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Luis Valencia Dec 2018
Dear Anyone

I lay awake listening to the sounds of a settling apartment
It creaks and moans and then goes still what I hate most is the silence
It’s ominous

I lay there in a cold bed
My chest feels tight
And my throat feels like it’s closing
My legs are shaking
My eyes are heavy

I ask for rest
I close my eyes and pray
I feel my hot breath escape my lips
My eyes burn and water leaks from them

I want to sleep
But I cannot
I think about leaving the room
But I’m scared I’ll disturb the silence

Tears try to leave my eyes
And my eyes begin to sting  
I cannot sleep
I will not sleep
Tonight.
Luis Valencia Jan 2020
Sometimes I feel like we lose ourselves in the madness of life. We hold things in and are scared of being vulnerable with one another. I feel like humanity is so desensitized to emotion. We claim to feel things but often our feelings are just fabrications of what we want to feel. I think this is why love is a concept thats foreign to me. I've said "I love you" so many times but I don't think I've ever really meant it. I'm so desensitized to the word that my heart feels grainy and saturated in false ideas.

The thing is you have cleared the fog of lies that crowded my heart. I feel electric when you're near me. That's dangerous for Me. I'm not used to feeling such intense and real emotion. I'm used to going through life on a generic understanding of feeling. Something about the way you say my name makes my stomach jump and my heart speed up. You're causing physical changes my body is reacting to you. You caused my soul to wake up and seek you out. I'm beginning to see things my quality of life is improving. I want change I want to break out of the conformity that society has placed me in. It's all because you reached out your hand and saved me from drowning in my own fabrications of love. Thank you for showing me what true love is. Thank you for showing me that love still exists.
Thank you my love
Luis Valencia Jun 2018
Taste the lies
On the lips
Of your lover

Tell me it isn’t delicious
The saltiness of lust
And the sweetness of pain

Tell me how you betrayed me
The way your lips move taunt me
They make me shake

I love hearing you say things
The vibrations of your voice
Take the thoughts of longing away

Kiss my hips
Kiss my chest
My lips

Tell me you love me
Even if its just lust
I want your lies

They fuel the fire
Of passion
In me

Even if its all
Just a fantasy
He kissed me once
Luis Valencia Feb 2018
its hard to feel something for you
when I know we aren't compatible
you keep to yourself
I am constantly breaking out of my shell
you like the stillness of a calm night
I like the wild lights the city shines on my skin
I want you to love the things I love

I can't change you
and
I won't change myself for you

Then you hold my hand
and the world melts away
the stinging pain of longing cuts my throat
It drys out my tounge
I love you
you love me

but we can't be together
Love is not love with you
Luis Valencia Jun 2018
Bullets rain down
And they fall
On the backs of children

Children who had more
Children who could have had more
Children who would have made changes

The public is outraged
The children protest
The adults panic

Adults are ignorant
The believe in a number
They believe that the number 2 gives them rights

They aren’t aware that none of us have rights
We live in a cesspoll of lies and false justice
All because we never took action
We want change
Luis Valencia Jan 2018
My name is chaos in his mouth
His voice was a storm - Tempest
A fierce zephyr
He is fragrant
Hibiscus Hyacinth Jasmine Gardenia  
spreading over me like a fog
A quiet mist
That sings a beautiful song
He is everything
The molecules in everything
Yet he can make me feel like nothing
he
watched me
     From
afar
Luis Valencia Apr 2018
Each day I carry things that I wish I could drop.
Each day the burden of the things that I carry crush me into submission.
I feel alone and lost each day; it’s like I’m gasping for air and holding onto a fragment of hope.
Each day I carry something new and it piles on until it will ultimately lead to my demise.
The burden of solitude, guilt, a necklace, a fragment of hope.
Each item or emotion that I carry holds a piece of me.
I can’t dare part with these things it would tear my very existence apart.

My mother once said that each day I walk into the world, someone would try to hurt me.
It was a cold night and my mother was at the kitchen table holding something. My birthday was fast approaching, and somehow I knew that whatever was in my mother's curled fist was my gift.
She whispered my name, and I walked in, anxious and excited.
Her hands were soft in the kitchen light.
She looked tired and worried.
I walked to her and held her hands.
They were small in size and frail to touch.
A swift rain was tapping on the windows, begging to be let in.
In a delicate movement, she dropped a sea of silver into my hands.
When my eyes finally fixed on the object, it was a necklace that had a treble clef on it.
I felt the cool silver in my hand and looked up at her.
She held my gaze with her eyes and whispered to me.
She told me that as long as I had that necklace, I would never be alone.
I carry it with me but never wear it in fear of it getting damaged.

