I remember the hatefulness
Resting between corridors
Watching as doors opened
Waiting to pounce, suddenly,
On someone with mousey hair
Who was studious and square.

The undercurrents ran like
Tram lines, intersecting,
Infecting others with mockery
The pulling of hair, kick on shin
I feared break with its milk stains
And so many broken bottles.

My good looks saved me the bully
As I was seen as an asset to be used
A symmetrical form unnoticed
As I hurried past the stair wells
Hoping today it would remain quiet
Today, I think of Margaret Atwood .

I like to think that deep inside,
All men want peace in the end.
But as I've seen, we can't coincide
Though same goals lie around the bend.

I like to think that all men use war
To greedily take that peace for him
With blood, sweat, and screams that roar
They secure that peace as they win

I ask why does man fight
An endless conflict in different forms
Why must there always be a right
Why must their always be war?

Watching sadly as our once beautiful love dies slowly like the flower with it's petals so weak as they fall to the ground. Knowing within the depths of your heart you can't save it or bring it back to life. All that's left to do is pick up the petals like the pieces of your heart and and hope there's a live seed left to replant and grow again one day.
If you leave the petals to soak up the moisture on the ground it's surely to mold the seed, which makes it so much harder to grow another flower from a molded seed. My heart left open to be broken over and over gives it no time to heal, for if it should ever love again., It must get away from the person that's breaking it  before it to becomes the molded petal laying on the moistened ground left to mold away.
©kimmied1105

You told me you felt that our relationship was a pool.

That I have jumped into the deep end,
while you are still wading in the shallow end steps.
That you don't understand how I managed to get
myself into the deep end so quickly.

The thing about pools is this:

If you don't cannonball into the deep end,
you may never actually get in.
If you're standing at the shallow end,
the water could be too cold,
too hot,
too many leaves floating around,
too many bugs,
anything could convince you not to
fully submerge into the water.

If you cannonball in,
the hard part is over with.
You've dedicated all of yourself to the water;
mind, body, and soul.
There's no more second guessing.
There's no other excuse as to why you shouldn't swim.
There's no going back and that's ok,
because in all reality you wanted to swim.
You just needed to let go of the fear
that swimming will be too challenging.

Our relationship is like a pool.
I have dived in,
ready to fill this pool with love for you.
While you are still on the second step,
afraid of me.
Afraid that the love I give to you will be fleeting.
That I will leave you like everyone else has.
That my love for you is a joke,
that my love for you will never be enough.

I have a confession to make.
I have the same fears.
But I am still here,
in the deep end.
Waiting for you to look past your fears,
to accept them and dive head first anyway.
If you stand on the steps the whole time,
you will never swim.
You will never know the love I could give you.

Dive in baby.
I promise I'll catch you.

The thoughts of suicide
Dance in my head
Like a lucid dream.
How much happier
Would the world be
If I could no longer breathe.
Would you cry?
Could you remember
Our last talk ?
Would you even care?
My mind would finally be free.
No more darkness.
No more demons.
As time goes on
The memory of my existence will fade.
You’ll make new memories
With better people.
You’ll fall in love again.
You will continue to succeed
As I lay a rotting corpse
Six feet under
In an overpriced box.
Don’t worry about me,
Because I’m finally free.

If you looked me in the eyes
in this moment would you
kiss me maybe
and
If you tried to hold me
would you maybe just adore me
i feel these tears in your eyes but
are they
tears of happiness? or regret that i'm the best you can do?

and
If maybe i was your dream come true?
do maybe i mean the world to you?
If maybe i inspire you the way you stimulated me
could it be
we're meant to be
or is maybe this whole things just a dream?

If perhaps we danced along the skyline
and down the desert roads
and maybe If
we took the time to check the signs
would you see me in your one way?

If If If I held all the things that you wanted
that you needed
that you treasured
would you want to hold me
maybe roll with me
maybe smoke a bowl with me
and reflect upon the fancy of our meeting here?

would you find it clear?
would you want me there?
would it be? could it be?
If you loved me
If you wanted me
maybe maybe
dancing under musky starlight under pulsing lights under breaking dawn breaking down under falling trees and tumblin doors
and maybe
just maybe
If you would wish for more. . .

If maybe you would play my game
If maybe you would pull my mane
and maybe we would play again
and again
and again
and again . . . .
why **** this fight for what we think is right and good and smart to do
**** your insecurities your guidelines your safety rails
no ones safe when we dare to inhale
and If i breathed your sweat intermingled with mine
my breath and yours could go in time . . .
and our hearts would beat in something greater than rhythm, our souls would speak in something so much more powerful than rhyme . . .
be mine
be mine
be mine
take me
let me be yours
yes thine
yes thine
yes thine
and our hips would move in sync in time
it's right
it's right
it's right
and IF we made this IF something greater than what lies infected in my mind . . .
lie behind
lie behind
lie behind.

let's ride.