You told me I could text you if I ever felt lonely
Call you in the middle of sun-less hours if I was breaking and needed someone to take away just part of my pain
And stay for just a few moments
In your typography, I could tie down my demons
And disspel my darkness
For just a few moments...

I think you've made a mistake
You see, you'll give me a minute and I'll take your whole night
I can't just have a nibble; I'm gonna take a bite
Of your heart, of your time, of your sanity, of your mind
Because I don't nearly have enough to consider myself living
I'm an outline of someone that used to be, stealing pieces of humans in hopes I might become something
Through small electronics, I'll take control of your eyes, and tear into them with an onslaught of self-loathing and hopes of my demise
And you're so horribly kind, you want to settle my mind
But darling I am the chaos that consumed me
I'm a star about to explode billions of miles away, you can't even hope to touch me
So don't ask if I'm feeling better than wanting to ignite
I wanna lie with "alright"
I wanna ruin your night
I wanna grab your attention and paint my lips with it
Chew you up in my darkness and spit your autonomy out from it
Til you're just a pair of hands telling me I'm not the demon I know that I am
I wanna drag you into my cerebral cell
I am gonna be your midnight hell
You're gonna orbit around my entire world and then I'll throw you out into the empty space of my cellular cosmos
And I'll hope that you dream about me
Maybe that'll make it hurt more
And in the morning you'll wake up to me
Pounding away from the inside of your skull
All because you said I could text you
And I'll always come back because you always will
Come back to the darkness and the vibrations of my voice
Still horribly kind and unable to grasp the terrifying beauty of distant nebulas
I'm the brightest star up there, ripping apart the constellations
So look up, my love, and take me all in
I'll even lend you my telescope
Because if I'm going to explode, you better be watching

Slip through the back door by the cemetery gate
You can always come over but til nighttime you wait
You wipe off the lipstick you wore with your guy
So it's easier to kiss me and wish you would die
I watch you drink up cigarettes at 4:40 a.m.
In a nightshirt too sheer with a yellowing hem
Lay my head on your lap, you'll play with my hair
You tell me you love him but you know I don't care
Cause if I am your secret, I have nothing to say
I'm your world in the dark but I'll ruin your day
Your skin is my rose, my hands - thorns at your side
I'll bite you and mark you in spots you can hide
I just want to destroy you, you've asked if I would
But with a gun to your head, I don't think I could
Whether you're screaming my name or eating me out
I only feel alive when inside of your mouth
When you're bare to the bones you let it slip that you're mine
And I'll only believe you by the scratches on my spine
Cause dear God, how you lie, I can't trust your eyes
You're the only one I need and the one I despise
I hate the word "him," you wish you could choose
But the gambling is fun when you have nothing to lose
You're his bottle of whiskey, I'm your hotel room
Your thoughts are like photos, my bed's the darkroom
Now I can't stand the the light, in the morning it twists
Through your skeletal fingers and crumbling wrists
Your touch becomes foreign like someone I knew
I'm a stranger, we agreed, doesn't exist next to you
And to us, it's too true
You don't know my eye color, I can't spell your name
But when you **** me tonight I'll forget all my shame
After all's said and done, we're still hungry for more
In bodies that don't feel like ours anymore
Your lap is too boney, you hate the color of my hair
I'd whisper I love you but I know you don't care
You know I regret you and you love that I do
Heartache has always been a synonym of you
You live for the torture you cause for your pride
You need others to feel how you're broken inside
You'll forget for a day, I'll forget for a lie
Come back by the graveyard when your willing to die

A long cemetery road separated
the rows of corpses underneath
tombstones from an untouched field
of wildflowers and wanderers

And I
walked on that road
in the middle,
not knowing which side I belonged on

We’re sitting on your bed listening to your new record player
But your voice is the real music to me
Our laughter creates harmonies that I swear would put a Broadway musical to shame
And the sound of your eyes is a ringing in my ears that I never want to go away
You rest your head on my shoulder as you grow tired, and I’m praying that you can’t hear the feelings that I am breathing out so quickly
My heart is beating so hard against my chest, I’m scared it will break through my ribs
And what may look like a blush to you, feels like a volcano to me
All my blood rushing to the crook of my neck your head seems to fit so perfectly in
Can you feel my skin burning?
Can you see straight through it, because I feel translucent
Can you hear the song of my body rising to full volume?
Because of you.
I’m just a hopeless romantic
A slow indie acoustic and you’re a punk rock head banger, unable to hear anything over the sound of your own screaming
But as you scream for love, hands stretched out, looking for someone to wrap their arms around you, I’ll stay sitting next to you, humming my affection
And as your friend, I’ll help you search, even though I know it won’t be my arms to embrace you in the end
But, ****, if only I could get into those headphones of yours
My tears would turn into musical notes between the lines of my notebook paper
And I would sing
I’d breathe the lyrics of “loved” against your fair cheeks
I’d make sure that “cared for” was stained in lipstick on the palms of your reaching hands
So that you always have something to hold onto
So that you always have someone to hold onto
And I don’t even expect you to sing along
I just hope that you’ll listen
Because I just keep thinking
How beautiful you would look dressed in a classical symphony
So I’ll play you on the ivory
I’ll harmonize to your melody
And I’ll be sitting right here next to you, in case you ever need me to sing

