lover calls, lover waits
my lover is without a name
she's tuesday nights, she's southern rain
she's everything my mind won't say
her laugh is loud, her soul is dark
still screeching from a broken heart
and day old jokes, and weekend loves
from just always being bad enough

she'll ask me one more time
just for the sake of love
whether my heart is still open
or if i've had enough
and if i had to guess,
if she asks tonight, i'll say
"i love you cause you know my name"
-aprilxcv

I am a thousand head-collisions of two
tractor trailers and you are the EMTs’
who come and save the motorists I put
in peril. I am that one-too-many shot of
***** that causes someone to crawl
to the bathroom on hands and knees
and you are the friend who holds their
hair back while they dispose of what
made them sick; me. I am the cancer
invading a loved one’s bones and you
are the chemotherapy that brings them
to a full recovery.
You are the beautiful arrangement of rays
that the sun glimmers down on peoples'
faces during the summer time, I am the
numbing frostbite from the coldest and
loneliest night of winter. You're all of the good
qualities made up in a person, and I am all of the flaws.

i cut a hole in my pocket -
my mother told me
"that’s how
you lose things”
maybe i should have
cut a hole in my head
but if i tried to lose you
i’d lose my mind instead

i.

summer stained your arms
with the rays of sunshine
that spill through to you
and you wear it proudly
wear the crown of thorns
placed on your head
by someone who’s long gone


ii.

last night i was singing
about seeing you again
and i don’t think i will
maybe i’ll go to the peak
of the highest mountain
and i’ll count everyone i can
and come down when it’s enough
that you might have been one of them


iii.

i’ll leak drizzle onto my palms
i’ll stay still till i rust
and then turn into dust
and people plant flowers
where my mind used to be
and the wolves and girls
will cry, cry for me
until the babies i had
finally learn to speak

It was the year you realized
your parents weren't perfect.
I memorized the sound of planes taking off,
telling me that
I cannot leave yet,
but I cannot love here.
This is not the place for it.
You and I are still alive.

Half of August's heat
still sears my skin
safe under my coat
and nothing else let in.
I crush cherries in my hands,
wanting nothing else to leave,
nothing else to change, still as the winter freeze.

Each face I looked into had its own headstone
I could tell they were dead and yet not free,
souls trapped on the face of the earth
and their bodies lying empty.
I did not want to greet them,
to know their names or where they come from,
and slowly they drift away
and I am alone again.

Dust no longer gathers on my lips,
I have used them more often
since you left.
And my hands are now busy
calloused, not hidden
behind my back.
My eyes see all,
I never close them,
never let my gaze fall.
My ears hear lies,
I do not trust them
( - with my mind)
And my feet move
everywhere I go,
they take me where
you would not.
Yes, when you left
you took my heart.
That is just one part of me.
I have a lot.

I fell in drops, the rain
dew on spiderwebs
string across the bridge, again
fighting for our breath.

Gather peaches in baskets,
our brains left in beds
Your eyes focused; mine distracted,
sunken into my head.

Plastic grocery bags, sidewalk
I go calling out your name
An echo back to me, wet chalk
I put my hands & mind away.

Could you be under cover
like me, are you masked?
A sorcerer? I wonder
But I'm afraid to ask.

Grass clings to my feet
and mud in my smile
The dawn and night meet;
horizon mile.

Midnight I catch your gaze,
standing at the gates
Worthy of praise,
my new & tragic fate.