Sometimes the flashbacks
Can be picture perfect like a gallery
Every once in a while
I struggle with what life's like actually
As the memories resonate
Depression eventually catches me
It always baffled me
and still rattles me
Why did my best friend
have to be a casualty

I'm setting my GPS
as I pull down the street
For Arlington Cemetery
in Washington D.C.
Whenever I feel the need
I just sit there with him
No reason to speak
I let the ground beneath me
relieve some of the grief
Then just before I leave
I about face and say
You'll always be with me
Semper Fi my brother
Rest in peace Marine

How can a non-believer
suddenly believe in the power?
Be the man behind a trigger
covered in carbon powder

How can a non-believer
suddenly believe in ghosts?
Be the man behind the rifle
as any threat approached

How can a non-believer
suddenly believe there's hope?
When those we hold close
Tie a rope around their throat
to meet a suicide quota

How can a non-believer
suddenly believe in himself?
Be the bigger and better man
unafraid to ask for help

I know it has been a while
But in that time
I've been trying
To devise this plan
To ultimately become better
At who I am as man
Before seeking forgiveness
Maybe a second chance

Many daily debates
On how long to wait
What could possibly be
The perfect time to come through
Use a strategically made move
To swoosh and swoop you
Right off your Nike shoes

Do whatever it is I had to
To get back with you
Wheels were set in motion
Back in early June
Following Blues Clues
Your family had left
In order to find you

My insides diminished
Turning to shhh the minute
I saw you with a dude
That basically unfastened
My last and loosest *****
Tail between my legs, I fled
Hoping it would be you
That would reach out instead

When the old me died
I never cried
If you're wondering why
Because I was the guy
That murdered him
Before anyone on Earth
had heard of him
Knocked his head clean off
Yes sir, I turtled him
While waiting on vultures
and buzzards to start circling
I updated my app
To run the latest version
It's working and to be honest
It was totally worth it

I'll start the row
To let the Ducks fall in
Figure out somehow
To initiate talking
No nuts, no glory
So I bought almonds
Adoption paperwork
For elephants and dolphins

I'd like to spend
Every last breath
That I have left
Making you smile
Or massaging your legs
Love is never lost
It's like socks in the bed
You think for a minute
"Where the hell is it"
Then it pops in your head

I have always imagined
You and I crossing paths
In a nonchalant fashion
To reestablish attraction
Then bank on the magic
To just naturally
Happen in passing
As of right now
It unfortunately hasn't
So while I stand by
I'll be incredibly anxious

A mysterious reappearance on Facebook
has had me recently racing
In a jealous craze, Investigating
My replacement aka
This clown you're dating
I'll man up and admit it
You may have upgraded
Really hate to say it
but he seems amazing
Miserably considering goodbyes
blowing kisses and waving
We've lost our gravitation
You took off on a spaceship
I was too patient and complacent
Questioning every second I waited
Now it's inevitable
The effects left from depression
Can only be fixed with a facelift

I know day by day
another memory fades
However, some of them won't fade
It would definitely take
more than reincarnation to break
They're too great
I've dedicated times of the day
for heart racing meditation
So they'll glimmer on replay

Now that my mind's straight
I still can't contemplate
the words to say
Even if said in a perfect way
may not deserve a place
back in contention
to earn your grace

I already know, it's no joke
to let boat loads of hope float
without anyone knowing
so no emotions expose
It's hard to throw in a towel
when I'm holding a rope
Flicking through old pictures
on a brand new phone
Just to regain that feeling
The feeling of home

In no way am I trying
to intrude, jeopardize,
or interrupt your life
Before farewell my friend
or a final goodbye
I need you to know
there will be a guy
Waiting on stand-by
Dying to knight, shine,
and finally make things right

If you ever need me
No matter the reason
I will run full speed
and be there immediately
the next guy better appreciate
Every breath you breathe
You should mean to him
Everything and more
than you mean to me

The two of you
should always stay true
Leave nothing to prove
Celebrate while winning
because it ***** when you lose
It's like smelling shhh
and the last place you look
is under your shoes
Just keep a tight grip
and let nothing elude

