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Kelly Weaver Apr 2016
I wonder what you think about
What beautiful thoughts pass through your mind
As you enter a state of almost serenity
And my palms sweat with every smile
You're beautiful and I'm just dirt
Mud on the bottom of your shoe
A smile that could shed light
In even the darkest of rooms
I think about what you think of at night
What you think of each morn
My stomach drops at your sight
So foolish, my beauty nonexistent
I see a girl not good enough
Nowhere near worthy
Just the shadow you cast
So I keep a comfortable distance
And try to imagine
How the Earth feels every day
When greeted by the sun.
I get butterflies every time our eyes meet
Kelly Weaver Apr 2016
You can't tell me I'll be better
When you've never felt how I do
When you've never held the world in your hands
Only to drop it, watching in slow motion
As it shatters on the ground
And you feel your stomach drop
And you heart stops beating
How do I go on?
How do I pretend I'm okay
When in reality I cry
Just thinking about everything that went wrong
And how do I go on when
Your memory haunts me still
And I cry myself to sleep at night
As your name slips off my tongue
I yearn to cut it off but
Everyone says I'll taste another
What if I don't like my tastebuds anymore?
I can feel my throat swelling shut
But I do not panic
I sit as I let the reaction take over me
And you wonder why I couldn't just move on
Because you didn't realize the pain
I put myself in
In the first place.
My words taste bitter on my tongue
How I wish to cut it off.
Kelly Weaver Apr 2016
When does it stop being
My fault?
When I'm falling behind
Failing tests
Struggling to breathe at night
Staring down a mountain of work
Calling in sick because the whole thing
Drove me to a mental breakdown
When does it stop being
My fault?
When I'm staring out my window
And the sun is shining but
I can't bring myself to smile
And it's hard to bring myself
To get out of bed in the morning
Because my shoulders are too heavy
And my chest is so tight
When does it stop being
My fault?
Drawing flowers on my arm
Because if I don't keep my hand
Busy with a marker
It'll start getting busy
With something much sharper
As I carve your words into me
Hiding every tear and every fear
With a broken smile
It will never stop being
My fault.
Kelly Weaver Apr 2016
I don't understand the concept
Of shaming someone for speaking
About their problems simply because someone else’s could be bigger

Why would one walk up
To a depressed woman with
Cuts on her wrist and say,
“You shouldn't be complaining,
My friend killed herself.”

Why on earth would telling someone
That their burdens aren't justified
Because they aren't heavy enough to
Fit society’s sympathy scale
Bring you any form of joy?

For the love of GOD, I'd never
Walk up to a teenage boy
And say, “You should be ashamed of yourself
There are kids starving in Africa but THEY DON’T CUT THEIR WRISTS.”

People often suffer in silence
Though they're being eaten alive
Because they think their demons
Aren't monstrous enough for sympathy

I can count on two hands
All of the times I've been told
“You should be grateful
That you don't have it worse”

My problems
Shouldn't be justified
Based on how severe I'm
Hurting.

Everyone has a different definition
Of “falling apart”
And if you kept yours to yourself
Maybe I wouldn't be so afraid

Afraid to let people know
That I'm often not okay
But I'm afraid to hear someone
Tell me “it could be worse”

Because if I feel like I constantly
Wish I could sleep for a decade
It doesn't matter if
Someone else seems more distressed

I'm so tired of mental illness
Being a contest of who has it worse
Because it affects everyone
In different ways

I don't care if she may
Have it worse than I
Because I still find it hard
To get out of bed in the morning

And I really wish
Coming clean about your struggles
Didn't turn into a game of
“Who has it worse?”.
Kelly Weaver Apr 2016
Silky kisses
Painted jars
Hits and misses
Dimming stars

Angry yelling
Warming hugs
Story telling
Coffee mugs

Doubtful glares
Cigarette butts
Burned out flares
Paper cuts

Hot air
Lost ties
A worn out affair
A somber goodbye.
Kelly Weaver Apr 2016
Clench me by the throat
And throw me down to hell
Maybe that’s where I belong
‘Cause I ain’t doing well

Your words dig into me like knives
But I’ve got many scars
Beat me ******, beat me bruised
And take me to the stars

Dig your nails into my spine
Then tell me it’s for love
Tell me I’m your entire world
Then crush my mourning dove

Tell me I was your beautiful rose
But I pricked you with a thorn
Tell me I was your shimmering stars
Then leave my petals torn

Chew me up then spit me out
Because we could never fit
But when I find a new shimmering sun
You’ll feel like absolute ****.
Kelly Weaver Apr 2016
I don’t really mind
the rain
The pitter patter calms
Yes, you may
soak thereafter
But clothes can be
dried
The same goes for your eyes
Go ahead
and cry your heart out
I won’t mind.
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