I'm kind of stuck
At least... I think I am
Somewhere between telling everyone I know to *******
And "just please come hold me friend"

Some place in between an uneasy heart and hectic mind

"I'm depressed"
Can't I just say it without having to explain why?
Sometimes I don't even know which reason to choose

Short replies

"You seem like you don't want to talk"

You're right, but I also want to reach out
I want out
I want to let go of everything
And capture it all in my arms

like a fire fly in the palm of restless hands,
Just let me hold on to your light
Atleast, just for tonight

Because I'm feeling stuck.

And when I look at you.
I see a thought.
The supreme conviction that in spite of ourselves.
We are the light that gives unselfishly to ourselves.
The pieces we constantly give to each other,
Not too much can equate that.
The attraction that starts first as thought.
Given wings.

The angels increase in thought.
A joy that lights upon our face.
Rather than keep quiet.
They have a strange yet fearless way of knowing just when to show up.
This light that spreads ultimate warmth.
Affection.
It becomes intimate.
Sharing this tender notion of fear.
The hopes and dreams kept afloat by each of our smiles.
To touch you in the most intimate of ways.
Even when I am not around

IT HURTS.

IT HURTS SO MUCH I CAN'T HANDLE IT.

WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?

I just wanted you

but I can't make you want me

if you don't want to

You don’t have to try to be yourself, you don’t have to try to be true,
I remember when I couldn’t tell the difference between wanting to be myself and wanting to be part of you
Thinking that us together was so much stronger than us apart
I tried, really tried to be authentic
And there it was, this non-pretentious act I put on and for who exactly
My body played its role, poised, perfect, stoic
My mind was purely confused
There was robotic motion, robotic movements, robotic
The whole situation clashed with my perfectly cultivated values
The whole act started to fall apart, I couldn’t and didn’t try to hide it
I took a long hard look at myself in what I can only call a funhouse mirror
You looked at me too, a twisted version of what used to be there
And you smiled, smiled that crooked smile that hid from me your true thoughts
I didn’t know what to believe and it happened
The crack got bigger and bigger and I snapped
Like one of those huge trees slowly and gently worn by time
I guess I should consider it a blessing that I wasn't struck by lightning
I don’t even want to know how close I came to an earlier demise
But
What was it about you
What was it about me
Why didn’t I realize it’s called falling because you only realize you’re in trouble until you’re staring at the pavement 5 seconds away from splat
And that was the problem with it all
The idea that love was something worth dying for when I wasn’t sure it was something worth fighting for

Addicted to your touch
Long for your embrace
Wish I could tell you how I feel
Your brown skin against mine
Caressing the contours of your face
This feeling inside
Is getting harder to hide
I dread the day that I might accidentally blurt out those three words
Should I hide hide how I feel
Is what im feeling real?
Should I let my love soar?
Or should I close that door?
Im unsure
Don't have a cure
My black beauty
Could you possibly love me?
This is not a fantasy

feels like putting my hand
on something sharp kinda day
invincible temporary, of course
fight the system on a february dawn

where the lamp's lambent spheres
bob in and out of existence
as the sunshine overcomes their presence

first kiss with you, like hands
dancing in the fires
trying to stay warm in the winter light
an ogre of a dream, a curse to be this shadow

compared to the glow of an angel like you