You said, "I love you still"
And the words are like boulders on my back,
Crushing me, like how I drowned our love
Because we were just momentary.

Waltzing with my hand intertwined with death
Has never been a greater fate,
You'll keep pulling that knife out of my chest,
But you'll always be too late.

On misty moons, I wander free,
Escaping life's cacophony,
The world's too loud—a fading sound,
As nature's peace enfolds me round.

All alone, my spirit grows strong,
Visions of a hidden world beyond;
Shadows of the past still linger near,
And now, my soul will find me here.

For in this land, I'm never alone,
Nature's heartbeat echoes my own.
Let me dwell here, where wisdom flows,
With a world of wonder that grows and grows.

I've never felt second best,
Being a twin, you get asked a lot of questions:
"Who's older?"
"Who's smarter?"
"Who's the favorite?"
But you never gave into them:
"They were born at the same time"
"They both have straight A's"
"I love them both so much"
What's changed?

I've learned that I'm younger,
Only by a second—a moment,
My birth certificate bears a different time,
Yet we still tell people we're the same age
Because the difference doesn't define us.

Now I'm starting to fail my classes,
Not a single A to my name anymore.
You must think of her as the smarter one,
While I'm the one who can't be bothered:
No homework, no studying, no perfect SAT score.
Have things changed because you've finally chosen a favorite?
And of course, it's her.

I've grown to hate myself,
So it's not surprising you do too.
You see yourself in me and loathe it,
Support no longer feels like support
Because you can't imagine I'd be anything like you:
Of course I'm not sad,
Or anxious enough to pass out,
Of course I'm faking when I'm throwing up
So you'll send me to school.

But when she wants to stay home,
You shower her with love,
Buy her favorite foods,
While you'd take mine away to keep me thin.

When I want to disappear,
I'm still second best.
You'll cry, but still yell,
Making me feel guilty for wanting you to care.

I'll keep my head down—float with the majority,
And try to live with being second priority.
But know that I am more than your reflection;
More than a twin, more than second best.
I am my own person, worthy of love,
Even if you can't see it yet.

since i was twelve
i've always hated this body,
looked in the mirror every morning
and saw it glaring back at me,
because it hates me just as much as i hate it,
i didn't know insecurities could mean this much.

they give me all the pills
to try to make me not be afraid of me
but i know they can't ever fix me
so i push them all away
so i don't drown myself in medicine
just to die again.

i've seen therapists
but they don't seem to care
when I tell them my feelings
because they'd rather send me into an asylum
for my cynical thoughts.

I'll take another punch,
another cut, another hit, another fake fix
so I can pretend like I am happy
while i'm dying on the inside,
because escapes are better than healing
what might be beyond repair.

I don't want to be this way forever,
and I'll keep lying to myself
saying i'm getting better
when i'm falling deeper into darkness,
but it seems that I stop myself
before I get better,
because I hate me
and i'm scared to be happy.

Her hands were soft and delicate, a carnivore's feast.
The burning ember captivated her gaze, too numb to notice.
Kyoto is a fragile porcelain bowl, cradling centuries of memories.
“Please, let’s go to Kyoto.”
Her eyes meet mine, too lost to be here.
“That’s not my name?”

I used to wake up and just watch you breathe,
I'd see your face and smile; we were in love.
It hurt me in a way that I would seethe
Every time I saw you and I've become
A monster who covers all of their scars,
A beast who twists your words so that they hurt,
A freak who thinks we're written in the stars,
When you say I'm beautiful, I avert

Because I'm scared of what I do not know,
Don't know if I can be happy at all,
But maybe life will live and let me grow,
But I'm scared that I'll only ever fall.
So when you leave I'll rip myself to shreds,
But things beyond repair may yet still mend.