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Jack Jenkins Dec 2018
The loneliness gets to me
& when I get lost I know how not to be found

The love gets to me
& when I give freely I know I'll stand alone

The pain gets to me
& ... I no longer know how to hold it back anymore
//On love and her//
Jack Jenkins Dec 2018
Quiet breathing overshadowed by a pounding heart
leaves my ears deafened and I slowly fall apart

Weakened with extra haste to die and find peace
clay ankles weren't meant to hold a heart of stone

A heart selfless at one time but given too freely
to the wolves that desire only the flesh

Now I sit with loneliness and reminisce
about the lovers that were eventually a lie

Now I sit with loneliness and confess
there is no more heart for me to give
//On anxiety//
Jack Jenkins Nov 2018
I used to think I saw life through a cracked lens
Until I saw life looking back with a cracked grin
A wicked smirk
Telling me "If you think you can conquer me,
I have set a curse for every breath you breathe.
I have poisoned every good thing."

So let me ask you this one thing:
If everyone's been through this pain
Why does it seem like nobody can relate?
Everyone says this hurt will heal
Glazed over eyes and halfhearted sympathies don't fly

Lovers are lies with improvised whys
of why they leave you left with a hatred of love
Hate is safer than love these days
It doesn't leave you lost in a maze
Just strays you in a haze of cliches

So tell me what's the point of living when death is our final destination?
Why is it a crime to want to leave the inevitable prematurely?
Why are tears shed for the ones who don't have to endure this "gift" called
Life?
//On life//
Broken heart, nihilism, depression, all mixed in with faith and love made this poem possible.
Jack Jenkins Nov 2018
---
You are the echoes haunting through my halls
You are the lost treasure of my heart
You are deeply missed
---
I scream that I'm sorry
I know it won't cross the ocean
I resign myself to this hell I've chosen
---
//On her//
No regrets, I don't want to change the past. I just dream of a future I can't have.
I miss her.
Jack Jenkins Nov 2018
We met
We grew
We loved
We stalled
We fell apart
We're alone

At least I am
I hope you're not
I hope you're happy
Because I missed you happy
I hope you're in love
Real love for a change
I hope you're not stuck
Because you deserve the best

Hungover was the only way
To wake up this morning
Because **** I miss you
Everyday
And I wonder if I cross your mind
I think I do
But are they happy memories
Or just a mistake you don't want to think about?

So for the millionth time
I'm sorry
I know the wind won't carry it across an ocean
But I'm sorry
Pour one out for us
The memory of what we were
Tomorrow I'll be okay
But today you're on my mind
//On her//
  Nov 2018 Jack Jenkins
Alice Lovey
I know we've never been "together."
I know you said to move on.
I tried to be fine with wading this weather,
But the love in my heart still tells me it's wrong.

Now, I'm not saying I'm resentful,
But you did treat me like I was special.
Lately has been so uneventful.
And I'm starting to think this isn't a game...

I get a little jealous when you look at other girls.
I know we're not together, but... You are my whole world.
I get a little jealous when you talk about them too.
It's because we're not together, but...
You told me that you liked me... You told me that you do.

Now, I'm not trying to be weird, but call me, I'd give you my time.
Actually, I'd give you everything, cuz I just want you to be mine.
When I got too lonely, I'd just stare at your photos--
Soundless replacements for you, who knows.

You said I'm obsessive—come on now, don't play.
You like it when I'm open, you preferred me this way.
You said we'd be great together, don't think I forgot.
I cherish every sweet thing you said, so my heart doesn't rot.

Now I've deleted all of your things, cuz I can't bear to see your face.
My prized possessions... I should've given you space.
Why wouldn't you make me yours, like you wanted to?
Now we're apart, now we'll both just be blue.
And now I regret this—now I really do.
True, I'm a little weird, but we're both crazy.
I know what you're afraid of; I know it isn't me.
Jack Jenkins Nov 2018
I woke up heavy
a thousand blank pages on my mind
a million words buried in stunted overgrowth

I woke up heavy
with all the voices in my ear
driving daggers through my heart

My eyelids were steel traps
and between dream and reality
my nightmares were in the shadows

I woke up heavy
My lungs filled with smoke
My stomach was full of red fire

I woke up heavy
and for another day
I wish I hadn't
//On anxiety//
Nothing can go wrong and yet you wake up depressed one day.
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