When walking down a street alone, a person hears things that they never thought they would.
I hear life blooming and blossoming with emotions of love and happiness.
But each day I carry something different.
My emotions are dark, and I am unable to change them.
They are a black hole ******* in any ounce of happiness that I have.
I carry the weight of not fitting in anywhere; I carry the blood of the cuts that harsh reality has laid upon my body.
The world has slammed me to the ground, and I carry the bruises that life has placed on my heart.
Each time I try to get up, the burden of all the things that I carry becomes crushing.
I feel useless and alone; I doubt that the things I carry will ever go away.
I just have to hope and pray.
The only way to forget the emotional trauma that I’ve been through is to let everything go,
but I'm not strong enough to say goodbye,
nor am I strong enough to keep holding on.    

There are moments in life that stay with us even when things seem rough.
I remember when I was younger, and the world seemed like a huge place. Everything just felt smaller at grandma’s house.
I would go over there everyday and help her clean her house and arrange cans of food by their expiration date.
We would laugh and sing together, she would hold me close to her chest, and I would hear her heartbeat in her chest.
The sound of life pulsed through her, until it didn’t.
My grandmas funeral was on a very hot summer day, but I had never felt colder.  The vision of seeing her casket being lowered into the ground made my heart twist in my chest.
I was alone in that moment, and it will always stick with me.
The memories of life and death remind me of how little time we really have on this earth.
Now I live each day as if it was my last.
I carry the memory of time that pressures me to be more and do more before my time runs out.
When I look at all the things that I carry I realize that being human is one of the hardest things to do.
We have to carry the burdens of life, things to keep us from going down, and the hopes and dreams to do better.
The things I carry each day are a reminder of how the world has shaped my personality.
I would never be able to part with the things I carry because, ultimately they are the things that make me myself.
I felt lost and alone yet I realized we all are lost and alone
Luis Valencia Aug 2019
Here I am again
Alone in the stillness of night
A group of Fluorescent bulbs light the pavement below me
I feel the clawing urge to run in my bones

The dimly lit town seems to be a reflection of my existence
And perhaps maybe not even a reflection
But a bad omen foreshadowing what’s to come

I stand there alone
Watching as the darkness wisps around me
Latching onto my body with cold hands
Whispering promises of release from a cold and cruel world that knows all of my weaknesses

I'm ready to die
Death is ready to take me
I stand in the belly of the beast
Luis Valencia Mar 2019
We grow
We rise
We wither
We die
We feel
We hurt
We smile
We hope

Introduction: - the THOUGHTS of a FLOWER
Luis Valencia Jul 2019
The universe kisses my palms
And lays it's stars inside of me
The universe saves me by
Planting orbs of warm light
In my chest

In the night
gentle beams of hope
Radiate through my skin
Like Fireflies
And lure the darkness away from my lover

The light guides him
Into my arms
Where he is safe
And will never fear the dark again
For when he touches me
The universe will bless him
With the warm light inside of me

He will find his way home
And guide others
How I have guided him
The universe nurtures us
And feeds us the hope we lost
By giving us a light
When the world is dark
Luis Valencia Oct 2018
I smile
Hoping to give someone a reason
To talk to me
I’m ignored

Lately I’ve felt lonely
I have friends
But there is still an emptiness inside of
Me

I look at walls of beige
And carpet floors
I feel like I’m in a cage
Or a display case

Each day I live in a character
Someone who I wish I could be
I feel like I’m not genuine
I’m a clone of what society fixated as normal

It’s exhausting looking in the mirror
And seeing a ghost
Fighting it seems useless
It just crawls back into my mouth
And burrows there

Why must we become someone we’re not
To feel whole again
To,
Luis Valencia Jun 2018
To,
To the man who stole my innocence
Kiss my ***

To the men who think its okay for them to ask me to expose myself for their pleasure
Kiss my ***

To the conservative women out there who think *** is unpleasurable
Leave your husbands

To the men who can’t please their wives take ******

To the old ladies who feed the stray cats of my hometown
Live like you’re young agaun

