I broke my heart into pieces today-
It scattered all over the floor,
My friends stood and stared at me blankly,
And said "what are you doing that for?"
I broke my heart into pieces today-
It seemed like the right thing to do,
I figure now they can cover more distance,
And hope one of those pieces finds you.
I left bits on the train in the subway,
And some beneath shady old trees,
A few dozen in pages of favourite books,
And let a few drift on a breeze.
Yes, I broke my heart into pieces today,
As people gave dumbfounded stares,
I tried to explain to them calmly;
A broken heart's one that still cares,
So I broke my heart into pieces today,
To stop it going withered and black,
Hoping maybe one finds the right person,
Who is capable of loving it back.
I left one of them in this poem,
If you find it, dear reader, take care!
It is capable of loving you fully,
Though it's barely a wisp in the air.
I've been single now for three, possibly four years (but who's counting,right?). My last serious relationship ended, via phone, on what really should probably have been my deathbed in a hospital who's staff turned out to be capable of minor miracles.
Obviously at the time my heart was broken- we were due to be married and we had spoken of starting a family. I was truly and utterly devastated and hated myself immensely for a while.
Over time though, I gradually moved on- through sadness to bitterness to being quite uncaring about the whole business. My heart grew full again. It was never incapable of loving, but my mind refused to give it away fully, and a full heart, I had reasoned for many years, was the only sort worth giving. I have learnt, over the years, to accept this is absolute poppycock. There is no shame in being wary or afraid. There is no harm in gradually giving each piece of my heart, my story, and who I am, over time.
Trust has been a bit of an issue for me, and self-worth even more so. While I'm probably still not quite a fully functioning human being, I think it may be time to at least dip a toe into the lake of love and test the waters.
After all- who knows? Perhaps she's reading this poem right now...