Walls I'd
Carefully erected
Deconstructed in
A few moments of
Brutal honesty and
Embraced doubt
You'll run
You'll reject
Never forgive
Heaven forbid you forget

Those doubts, crushed
When the pressure couldn't
Be handled and
I combusted
Wall deconstructed
Those bricks held in place by
Mortar mixed with my lies
Set carefully by insecurity,
Crumbling in the explosion
Telling me
To just be

But now, not
Too long later,
I'm scrambling
To pick up the pieces
Gathering bricks and ashes
Remixing my mortar of lies
Trying to reconstruct
My walls

I know
That it isn't good, but
It sure as hell feels easier
Stack brick, on brick
Hide away,
All hide and no seek
I know it's no good
But it sure feels easier

I know
Out of ashes can
Come a beautiful new creation
Redeemed and restored
Because
Lighting and sand make
Glass in a storm
Combine enough
Pressure and heat and
You get a diamond

I know beauty comes
From ashes and
I'm a rough cut diamond crafted
By Greater Hands

But I still want to
Scrape up the ashes
Mix my mortar,
Build my wall
Because it may not be good,
But it sure as hell feels easier

Help me believe
Your diamonds are
Better than
My bricks
Don't let me reconstruct
My walls of
Insecurity and
Self-sufficiency
Deconstructing all
You've built in me

I have
To love You more

I am
     the only wall you will ever need

                                                    Stop hiding
                                                   Stop fighting
                             against the wrongs you have committed
                               things you wish could remain hidden

Shame is just a mask
Guilt a hidden dagger
         stabbing you again and again
                   never letting you get better

The beauty of grace
is you don't have to be afraid
Mercy new every morning
I've taken your cloak of shame

                                        You can hide behind me
                                    because grace is an ocean and
                                   I've already stopped the storm

When everyone says,
                               "be perfect"
My outstretched arms say,
                               "I already am"

When you hide behind a wall
a construct of your own two hands
You limit a grace that is greater

           Shut everyone out
                           box yourself in

It's not about what you can do
            
                                         It's about what I've done  

I'm tearing down your walls
because I'm the only one
you need

Grace
for my independent self feeding off lies and trying to live on my own
Grace
to pull me back to the throne

Grace
because I say what I'm doing is divine,
but the reality is
those plans are all mine

For my glory, for my fame,
but instead He gave up His name
Came to earth and
bore a cross for my shame

Grace
because I know I don't deserve it
Yet
I'm still trying to earn it

Living as an orphan
instead of a child
No longer lost, because for me
He was meek and mild

Lamb of God, slain
On Him all wrath was lain
So I could be free,
grace covers my iniquity

Grace
because I say I am strong
But really, it's His grace
that carries me along

Grace
because all that's left to see
is the cross as I cry,
have mercy on me

Grace because it's free,
and the beauty is I can never earn or deserve it
Grace that has set me free
Grace that says I'm redeemed

Hair
Wind rushing through
Thoughts escape
From ends of twisted tendrils
Hair
Lingering in the wind
A thought
A phrase
A word mentioned on a page
Forgotten

You say
There is no fear
Yet
I always feel it here


Draped about me
A cloak suffocating me


Burden on my soul


Heavy weighing down,
My heart, nearly broke


You say  
Perfect love casts out fear
Yet
Always I am afraid


Always permeating
In my soul harsh words
Resonating


"You're not quite right"
"You could always be better"


What if I fall
What if I fail


To be short of the mark
Of this
I am so afraid


He says
I care not for judgments of man
Only
Of God's mighty hand


But the feeling
Can't shake
Eyes always watching
For a mistake


Whisper, "You're not good enough"


There is no fear in love
Yet I'm always afraid
Of
Eyes always watching
And the judgments of man


When will love be enough?

When
floating dust hits
the sun just right it
looks like flecks of diamonds floating
through the air reminding
me we're all
just dust and
beauty comes from
ashes
Floating diamonds