To the children who still dream never lose your minds

To those who are reading this keep pushing you are worth it.
....yeah kind of not sure what this is...
Luis Valencia Mar 2020
Tomorrow always felt like it was years away as a child
I would wait in anticipation for it
I fell in love with Tomorrow
Until I started to be pushed toward Tomorrow
Tomorrow drew closer as we got older
I started to notice that Tomorrow began to creep into my head
Tomorrow became a due date
Tomorrow became one of the major things that fueled my anxiety
In my mind there was never enough time between the present and Tomorrow
Tomorrow began to tear at my sanity
Tomorrow inserted itself into the most private places of my mind
It built itself a home there
I never wanted to see Tomorrow
But when I met you
I started to anticipate Tomorrow again
Tomorrow no longer felt like a death sentence
Tomorrow became one of my biggest goals
If I could make it to Tomorrow
That meant I could make it to you
I learned that Tomorrow is never guaranteed
I no longer fear Tomorrow
I embrace it
You helped me realize that Tomorrow is not Infinite
We all will eventually run out of Tomorrows
So instead of worrying I will dream and imagine what Tomorrow will bring
Because at one point in time a Tomorrow brought me you
I wrote this for someone special in my heart
Luis Valencia Jun 2018
I feel empty
Like I have no purpose.

I feel like an ancient god or maybe even an elemental who sees that the earth is functioning well without him
Who notices that the skies are no longer starving the earth of their sweet moisture.

I feel like a boy trapped inside a brick house
He looks out of his sheltered home
and longs for the feeling of the cool breeze on his face.

I feel like a rotting tree
Nothing good on the inside while the outside looks almost normal, maybe even stoic and well kept from a distance.

Please
someone
anyone
give me purpose.
Tears and Tiger lilies
Luis Valencia Apr 2019
It was easy to get lost in you
You were everything I wanted
But through the fabrications of my mind I created a current of falseness
I was washed away by my own reassurance

I felt that I could replace what You couldn't give me

Love

Now I exist
In the skeleton of love
Buried deep where the warmth of you
Can't reach me

The after shocks of your heart beating
For someone else still drives me crazy

You were the budding flowers of spring
Those fragrant flowers I once loved
Now all I know is the foul stench of a rotting tree

You took me
And broke me

Now I have to pick up the pieces
And rebuild Myself
I wish he loved me
Luis Valencia Dec 2017
tears fall from my eyes when I think about him
its been days and I haven't heard from him
I wonder if he spares a thought for me
I want to invade his mind
place my feelings inside of his hollow brain
and make him feel what I feel
I want him to feel the pain he has caused me
the longing
the wishing
the hoping
all of it
-
the worst part about loving someone like him is the ignorance
he holds nothing close to him
he can kiss me and feel nothing
he is ignorant in love
and I am an expert
he can share a bed with me
and still say that we are just strangers
he can see the vulnerable parts of me
and still claim that he doesn't know me

I have loved him for 10 years
10 years I want to take back
how and why does he make me feel this way
I still love him even though it hurts
Luis Valencia Jul 2018
I look at you
And I see the future
Of humanity
The pain
The suffering
And the peace

You look at me
And see nothing
For your eyes are blind to the truth
Scars from your past cloud your vision

We look at each other
There is a ominous static in the air
A heavy burden weighs on both of us
The undying love and our insecurities

I want
You want
We want
To be healed
Heal me please
You
Luis Valencia Jul 2018
You
You were a work of art
Made from golden strokes of light
A picture of a thousand solar flares

You were a quiet wind
In the still of the night
As the leaves danced in the wind
You followed in their footsteps

You were a queen at a young age
Born to rule
Given every chance to be successful
Yet you wasted it on a boy who couldn’t love you

While you rotted away from a broken heart
Your parents tried to save you
They tried to paint you in gold
And remake the art work
That showed who you were

You took their brushes and ripped them to shreds
You gathered their paint and smeared it across a canvas Of miserableness
You tried to ruin each piece of art they made of you
When you crushed their brushes they were sent to tears
Yet they started painting with their fingers trying to reach out to you

You slowly realized that you were gold
And when you saw the art that showed who you were you began to cry
Tears of golden lace and crimson made way for the shower of rose patches on your cheeks

You are loved

— The End —