I should've guessed, I should've known.
If there's a lightning, thunder will come.

That I was a guest, this wasn't my home,
but I was just too afraid to be alone.

Winds might change after tomorrow
and the sea my pain could somehow swallow.

But today there's this mountain of sorrow,
that blocks the sun, and makes me feel hollow.

There's
a hint of desperation
in my bullet eyes
shooting left to right to the back of my head

my heart's a demolition derby
and my ribs are sore
from its exaggerated beating
and there's a faint
splintering in its cage
But if no one's around to hear it,
Are my bones really shattering?

my pulse is on vibrate
this blood that rushes through my veins is *****;
it's metallic, it's acidic.

My lungs are an alchemist's nightmare.

My breath has left me with
the finality of the last nail being hammered down
on this coffin that's formed around my mind.

I collapse, a deteriorated, detrimental mess.
I am broken and mangled, a victim of paranoia and self-consciousness
I brought this upon myself,
and I yield to the hurt that surrounds my soul.

Within my body is a bird's perch
and you've gone and fluttered your way into my heart,
making your nest of love and memories.
Your song's sweet notes float their way into my soul
and make me hum a song of longing.
You've made a home in my heart, dear,
and I've grown so accustomed to you
that you've become a part of me now.
My ribs exist to protect you, not my fragile heart.
My veins carry your melody like oxygen,
my lungs and heart have moved
to integrate you into the synergy of my chest.
The effects of your presence are permanent,
there is no undoing your being.

There is no going back.
My love has gone out to you,
irretrievably, irreplaceably, unconditionally.
And even now, my body is already sore,
anticipating and dreading the day you fly away.
It aches in fear of you wrenching your home from my ribs,
shattering the protection I've maintained for you.
The shards of my bones and the splinters of your nest
will forever remain embedded within
my flesh and my mind for all of eternity.
You may decide one day that you want to return home,
and I will split open these bones of mine once again,
just to welcome you back.

But you might not want to come back, however.
And in that case just know that you live on;
in my mind forever loved and remembered.
This pierced heart will always beat to your rhythm,
your song will always flow through my veins.
My flesh will always remember the touch of yours.
Know that within your own ability to fly, you gave me wings.
As you've grown over time, I've grown as well.
Just know that I will always hum your song
to comfort and heal myself, even as you flutter away
and I clutch at my chest and my sheets
while a note of hope rises in my throat.

"I have this breath and I hold it tight,

to keep it in my chest with all my might,

I pray to god

this breath will last,

even as it pushes

past my lips

as I...

gasp."