My mind depletes every single day.
A constant weight of inferno tied to my hands.
Sinking to the bottom of my core, forever drowning.
Take one deep breathe.

It will be okay.

You unruly physical beings that choose to entrench me.
That choose to suffocate me and everyone around me.
It wretchedly disgusts me that you have to see this.
To see this on a daily basis.
I'm sorry.
I'll learn from this.

But most of all I'll remember.
I'll always remember...

...and that should haunt you.

everyone i've written about
has left me.
so you must understand
why i will not immortalize you
with my words,
why i won't turn you
into a poem.

maybe this way
you'll stay.

This dirt is my skin,
I breathe sin,
My heart beats in pain.
I see my face,
The true one,
I see the reality.

The devil won its game,
I am soul-less,
Just breathing.
Nothing will change.
Miracles don't
Happen here.

From alcoholic father,
To my mom's
Consistent unhappiness,
When did you walk with me god?

Born as unfortunate
Accident,
Holding my mother's
coursing as my destiny,
I am always a failure.

I only made him up
to be delusional,
For survival,
but you let me
Destroy me.

I still pray every night:
Please don't make me
wake up tomorrow.
Every morning
I realize your indifference.

Miracles don't happen here.

I look happy, don’t I?
there are no cuts on my wrists
all you see
is the smile on my lips
maybe even a spark in my eyes
and all you hear
is me telling everyone i'm fine
maybe even a laugh once in a while

but when will you look deep into my eyes
look beneath the spark and the blue color
see the emptiness and the darkness in me

   when you will realize
the smile is a facade
i'm not happy, it's fake, i'm hiding my tears
   when you will see
the spark is a blur
i'm not happy, i’m on the edge to tears
   when you will hear
the laugh is a scream
i'm not happy, i’m choking on pain

did you check my heart? it’s filled with scars

*(s.m)