Days like this I just need to step back.
Realize that life *****.
And I better get over it soon.
Life ***** and is beautiful at the very same time.
I want the lessons I learned today to last forever,
But I want this day to end.
I want all the wounds of the past to close back up.
I want to stop reminiscing.
Reminiscing on being oblivious.
Reminiscing on the hate going on around me.
Reminiscing on the hate I was creating for myself.
But is it really reminiscing if it’s still there?

But I mean, I’m just like the others.
I’m just taking my time.
Going slowly. Passively.
Give myself chances to jump out of the pool that I will someday drown in.
Because you see, in a pool, you can get out.
But when you jump off an airplane into the middle of the ocean,
You’re stuck.
And I know I’m scared of the ocean,
But aren’t we meant to be daring?
I'm scared one day I’ll lose it.
And the pool will start transforming into an ocean, and I’ll let it.
I’ll stop swimming so close to the edge.
But until then, I’ll keep tiptoeing on the bottom.

what if today
was only a good day
so tomorrow could be my last

what if today
was my happy ending
God's final wonderful favor

what if today
was a desperate shot
to show someone life is alright

so if today
was my final good day
i'm alright if the end's coming

so if today
was my joyous goodbye
i'll tell God thank you very soon

so if today
someone else learned to love
i'm proud that i taught at least one

is this the end?
if so, thanks everyone
for a good day to end it all

the most common question
that you may ask someone
is
how are you?
or
how's it going?
and i think that it's kind of
pointless
because
nobody ever
says anything other than
good
great
or fine
why do we ask questions
about other people
if we can't even answer it ourselves

i mean
i don't want to be a burden or anything
that's why i may choose
to say
i'm fine
even when i'm not

i find that we
as a community
ask
"are you okay?"
whenever somebody is crying
way more than we should
because i mean

i don't want to create a scene
so i'll
stop crying
and tell you i'm fine
i told you
i don't want to be a burden

i personally
find that the term
ish
works quite well
it's still not the full truth
but i'm not a burden then either

so i think we need to
either
stop asking
or
start answering
because life isn't always
good
great
or fine

how are you happy
after hurting someone who
you were so close too

you don't understand
you've
cried
wolf
and been dramatic
so now
everybody ignores you
because
we don't believe you
why would we?

and honestly
you're my best friend
and i am yours
at least that's how
it used to be
now i can't stand
being around you

i still worry about you
trust me
it's true
i'm scared one day
it'll be real

i'm scared to lose you
because
i may not act like it
but you mean so much to me

Don't fall behind,
they say.
I won't (try to) fall behind,
I say.
You should be able to go above and beyond,
they say.
I should(n't) be able to go above and beyond,
I say.

I feel like I'm walking a wire
A wire so small a fly couldn't stand on it
But I'm here anyways,
I put myself here.
I thought I could
and now
I'm
stuck.

Keep up with your work,
they say.
I'll (try to) keep up with all my work,
I say.
It will make sense soon,
they say.
It will (not) make sense soon,
I say.

I feel like I'm drowning
And I have to pretend I'm not
Just so I can focus on getting more air
Like I have to encourage myself
But I hear the lies inside my head,
And I know
I'm telling the truth
When I say
I
can't
do it.

You can do it,
they say.
I can('t) do it,
I say.
All you have to do is put the effort in,
they say.
I just have to (try to) put the effort in,
I say.

I feel like my brain
Is just one big motivational poster
and it lies, oh it lies so much.
Because sometimes I won't get through this
It doesn't all just fall into place.
It's
not
all okay.

Try your best, that's important,
they say.
I'll try my best, and that's (not) important,
I say.
Stay organized so it'll be easier,
they say.
I'll (try to) stay organized,
I say.

Nice try.
I find it hilarious that you think you can make me better.
Good joke.
You must like jokes.
You try to make it fun.
Because I’ll do better and work harder and get better grades and honestly I’ll just be perfect if it’s fun.

Does it have to be fun?
Why can’t you just let me hate this on my own?
Why won’t you let me fail?
You have to fail to let me learn.
At least that’s what that big poster on the wall says.
Should I believe that, or you?

At this point I could be talking about synonyms.
Failing and passing.
You and the poster.
Feeling good and feeling like I’m drowning.
I’ve heard you only understand feeling like you’re doing okay if you’ve felt bad.
But doesn’t it work the other way around sometimes?

I feel like I’m drowning and yet the number on the screen says I’m fine.
That number defines me.
I’m not allowed to feel any different.
Not allowed to feel any other emotion.
I can’t be happy, I can’t be sad, I can only be a number on a screen.
Is that really all I am?

You say I should try harder.
Loosen up a little bit.
I shouldn’t fail. There’s no need.
No need to understand human emotion. That wasn’t on your resume.
All I am is a number.
Just a number who can’t do this.

sometimes when you're mad
the words just flow easier
maybe that's why I write poetry
maybe that's why I get into fights
maybe that's why people say I have a short temper
maybe that's why I yelled at you
maybe that's why I couldn't stop myself from punching you.
maybe that's why.

time
what a mystery
i can stare at a clock for hours
but this week
it went so fast
i can't remember
what color shirt i wore
last monday
i can't remember
the person i talked to
on tuesday
it's only been a couple days

but at the very same time
i feel like last year
was yesterday
and yesterday
was last year

they say time flies
and oh it flew
but isn't time
just a way to keep track
of how long we've been alive
and how long we have left
i mean
we never know for sure
and sometimes things happen
that aren't quite fair
but we'll always have time
and it'll always be a mystery

you
you've been all i wanted for a while
for so long it's unimaginable
you were my everything
and even though we were never together
i couldn't imagine myself giving you up
because that would be too weird

and
and i do feel weird now
now that i think i've given up
wow - imagine that
i never thought i'd say that
i always chased after you
but why try to love anymore?

i
i don't feel like a lover anymore
no one left to chase after
that's just fine though
at least that's what i'm told
i'm pretty sure i'm done
that's it- i'm done.

you and i- a dream
goodbye dream of mine

I am a poet.
Not all my lines rhyme,
But they do sound cool time to time.

