I am the world's best liar.
I'm not saying this because I forthrightly lie, no. Not to the people around me.

I lie to myself. I lie because I have to. Because how else am I supposed to get myself out of bed? How else do I live half alive and stuck in my mind?

   I tell myself I'm fine.

            That's the best lie I can think of

i fill myself up with liquor
only to find that i'm still empty.
people fill me up with expectations & every time they fail
they pour a portion of my soul out into the gutter
& i'm still empty.
lovers pursue me with sweet words & fill me up with dreams of a perfect romance & when it ends my heart breaks, spilling out the few drops left of my soul,
making me emptier than before.
i nourish friendships using the substance from my soul
only to watch them dwindle & die leaving my soul substance-less
& i'm still empty.
i write this poem with the hope that maybe, just maybe it can make me feel whole again but
i'm still empty.

— @beeyroyce.

Some days
Getting out of bed is the hardest challenge
The demons living underneath my bed
are now crawling beneath my sheets.
There's no use in trying
Sleeping away the pain is the best way to avoid it

Some days
I can't stay in my own bed
I can't even stay in my own home
The touch and company of a stranger
can fill this emptiness even for a moment
Sleeping away the pain is the best way to avoid it

Some days
Those bottle of pills looks promising
It's crazy that the same hand used to create
can also hold the thing that kills you
And I don't just mean the pills; I mean his hand
Sleeping away the pain is the best way to avoid it

POSSIBLE TRIGGERS: Self harm

I looked down and saw a scar
Of where I used to be.
A long, steady coursing line
Down my arm.
My scar invited me down it’s course,
Down its bright red river.
My curiosity begs me to go back.

I am weak from days of crying,
Nights without sleep,
And no strength on which to lean.
It would be so easy to press back down
And reopen what I closed.
I just have to keep trying,
Have to keep fighting.

I'm slipping
I'm falling

I can't keep it together
My seems are coming undone

My fat hangs off me in rolls
Don't eat
Don't you ******* eat

Look at your body
You are ugly and pathetic
Look at your uneven tan
You have fat *** thighs
Your body is disproportionate

Look at you genitilia
Just look at them
Look how wrong they are
They don't fit you
You are such a failure that your own body can't stand you

Let the self hate build up
Let the dysphoria overwhelm you
Let Ana whispering in your ear be heard
You owe yourself this much

You deserve every last bit

Past sliping
Past falling
You are done