Coping with fear?
Anxiety. Kitten Therapy.
Coping with anger?
Anger management.
Coping with happiness?
Sharing. Fangirling.
Coping with sadness?
Crying.
Coping with being me?
A mess. I can't cope. I'm almost at the breaking point.
How much longer God?
It's been my whole life, I've never been truly happy.
Please help me.

It's just another ****** up  Friday.
I've cried 3 times today. Hard.
I got home and tried to open up to my dad for the first time in years.
Then he got ****** at something I said 4 days ago.
I thought we were over it.
We didn't talk for 2 days.
Then he started talking like everything was okay.

I wish when people asked "Are you okay?"
That they would want a real answer.
But no one in this world cares.
It's cold and dark and cruel.
I'm so over high school.
I'm so done.

I'm just so done with everyone and everything.

I hate life.
Right now, it hurts to breathe.
I tried to **** myself a couple of weeks ago,
Took a couple of pills.
I'm waiting for my dad to go to sleep so I can take more than I did last time.
Last time didn't work, because I'm still here.
And I wish I wasn't.

Merry Christmas.
It'll be a good new year.....because I hopefully won't see it.

I hate you.
When I get on the bus every morning and see you sitting there
I want to punch you in the face.
Sometimes we say hi and sometimes we don't.

I hate how you act around your friends
When I see you in the cafeteria with them
And two of them intercept me on my way to the trash can
I try to ignore them making fun of my make up.
"Why are your eyes black? It looks weird"
"It's eyeliner."
"It looks like you messed up."
"It looks like your mom messed up on you."
Walking away, you don't notice at all.

I know they're freshmen and I shouldn't let it bother me
And it doesn't but the fact that you don't seem to relish the fact that we're dating does bother me.

A lot.

I hate you so much.
You skip out on our dates and anime is always more important than me on the hour long bus ride home.
I hate how you know things about me that no one else does
I hate how I don't even have to tell you, you just figure it out somehow

But I really like you as well
You asked me three times what our relationship status was the day I asked you to prom and it was super cute.
I still get super happy when you text me meaningless things like if you're staying after school or not.
I like holding your hands before your art class.
I like making the teachers wonder about us.
I like making everyone wonder about us.

I like how we can sit and talk about random things.
I like how I can mostly be myself around you
I like how you know things about me that no one else does
And I don't even have to tell you, you just figure it out
I like how we have similar music taste
I like how you make me feel when it's just me and you

But most of all, I like you for being you.
I also hate you for being you.

And I don't know how to fix us.

"Her daughter died
A couple of weeks ago"
She said.

"Oh that's awful"

The words slipped so easily out of his mouth
But I could tell they were meaningless.

Mom and dad,
Why do you try to make me feel like ****?
I thought you were bad before but with grandma here it would be better. Yet you get worse. Your verbal attacks cut at my soul.

Oh how I wish I had my cigarettes and razor blades. At least then I wouldn't feel as alone.

Because my only friends, the only things I can count on to always be there, are cigs and cuts.

You did this to me.
Would it really be so awful?

I remember how whenever I see a family
The siblings are so nice too each other
You can see the love between them

As I slide the blade across my stomach
I wish I had that
I wish someone loved me

It makes me wonder
"Why me?"
"What is wrong with me"
"What the hell did I do to have god make my life so ******??.....if there even is a god.."

I wish I had a reason.

I feel like everyday
I'm always in the way.
I go to my corner and cry.
Why do I even try?
No one loves me,
If they could only see,
I'm broken inside...

I'm that girl that is a Christian.
I'm that girl that wants to feel like she belongs.
I'm that girl that wants to be accepted.
I'm that girl that likes both genders.
I'm that girl that has wished for 5 years, to be normal.
I'm that girl that cuts herself.
I'm that girl that drinks.
I'm that girl that smokes.
I'm that girl that numbs pain in all the wrong ways.
I'm that girl that has been bullied.
I'm that girl that stays up till 2 am every night doing homework.
I'm that girl that pretends to be happy when she's not.
I'm that girl that wears a broken smile all day, everyday.
I'm that girl that has gotten so good at lying, no one notices.
I'm that girl that wants nothing more than to die.
I'm that girl that locks herself in the bathroom to cry.
I'm that girl that was never happy.
I'm that girl that hates her life.
I'm that girl that needs help.
I'm that girl that needs love.
I'm that girl that needs you.
I'm that girl that is so sorry for doing these things.
I'm that girl that had reasons at the time.
I'm that girl that regrets nothing.
I'm that girl that has never forgotten.
I'm that girl.
That girl is me.
We are one.

On my own
It's not the first time I ever felt this lonely
Maybe one day you'll understand why
I'm always comin up with some kinda story

Right now
Somebody else is in control

I don't know about you but
Trust falls don't work
I know in my gut
You're only catching me because you're forced too.

Out in the jungle of high school,
No one can be trusted.
At least in my eyes.
Everyone is two-faced
Or has a huge mouth that loves to gossip.

Every ******* time
I wind up broken
Because I actually thought people could change.

"Hell, I hate this life"
I hope my back didn't break your knife.

You **** so much
I hate you but
I love you at the same time.

Nicotine please don't do this to me.
How do I stop?

I hate the way you linger
On my clothes and my hands
But most of all my breath.

My parents can't find out about you and me
Or they will literally disown me.
I do so much work to hide our relationship
Which only makes me need you more.

I love the way you make me feel.
I love how I can forget when I'm with you
I love how you take me to a different world.

But then it ***** when I return.

I don't want to keep up with it.
This life.
I'm so miserable.
I hope no one else feels this way.
This feeling is absolutely horrible.
I wish someone cared.
But no one does.
No one cares.
Maybe I should reciprocate the feeling.
My friends have already started.

I remember that fight, 2:30 AM
  "Have you been drinkin'
   To take all the pain away
   If you wanna bring me down
   Go ahead and try
   I'm not the milk and cheerios in your spoon
   It's not a simple "here we go" not so soon
   Can't you see that you lie to yourself
   I'm not about to look at your face again
   Why would you push me away
   I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game"
Why do you have to go and make things so complicated
100 and five is the number that comes to my head
when I think of all the years I wanna be with you
I like you the way you are
There's nothing like us
There's nothing like you and me
You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded
You say we'll never make my parents mistakes
I was a flight risk with a fear of falling
Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Tears from eyes worn, cold and sad
Pick me up now, I need you so bad
Thought the chances of meeting someone like you were a million to one
You're the best thing that's ever been mine.