Memories memories go away
That's my conscience everyday
I make overthinking seem like a chore
You only hate when you do it more
Keeping me up late looking for security
Wishing my hands were full of yours and you right next to me
Sip life straight out the bottle and enduce
A time where time stops ticking and tocking an impossible truce
Unable to let go of your daily habits
Lay down on your mattress toss and turn from the madness eye lids peeled open from the sadness  
To think when I didn't know your name yet you looked my way and I couldn't fake it but
I have to forget before I remember
All these memories, burn deep it's the embers
All I wanted to do was love her
While my lungs inhale the smok.. my feelings are being smuthered

Their ghost smiles,
And always existing files,
Haunt my dreams,
I see him play,
I hear her say,
"I love you dad"
Empty swings in a park,
That mock me by still dances in the dark,
I call out but I know they aren't real,
A darkness that feels,
I can feel their warmth and fright in my dream,
But when I try to hold tighter,
They evaporate into steam,
I guess fate likes to mock me,
When all I see are whatmighthavebeens,
We will see each other soon.

You can't fix my body
I am not made of clay
Can't smooth away scars
Can't resculpt curves
Can't carve a smile on my face.

You can't fix my story
I am not a first draft
Can't erase years of abuse
Can't revise bad decisions
Can't add happily ever after.

You can't fix me
I am not a project
My body is marked by flaws
My story is laced with hurt
But *I am not broken.

It's been so long, but I still remember how it feels
To sit in a stuffy classroom, clicking my heels
Because there's no place like home and I want out of my confinement
To sit endlessly and pretend to care about another mind numbing assignment
With the tap of fingernails vigorously typing out a text
Shifty eyed, watching some amateur get caught and secretly hoping you're not next
The murmur of whispered plans for the weekend
And how desperately your body craves to sleep in
Elaborate excuses planned out to explain why you forgot your essay was due
The lies are getting crazier because the teacher has heard everything that's not new
Lunch is served but the food is cold, unidentifiable, and uncooked
There's no way through the sea of gossiping teens around your locker to get your books  
Your next class is the one teacher with a voice that's a little too monotone
And then the next is the one that always thinks she hears a phone
You worth is measured by a letter
And how many times you promise to do better
It's a system that's designed to break you
But you never let anyone see how much it shakes you
And at the end of the day it's gone by hideously slow
And you dread how you have to repeat it all tomorrow.

The world is a place of unreliability. There is no promise. There are no things to be assured. We can spew words and make them happen; but we can never be certain they will occur until executed. There are people that value themselves more than they value others; although there are people that have the capability to value others over themselves.

We all walk around like we know everything. Like we know God. Like we know death. Like we know love…but we don't know anything. Our feeble minds aren't willing to tell us that. They let us think narcissistic, egocentric and arrogant thoughts; while dismissing the ignorance of it all. All of us aspire highly. Dreaming for success. Hoping one day we can get there.

Then what?
Everyone will forget.
Everyone will be gone, along with the memory of you.