With that I'll say
Goodbye for now

It's hard to let it go
Don't hold in emotions
They will soon take control
Setting off explosions
The truth is, I didn't know it
until I saw Frozen
Now they won't stop flowing
like rivers toward oceans

The very thought
of knowing you're okay
and someone is telling you
you're beautiful everyday
Legitimately puts me
in a happier place
Everybody has that ONE
they let get away

Thinking about our dog
happy and loving his love
Is the only other thing
flooding my tunnel with light
Please don't think
I won't forever be
emotionally connected
We built a family

With that I'll say
Goodbye for now

Incredible butterflies
Not the good ones,
more like the other kind
Hennessy and THC
just increases speed
in my running mind
An overwhelming need
to bring it under a light
I remember the good times
and some of dumbest,
hands down funniest fights

It took a while to see
that it was mostly me
Holding grudges
like Christians gripping rosaries
I didn't know that I needed
a bunch of of therapy
to chase out demons
Before throwing away
everything closest to me

We had to move on
but for only a minute
Lately I'm thinking
it's been way too long
The thing is, I still picture
your image when listening
to rhythm and blues songs

Sometimes I need to write
to keep my mind at ease
If I don't, my hands get shaky
like the last leaf on the tree
Marksmanship is not necessary
when shooting the breeze
Daydreaming until reality
is just an illusion to me

Sometimes I need to write
to keep me level and grounded
If I don't, I start hearing voices
Then my head gets crowded
I follow the lead
whoever is the loudest
United States of Jeff
Population is countless

Sometimes I need to write
to mind my own business
If I don't, my body starts twitching
Swinging on anyone
within one arms distance
Please pray every day
we never cross those bridges
For those that won't listen
a fair warning was written

It's crazy how time flies
Now I'm beginning to realize
I may have run out of time
While I was trying to find
My own path in life
Hit the gym, got a job,
And started acting right
New, improved, and much better
Than you'd ever expect.
I thought I found a recipe
That would earn your respect

So I read and I read,
Small books and articles.
"How to Win Back your Ex"
I followed the guidelines
Pretty much step for step
And I would bet
From both our perspectives
They were all checked

• Don't respond to her texts
• You can't be friends.
• Have to cut all threads
• Let her rebound and Do Not
  -acknowledge the threat
• Get right in the head,
  -start rediscovering Jeff
• Let her see you fresh out the gym
  -all covered in sweat
• Live on a prayer it goes noticed
  -and now she's impressed
• Planting a tiny, uncertain speck
  -of doubt in her head
• Then when you're 100% ready
  -go ahead, get on the ledge

I know it sounds stupid
But I polished my shoes
Bought some cuff links
To throw on my suit.
Hoping you'd see me
And choke on your food.
Just so I can be the guy
That knows what to do
Runs up and saves you
Then secretly delivers
The poem he wrote you

In my estimations
It took three months
For you to realize
Without me, life *****
So we can rekindle the flame
Begin to work on us

It's unfortunate,
but it took so much longer
than I had expected
to get my life order
Organized and sorted
So the mission is simple
I can't afford to abort it

Camoflagued and watching
From a fairy tale forest
Plotting my options
Before raiding the fortress
I'm thinking 60/40
It could end like those stories

It all started
The day I departed
Toward our Winchester apartment
The farthest we had been apart
Since we started talking
I painfully remember
You & tip (our dog) were hit by a car
Nobody was injured
Only I fell apart

Inside I lost it
and felt nauseous
Thinking the most horrible
and awful thoughts
What if it all went wrong
and the sad story of my life
had just continued on
This insane belief
that those I held close
would soon be gone

My selfishness prevented
seeing how it effects you
I will never get over the fact
I wasn't there to protect you

Reliving the seconds
I was breathless
Feeling so helpless
Instead of confessing
Post traumatic stress
rapidly manifested
to manic depressive
and verbal aggression
Directed at my best friend

It's like the Marine in me
Will wear anything
but a heart on his sleeve
I'm still greiving
I can't believe it was me
that decided to leave
Even despite
Nivea's "25 reasons"