I am a poet.
I write my feelings on paper,
While i stare at some of the ugliest wallpaper.

I am a poet.
I dance around a rhyming dictionary,
Because i'm not some rhyming fairy.

I am a poet.
I can turn love into hate,
With a few words of great weight.

I am a poet.
I can take the words of a book,
And make them into a poem like a cook.

I am a poet and i write words of mystery for pleasure.

you took what was mine
and made it yours, not knowing
that it was all I had

hello?
are you still there?
i heard you're leaving soon
and i wanted to apologize
while i can still reach you

let me begin by saying
i wasn't faking it
i really truly hated you
but i'm sorry for everything
i did in retaliation

i shouldn't have let myself
push the boundaries
scream so much
but let's be honest
i was too shy to actually scream to your face

i remember the times
you started yelling at me
because i did something stupid
i got defensive
but who wouldn't be?

i should've learned my lesson
but i let pride blind me
i'm sorry for that
now i hope
i've learned my lesson

i just assumed everything
was out of spite
that you hated me too
but know i know you cared
and i hope others will understand that too

so i'm sorry
for the things that i did
for the angry poems i wrote
i'm sorry for everything
and i hope you forgive me

i haven't written in a while

and no,
it's not because i haven't had anything to write about

i just haven't been able to get the words out

there are verses and rhymes galore
running through my brain

they never leave

but i guess that's okay

because poetry is my therapy
and i hope it continues to be all i need

why can i never maintain a friendship?
i also bring it to something more
i can't seem to let myself just be happy
it almost like i don't want it
i'd rather be with you than be happy
but would i be happy then?
or can i just be happy now?

why can i never maintain a friendship?
with you, it just got awkward.
but i barely even did anything
i wasn't even the one who told you
leave it to someone else,
why did i think that was a good idea?
we drifted because it was just too weird.
******, why did i let that happen?

why can i never maintain a friendship?
with you, i stayed silent.
i think you might have known
but we were smart enough for once to stay calm
and not say anything
but was that worth it?
we could have been amazing before you left.
******, why didn't i say anything?

why can i never maintain a friendship?
with you, i was cautious.
a complete stranger to me brought it up
caught me completely off guard
and at that time i knew i wanted you
but you weren't so sure
why are we so afraid of each other?
i'm ready to be reckless again.
******, why can't i do this?

why can't i just manage one friendship?

so you're leaving.
what should i be believing?
well if you were to ask i'd tell you
whatever, you're just the kid i sit next to
but really:

once you're gone,
i hope i'll say goodbye to the picture i've drawn
of you and me,
singing along with only pure glee.

once you're gone,
i hope that i will always carry on
that i'll get along,
and nothing will feel wrong

once you're gone,
i hope i won't awake at dawn
busy thinking of
what could've been real love

once you're gone,
i hope you can always count on
those around you
and your personality doesn't go askew

but for now
i'll deal somehow.
because you're gone,
gone with the wind.

how do you bring Joy
that seems to be an endless question
how do i bring Joy to my life and others’?
how do i live as a source of abundant Joy?
how do i make others Joyful?

the most Joyful people aren’t held back by their past
there is no thing that makes one incapable of Joy
nothing can be held back
Joy is unrestrained.

the most Joyful people are at peace
they move past whatever is seen as wrong in their life
they focus on finding the peace
Joy is at peace.

the most Joyful people don’t know what they’re doing
they don’t know how much they help others
how much their outlook on life changes others
Joy cannot be forced.

so how do you bring Joy?
you don’t hold anything back
you find your peace
you just let it happen
to bring Joy, you must let yourself be free.

the number on a screen says i'm fine
       i wish it was true
the number on a screen says i'm smart
       i wish that was true too

nope the truth is
       i'm real good at bullshitting a paper
the truth is
       i have no idea what's going on

but apparently i'm fine
       i guess i'll just keep pretending
you want to know the secret?
       i don't have one honey

maybe it's because practice makes perfect
       i've been doing this for quite a while
maybe it's because you can't spot the difference
       i promise it's a solid possibility

but anyways

the number on the screen says i'm fine, great even
       i wish it was true
the number says i'm smart, maybe even a genius
       i really wish that one was true

so if you could
look a little closer next time

i wish i didn't hate you

and i bet

you wish i didn't hate you

but

unless something changes

we'll be stuck at this standstill

with no movement

in the right or wrong direction

hello.
i've missed your class
and the people in it
but that's not why i'm here
i'm here to thank you

i'm here to thank you for your support
thank you for everything
you did to help me understand
i might still not get it
but i'm much closer now

thank you for letting me be myself
thank you for all the laps i took
because i wouldn't have survived
thank you for putting up with me
i know it was hard

and most of all
thank you for introducing me to poetry
it's now my safe place
i write everything
and i never thought i'd say that

so thank you
thank you for all you did
i really did learn something
other than how to laugh
thank you