I'm standing towards the sun
The light warms my hands, my chest, my face
I imagine it enveloping my body, draping, holding
My palms are open wide
My heart expanding
Reaching
For the sunlight is not shining quick enough
And I yearn to be closer
Warmer
Until the fire in my eyes matches that of the blaze inside
Night is creeping behind, persuading sweet amnesia
But She does not realize that Her darkness has already painted armor around me
Black as the sky I once fell into
And stronger than Her voice
And She will tear as my temples and attempt to whisper into my accepting ears
But Day has graced a golden helmet upon my head
A crown of battles to me fought
And wars to be won
And I will reach for Day's hand, our dream becoming my weapon

I cried in blues the other night
The blue of rising morning light
And I had never felt more beautiful

You compared yourself to a rainstorm
Your favorite kind of weather
Pouring, overflowing on cool Autumn days
Dripping through the trees leaving pearls on the leaves
And lighting up clouds, seeming daytime within the night
In contrast, you called me a song bird
In late Spring or Summer
In clear blue skies I rise gracefully
My voice carrying on the breeze
You were worried your downpour would ruin my wings
But now, in the middle of the rain
I hear the mockingbird chirping away her many songs
Unafraid of the thunder in the distance
In branches, not worried of their sway
But the wind glides through her feathers, the raindrops cleanse her heart
And she sings on
So I will for you

Sometimes I swear my mother is colorblind
The other day she said, “Darling, if you were gay, I think I’d know”
Well Mom, there’s a rainbow inside me but you see straight through it
I’m a prism in your hands but you refuse to hold me in the light
Mom, I’m bi
But she won’t understand that
In fact, she doesn’t understand anything
She doesn’t get ADD, or anxiety, or bisexuality
She can’t comprehend my depression, my aggression, my emotional recession
She complains that I don’t open up enough, but when I explain, she is the one that’s closed
What more can I say
Why does it take a panic attack to realize I’m not okay?
The other day when I told her “Sometimes I wish I didn’t exist”
She looked at me as if she was seeing a new color for the first time and she just couldn’t put a name to it
Can I really blame her for it?
All she has known is black and white and I’m showing her a light she’s never seen in her life
She sees a band-aid in her hand while I see a knife
I want to say everything that’s on my mind, but Mother, I’m afraid that you’ll lecture instead of advise
Instead of comfort
So I keep adding to these lies
And apologize
The other day you asked while I was crying, “Are you suicidal?”
And it broke through my heart like a wrecking ball through a brick building:
Loud in my ears, heavy in my chest, and smoky in my lungs
Because for the first time you felt the heat of my fire that you should have felt years ago
You only see a dull hue, but that’s a start for you
You’re finally seeing me, but you’re not going very deep
There’s so much within this glass skin of mine
I’m trying to shine but you cloak me in darkness in an effort to keep me warm
But I’m lightning in a bottle and I can’t control this storm
Soon I’m going to explode and you won’t know what hit you
The other day I wasn’t okay
And I’m still not today
I’m fighting my way through every minute, every second
So while I look like I’m getting better, I’m slowly deteriorating from the inside out
I just want to love who I love without being judged
Be who I am and know you’ll understand
I’m so tired of trying to conceal my lightning out of fear that I might strike you
But maybe my electricity is just what you need to wake up
Every day, I set my alarm clock for 7, 7:05, 7:10, because I just can’t seem to get out of bed
Sleeping is the only way to calm the voices in my head
But my antidote is her poison
You only see it as healing if you’re the one that heals me
You’re holding out that band-aid but I’m running from a knife
When I was little, I wrote left handed
But you made me switch to my right
Well Mom, did you know that lefties are more likely to be artistic, have insomnia, be disabled mentally, have ADD, and be bisexual…