Late at night is when I think
And try to I clear my head
I often stay awake all night
Just laying in my bed

As soon as I get comfy
Thoughts start racing in
I start to question everything
and regret my every sin

At first the thoughts are gentle
Like what will I do tomorrow
But as time crawls by; they escalate
Till I'm drowning in my sorrow

I think of all my failures
Every detail of what I did wrong
After hours of reliving pain
I convince myself I don't belong

I suddenly feel isolated
and like the silence will never end
I feel like I will never escape
There's too much I just can't mend

I feel overpowered and worthless
Like I'll never do anything right
I hide till the world fades away
And I'm awoken by the light

I realize a new day has come
It's time to put on a brave face
I put those negative thoughts away
Until I return to this place

Sometimes I look at you
And think What is love?
When you look at me
I feel as though you understand

You don't open the door for me
My eye twitches
And no one notices
What is love?

I wear the loveliest dress I own
Feeling as confident as can be
A glow of radiance upon my face
You tell me I look like a little child
My throat clenches
What is love?

Spent hours upon hours
On a gift for you
Hoping, praying it was enough
You smile
I get nothing in return
I brush it off
What is love?

I look for you in a crowd
Like the naive, foolish toddler
I have come to be
Caught in the waves
Of a sea of misconception
My heart leaps at your sight
My smile, wide as can be
You say I look at you strangely
My brow furrows
What is love?

I expect you to talk to me first
Because I want to feel loved
To believe I am wanted
I am impatient
How long must I linger?
Where I stand
Wallowing in solitude
I talk to you first
My head aches
What is love?

You tell me to wait for you
And I am tense
You ignore my anxiety
I would never ask such a thing of you
I don't want to be waiting
Waiting for someone
And to not live my life
I promise myself to never be so selfish
To ask something
And limit someone I love
A heat rushes across my cheeks
What is love?

I am tired
Drained of something
That I cannot begin to elucidate
Fatigued of justifying my emotions
My heart worn and feeble
Craving somewhat more
I try to describe to you
You make me feel foolish
Your indignant mind stupefies me
My teeth clench
What is love?

It has taken me far too long
To approach full awareness
To open my eyes
And recognize
I have not a clue
On the topic of love
For this is not love
Not even close
I punch a wall
*What is love?

Sometimes I just wonder

Wonder about everything and anything
Wonder about the past, the present, and the future
The possibilities, chances, wishes, dreams

And sometimes thinking about all this
Makes me petrified
Scared for what is to come
Worrisome of my choices
Indecisive of my path
Hesitant of my actions
Unsure, wavering, uncertain
And at other times
I am excited
Ready for the world
Broadening my horizons
Prepared to spread my wings
And soar
Ability to be
Anyone I want to be
To decide however I want to decide

And then sometimes I just wonder

Wonder about everything and anything
Wonder about the past, the present, and the future
The possibilities, chances, wishes, dreams

And then I stop
I stop wondering and question
I marvel at my conflictions
I embrace the opportunities
Laid out before me

Sometimes I just wonder

If wondering is a waste of my time
If thinking too much
Can cause you to walk in circles
In a never-ending cycle
Within this immeasurable infinity
Of such an inexhaustible vastness
Which we call our world

I wonder again
Maybe this is what makes me human

I don’t believe in goodbyes
I believe in hellos, smiles, and questioning whys
Goodbyes are an end, a final, a limit
Goodbyes are terminus
An eradication
I believe there is no proper end

We are cemented within a cycle
A continuum
A never-ending relationship with the world
A flowing river out of your control
Goodbyes imply permanence
A life that never changes
A dormancy  

But Reality has it
You cannot fully control your goodbyes
A person can reenter your life and leave
Over and over and over
Then maybe goodbyes don’t even exist
People can exist in our memories
A perpetual reminder
A video stuck on replay
A beautiful hazy dream
I don’t believe in goodbyes
I believe in hellos, smiles, and questioning whys

If people continue to touch our lives
Leaving a lasting impact
A reason why
Then maybe goodbyes don’t even really exist
Because there is no such thing as a goodbye
Because there is no end to relationships
Because there is no end to memories
Because there is no end to love
Because there is no end to the feeling you have

We are cemented within a cycle
A continuum
And this is why I don’t believe in goodbyes
I believe in hellos, smiles, and questioning whys

Let’s embrace the idea
Yet see its amusing foolishness
Because maybe goodbyes don’t even exist

My heart now your responsibility
Fate personally chose us two to meet
But do you have the capability?
Two passengers on the ride with front seats
Do you realize my hearts fragility?
You are willing to jump the life to come
With just us, we have the ability
Your words are like a song, a soft low hum
My own heart gently rendered the key
Time slipped the hour, slipping by so fast
Say sooth, dare not you lie, do you love me?
Please oh please, let this summer stay and last
Now I am finally yours and you're mine
Just you and me, I think I’ll be just fine