I woke up heavy
a thousand blank pages on my mind
a million words buried in stunted overgrowth

I woke up heavy
with all the voices in my ear
driving daggers through my heart

My eyelids were steel traps
and between dream and reality
my nightmares were in the shadows

I woke up heavy
My lungs filled with smoke
My stomach was full of red fire

I woke up heavy
and for another day
I wish I hadn't

I'm tired of telling the millionth person
the same story of how love died
& they pull out a pad and pen
trying to fill in the blank,
cracking the secret formula,
of why it happened:

"You two weren't compatible"

"You need to love yourself more"

"She wasn't the right one for you"

"You weren't the right one for her"

"It was just young love"

"These things just happen"

Everyone has their own perspective on it
& nobody really
listens.

Because I don't need to know why;
if I did I would be stuck in the past,
and trying to fix it.
I'm not.

I just need to know how to keep living
when every time my heart beats
it hurts because the one who I gave it to
is missing from my life

How do I not lose my breath when I think of her?
How do I quit having dreams about her?
How can I move on from losing my best friend because I lost control of my mental health and shut her out?
How does neglect become undone when you are removed from their life?

She was 7 years of happiness in my life; not a long time to many, but remember I am only 23 years old.
I grew into a man with her stitched to my heart.

So please don't try and tell me why it fell apart.
Please just tell her I love her if you see her.

You stood by me through the hardest times
You gave me everything, you were my solid ground
You picked me up when I was down
And you were there when there was no one else around

No, I'm not turning my back on you
There's something I've got to do
I'm torn between these two worlds
And I don't ever want to have to choose

Hi, goodbye again
It's time for me to go
I'll miss you, I promise to try
Not to be gone for long

Been chasing time, to make it last
And now another year has gone so fast
Gone back and forth for way too long
And I know I need to decide where I belong

Everywhere I go I think of you
And how I've broken your heart in two
Please don't give up on me just yet
I know we'll find a way to make it through

Hi, goodbye again
It's time for me to go
I'll miss you, I promise to try
Not to be gone for long

I've been trying to explain to you
That it's not your fault
I still feel so close to you
Despite the distance

Hi, goodbye again
It's time for me to go
I'll miss you, I promise to try
Not to be gone for long

heavy is the tide
that swallows lungs and organs
depression inside