

modus operandi, but only partially new
trawl eyed , cuz the then fiancé (one mew
zing chic chick i.e. Abby Robin Zison), Jew
dish us lee spent the night
     at our transitional grew

some domicile) immediately nsync to report do
tuff lee (at the Goddard School)
     raced like a Chew
Bach ha's Dickensian protagonist back up Badoo
two flights of stairs. Like eponymous Aloo

men hum mushing spry feline woman out bitta bing
bitta bang (clanging like hells bells) ding  
donging, she immediately flew back fling
all four feet eleven of her harried style jing

ling in an agitated state she set foot to go bob  
bing out the door intent
   (as iterated) driving to her job,
and in combination pantomime
   and words crisis did lob

asper like a bot to me,
     she attempted to communicate rob
bing her unsuspecting fount of thespianism
   tub air gritty modicum
   of rationale from putrid slob

name of Leslie (the lunatic landlady)
     thine paramour conveyed clarity mouth ajar
after surmising urgent news
     required automatic action to un bar
driveway, where I parked car,

the previous night surreptitiously venal far
from rational rapscallion most definitely har
bored an axe to grind, and locked Ford Escort par
**** shinned within chain linked fence - war

fore suggestion got made
     (from future bride)
to confront landlady,
     and sternly insist and mildly chide
corrective action taken,

     yet this storyteller defied
said suggestion, and brainstormed
    with betrothed asthma guide
averting compromising neither of our pride

and prejudice respective, sans stevedore
managers would not let us slide
gnome hatter, how we could not
     escape deprecation
     no matter how much we tried.

Prior to heading off to bed
     the prior night, I deigned
to express likelihood to landlord/owner
     thyself and pseudo spouse needed to find

another place to live. The major reasons
for vacating premises? Her grind
ding cigarette no ifs, ands
     or buts smoking mind
less ness ranked (on par
     with chimney didst wind

     burning wood smoke
at full blast) as primary source
     of revulsion did provoke,
and aye came across with homespun folksy
sensitive mien, as a simple country bloke
I expressed honest sentiment at being
extremely averse (where hacking awoke

     the future wife)
     from second hand carcinogen(s)  
     extant within cancer sticks. Asphyxiation deafen
knit lee found me choking half to death even
putting towel under the door, or

     additionally keeping
     bedroom window wide open,
the malodorous nicotine wisps ambled - pen
     knit trait ting, wending, curly cued,
     and filtered thru fabric with mischievous yen.

No matter, the twisting tendrils of tobacco found
their way into ole factory nasal cavity ground
zero, sans health conscious holistic being hound
did, what constituted one deranged dame
     the SPCA ought to impound.

Another factor fueling foul accommodations yin
     wanna know offset fine tuned win
Dixie yang,
     which odoriferous torture constituted

     nauseating odor of cat *****
and litter boxes smelt worse than sin,
cuz, they never got cleaned of feline ***** matter
     near visible as a unsightly dangerous shark fin.

Upon summoning effort
     and energy to communicate
bona fide concerns, she responded
     and didst denigrate

with contempt fiery madness irate
psychotic malicious venomous vile
     as dead body snatcher mate
and then insidious wheels

     of malice with tongue flames
crackling, popping, and snapping
     from out her reptilian pate
     began to turn more sharply

     amidst ghoulish clatter and path
     of destruction on her tabula rosa slate
with more danger than
     along axis of evil tete a tete.

She madly paced back and forth
     across maligned envisioned aisle
a small patch of uncluttered space in main foyer
     witnessed seething rage wherein

     carpeted floor boards,
     an imperfect circle shod feet didst dial
no doubt internally
     plotting vengeful strategic guile.

Castigations, fulminations, and insinuations ague
gulled out her mouth
     noxious fumes left exit pronto flew
ludicrous lacerations
     from fiery dragon lady did spew

while yours truly soundly slept
     and without incident dreamt edenic view
she unwittingly trappings to annihilate  Xandu
some personal vendetta. After I washed, dressed as a zoo

keeper headed downstairs,
     the malicious scheme she did hatch
out back became a living reality,
     an empty house doors hooked with latch

(Samir, the other occupant) left hours earlier no match
to tangle with wicked witch absented premises natch
eerily echoed every footstep trod one patch,
after another
     patent leather slippers paused to scratch

an niche 'pon second landing
     (to confirm a strong hunch)
that nary a soul heard nor seen,
     probably out to lunch,

no raving ranting banshee
     demented drunk as punch
No zombie like entity appeared from the “DO
NOT DISTURB” sign affixed
     outside sleeping area, aye did scrunch

brow to compress insight,
     where mangy catatonic felines
     shared coterie holograms suddenly jumped out
     from virtual reality cat n' app cradle
     swishing tails shorn like cat o' nines

mewing obscenities (within/ out
     computer screen, ominous signs,
sans phantasmagoric phantom) lurking
     like a lunatic swing from vines.

Nonetheless, I continued to tread
     down dimly lit said
lower level with glimmer
     of optimism to bolster lead

din heavy mood crossing fingers
     spare set of skeleton keys
     (with cross bones and skull head)
nearly always left tantalizingly
     dangling in unused door latch, twas cred

double wish, thus spirit within me soared
and just as quickly sank to abyss of psyche moored
     sensation felt like poured molten lava oh Lord
Guess what? No such luck. Oh,
     she definitely would not a ford

carelessness, and took precautions okay
hiding temptation to make a getaway
Well…I stepped outside
     to assess situation. Blimey cray
zee myopic eyes forced to glean deadbolt
     found gate shut tight, thence a feeble bray

escaped parched lips, when lo...vix
teased and cross myopic eyes,
     no doubt played tricks
holy glory. Ah, a handsaw
     carelessly got left and altered mix
matched tool chest in plain view, a sudden fix

but prior to acting on the plan, quite do able
I made a few telephone calls
     first telephonically cable
hub rate, and firstly contacted employer

     told tale more unbelievable than a fable
thence to local police
     in order to file complaint against
     goon bonkers malicious monstrous label

quick as the brown fox
     jumps over the lazy dog
escape attempted perilous hell grog
ghee nightmare commenced after placing

     phone back on cradle, whence nog
     'gin set fingers to twitch busily
     sawing into one steel link,
    (an effort aye did slog)

thru to break at one linkedin steel segment
barricading trusty Ford Escort
     so this fellow could hightail with pent
up adrenaline out of nefarious
     steely web and test a mint...,

     whence surge of adrenaline
coursed from head to toe,
     my heart pounded not so gent
lee ready to burst from chest,
     and palms perspired profusely
with unexpected accursed of evil incarnate
     vis a vis hell bent agent

provocateur ready to pounce
     and deliver violent
retribution, which blows
     from blunt heavy object,
   would invariably render me unconscious
   courtesy of cerebral rent.

For better than worse, a kind face
of destiny smiled from countenance grace
sing unseen karma
     smiled smooth as sateen or lace
upon my essence as shaking hands

     furiosly moved saw handle
     back and forth dozens of times until…
THE CHAIN BROKE AND SET ME FREE
     now fickle finger of fate
     got me ought ta this place!