God. I wanted to be honest and talk. I just needed some cheering up, but clearly you fell asleep and I feel like you don’t care enough. And that really hurts. I would stay up to make sure your okay. I would have liked it if you did the same. That way I could’ve said goodbye.

I wanted to be honest about what’s going on because he said I could go to him with anything. But here I am feeling ignored and stupid for trying to be honest. I get it his **** is prolly more important than mine, but I’m hurting and I don’t want to be here anymore.

This has been his only flaw, but I’m kind of regretting even trying to.  To get to know someone is this kind of way makes me feel vulnerable and weak. I have terrible trust issues to start with. I just really needed someone there tonight at least to tell me I wasn’t crazy for what I was feeling. Just some reassurance. Abusive parents are hard, hiding it from others is harder, but hiding it from people you care about and love is heart breaking. You want them to always be happy and telling them something like this will cause them to worry. But you feel like **** for not telling them, you feel like you’re betraying them and lying, going behind their back. I feel like ****.

I feel bad for even thinking about writing this because deep down my heart knows he cares and it breaks him, but my minds tells me he’s brushing it off like it’s nothing.

I’m at war with myself. I’m feeling so many emotions but so empty at the same time.

I wish I wasn’t afraid to share how I feel. Sure I can explain what happened and say if I cried or not. But not that I feel empty or unwanted. I wish.

Leaves me on read and I don’t know what I did. If you ain’t feeling it just let me know. Please don’t play me like this. I’m already hurt enough

I have to tell him at some point, but I do I break it to him that he wasn’t my first that someone took that from me long time ago, that I almost killed my because I thought I was pregnant. I don’t know what to say or how to bring it up. I don’t want to make him sad or worry.