I can hear your back crack,
in the dark.
Removing your underwear
with chewed fingernails:
You softly ask
if we can share scar tissue
and if I'll stay
despite every issue.

You try to kick the covers
off of our bed,
and ask if we can share the thoughts
buzzing inside of your head.

When insomnia erases your eyes
and disease steals your brain:
You inhale ways to die,
because you still dream
but it's not the same.

I can hear the static in your skull.
I know why you keep
the kitchen knives dull.
You pull on my fingers
so I don't forget you.
You cry on the pillows
and hope I like romance too.

I kiss your temple
during each thunderstorm.
I read you books in bed,
because your eyes are worn.
I put my ear to your chest
because I want you to see
that the air you breathe
means everything to me.

I can’t sleep,
I can’t drink,
got to see a man tonight,
shivers and shakes,
imaginary snakes,
walls closing in,
heads in a spin,
body in pain,
always the same,  
I've got a need,
a powerful need.

“Dialing your number
already makes me nervous
Please
Don’t answer my call
Your hello will be the death
of me”
—

Maybe it was just me
over thinking
imagining things that should've
could've happened
if I wasn't such an avoider

Maybe it was just you
not being straight about anything
Like you expect me to read your mind
I wish I could

Then again, it is just me
because I am such a lowly coward
who can't even acknowledge
my own truth

It's me, it's my fault
I let you slide
I let you go
And you did
To my dismay, you did

I'm not exactly regretting it
nor am I sad about how it turned out
I just wish I did more
I wish I was a little braver like you

I wish I told you
I wish you knew
I wish I can tell it now
But it wouldn't change anything
not even your mind

When your smile begins to fade,
Princess please remember me.
You are not alone on this treacherous road.
Down the country side we'll go
Leaving trails of marigolds.

If you ever forget me,
Please don't say its easy.
You are not alone on this treacherous road.
Back and forth we must go,
Living life solo.

Too often now, I see your face,
it's all it's mournful glory.
Denied are you, a sacred place
within the pages of our story.
Alas, fair maid, we are far gone.
The breeze no longer sings for you.
To live is to shine and we have shone
and our stories will begin anew.
I ask you not for empathy,
for that would make my logic flawed.
Your eyes no longer imprison me
nor anyone else behind false facade.
Our paths will one day cross again, I fear.
When my heart beats quicker, I'll know your near.

i haven't been clean in 5 years
5 straight years of "you're pathetic" "you're worthless" "you're ugly" have torn me down and made me dead inside.
they say that self harm is asking for attention.
what they forget is that scars aren't always physical.
they're mental too.

{KAH}