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 Apr 2019 maledimiele
anna
drift
 Apr 2019 maledimiele
anna
love's golden.
with such thinness,
akin to
wispy dew drop-covered
spider threads,
floating
in air
towards me.
but I can't catch them
since they'll break-
what’s left of you and me.
lol I tried
 Apr 2019 maledimiele
KE
sometimes you’re so busy trying to mop up the mess of someone else’s grief, that you forget to spill your own tears.  sometimes they dry up and fade away before they ever find courage to fall.  yet, they come to laugh when you’re not looking, haunting the back of your tired eyelids.  

don’t spend your life trying to swim in someone else’s ocean.  not when you’re drowning in your own.  

and yes, maybe they cry louder.  maybe their heartache bleeds a deeper shade of red-- but don’t let it quiet your own cries and don’t let it paint over your own hurt.

and if no one else has told you this, then hear me now--

     1. you’re allowed to feel what you feel
     2. you don’t need anyone’s permission to grieve

own your tears. they have value, even if someone else’s pain has made you believe otherwise.
1/30

Written for NaPoWriMo 2019
Scar to the body
Heals but never goes unseen

Scar to the soul
Never heals but never is in sight
 Apr 2019 maledimiele
Venga
Salt
 Apr 2019 maledimiele
Venga
The grey cloud
Stretched the entirety of my
Visible world  
          

Vacant earth tears made
Themselves known to
My window
 Apr 2019 maledimiele
Ray Dunn
To the blue clouds
rolling out of town,

I’m begging for
a last hurrah.
Idk I’m sick of rainy days. They’ve been rainy all **** week :(
 Jan 2019 maledimiele
Belle
don't tell me it's going to be okay
when all i've eaten today was my own fingernails and a smoothie
but i want that ******* cupcake---
when i eat it though i dont even enjoy it, i force myself into hating treats so that i dont win.
so i take a bite and i just want to cry
don't tell me it's going to be okay
when no other treatment center will accept me anymore
and my insurance barely covers me because they're so fed up
i've left AMA twice and have been kicked out three times
now it seems im about to go to my seventh round of residential and people are saying i have control over it
"the eating disorder is not a separate entity" they say
then why do i want to eat but i'm literally being forced not to
then why do i want to say sorry to everyone i've hurt and every person i said "im not eating" to that has just wanted to help me, but the eating disorder tells me to focus on myself
then i must be the dissappointment,
then i must be a ****** person
don't tell me it's going to be okay
when i want to go home and just be with my mom
when i'm scared my dog is starting to like my mom more than me and it makes me want to crumble in agony everytime he follows her and not me, and won't sleep on my bed anymore any time im home. because all ive done to him was leave him for treatment
i understand if he hates me
don't tell me it's going to be okay
if all i want to do is isolate
and nap
and cry
and cut everyone out of my life,
even the ones i love dearest
dont tell me it's going to be okay
when i see my weight go up not even a pound
and i want to rip my skin off
and throw myself in front of a moving vehicle
not quite die but feel the pain i believe i deserve after gaining
don't tell me it's going to be okay
when i THRIVE off the look people give me when i say i havent eaten all day
or have thoughts of harming myself
and everytime someone says "gee you look sick"
i feel like im doing something right
don't tell me it's going to be okay
when i couldnt even get through a semester of college
without nearly dying
and am supposed to be going into my junior year but i've only got enough credits to be a first semester freshman
im a failure in all aspects
don't tell me it's going to be okay
because it wont be.
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