Oh. I am in pain.  


Well would ya look at that.  

Still walkin an ****.  

Thats me.  

Walking and breathing and living.  

Im stubborn like that.

as i stand on this street corner and watch these two roads meet, i finally feel at peace
maybe it’s because it’s my feet at the intersection of two distinct paths,
merging at a point of vulnerability
maybe because it’s a reminder of you and me
and a blissful bond we once shared.
without a care in the world,
your arms wrapped around me to shelter me from the cold.
two souls kept warm by each other’s company.
two hearts dancing in the rain playfully, two minds with the same thing in mind; you want me to be yours and i want you to be mine.
i don’t know, maybe i’m crazy.
maybe time has finally outplayed me maybe i’ve stopped seeing beauty in the little things, maybe i’ve stopped appreciating the gift life brings.
maybe i’m in over my head, or
maybe i miss the familiar contours of your body between the chalk white sheets of my bed.
i don’t know,
maybe this is normal.
maybe i stopped being myself after you left, maybe this is all a test.
maybe i failed and i
couldn’t clean up the mess
maybe thats why the rain suddenly feels colder on my skin.
maybe thats why whenever i try to apologize i don’t know where to begin or
where to end all these that I’ve typed in my mind to tell you i just
can’t hit send
maybe i ****** up and i won’t admit it maybe I’m a coward.
seems like I’ve got all the time in the world, maybe i should do something about it i mean
every minute without you feels like an hour
maybe I’m a fool for distancing myself from you
maybe that why i couldn’t end with that i loved you because for some reason
i couldn’t accept that
maybe
just maybe you might of loved me too

Its those moments


                          when we try our hardest


                                               not to fall  

that we begin to


                          C R U M B L E



B.oF

I'd pretended for so long,
that I'd forgotten it was real.
So when things started to go wrong,
I didn't know what to feel.
I slowly slipped away from you.
then blamed you when you left.
I lost myself in feeling blue
and forgot about your theft.
I was so sure I had forever,
that I'd forgotten about right now.
Now I know I wasn't clever,
because I let you forget how;
You were my muse,
and I loved you so.
Now I write like this as if it's news,
but I messed up long ago.
I finally understand
but took me far too long.
The time's no longer at hand,
and I was far too wrong.

thank You for loving me
thank You for never turning away when i did
thank You for never giving up when i walked away from You
and convinced myself that it’s alright, that i’m alright,
even when i woke up with a heavy feeling in my chest
and everyday was a struggle just trying to breathe without You

thank You for Your faithfulness
thank You for Your grace
thank You for Your presence surrounding me
even when i did nothing but spit on Your face
and curse Your Name behind closed doors where i thought nobody could see,
but come Sunday and i put on my best dress
and pretended to worship.

thank You for Your patience;
You patiently searched for me in ***** alleyways where You didn’t belong
where the enemy stripped me of my clothes and dressed me in shame
chained my feet
and told me lies after lies after lies
and how i believed him.

i sold my soul to sin and i thought i was shackled for life
but You came to me
and bought me with the blood of Christ
the price for my life was the death of Your Son,
and You said, “so be it, I will send Him.”

i can never thank You enough.

i will never fathom the depth of Your love,
how You sent Your Beloved to die
for someone so undeserving,
for a people like us.

thank You for Your love,
thank You,
thank You,
thank You.

my life is a gift for You alone, Savior King.

oh i can see it now, i can see the love in Your eyes
i can see it. i can see it.

thank You.

thank You.

thank You.

Hello Sun
you've come back around
after this harsh winter
to shine on down

Hello birds
you've come back from the south
from all the ducks and geese
to the common grouse

Hello trees
you're so bright and green
and.because of your pollen
you set off my allergies

Hello spring
you charming wily sod
you haven't changed that much
How long have you been gone?

a brief moment of clarity
a moment of grace is all it takes  
to truly surrender

the hard part is to keep surrendering
a day at a time, but not as hard as
living in the hell of my disease

grateful to be free just for today
and to be trudging
on this "road of happy destiny"