I had a dream about you.

Dancing we were, in front of numerous strangers under bulbs of flaming light that lingered just long enough to see each others face.

My dress was a deep indigo, effortlessly matching your b&w; tux.

The melody of the song allowed us to dance as if we were professing our love for each other through ever step, every glance.

And through out the dance, I hadn't fully studied the crevices of your face until I finally looked closely, for that was when I realized I wasn't dancing with you at all.

I was dancing with him,
and I quite enjoyed the rhythm we swayed to much better than I thought I would.

-Julia Aubrey Rhodes-

I feel sick then I feel well. I am cold then I am hot. It is not an infection, I am not sure what I have got. I think perhaps that I get it when you enter the room. My pulse quickens and I feel light headed. Am I having a heart attack, I cannot be sure. I know when you speak my name that I want to fall to the floor. Love seems to be something that has taken hold of me. How can one emotion have so many different symptoms, can anyone please explain it to me.

I arrange these messes of letters;
Trying to express feelings and thoughts.
Twenty six letters do not suffice
To describe some states of mind.
No metaphors, or similies, could portray
The hyperbole, of self induced dismay.

the world may not have given me the chance
to love you as you walk by my side,
but the world did give me the privilege
to love you so deeply.

maybe that's why we can't be together.
because the world knows that when my eyes,
that have always been searching for yours,
meets your gaze,
my world would be different.
for my world would become you.

How do I say its not going to work out? How do I just randomly break his heart when I honestly care so much about him?

"He's my LORD" I will tell him,"You know our earthly love cannot compare."

I feel he is allowed me to stray from you oh LORD, for he tempts me so much.

But what do I do? Do i just come out and say it? Do I let the throat cutting words that slip from my lips  be as simple as,"Excuse me, do you know the time?"

And the worst part of it is the selfless soul dwelling with in me. I have given too much, and so much so that my own skin is growing thinner and thinner. My insides slowly disappear every time I offer you something.

I am dying.

I have been giving ever piece of myself to you completely, and I can't take it. And the thing is, my body is already so weak that it makes it so much harder for the words I need to tell you to even reach my lips.

You are the collector of my insides, trapper, hunter, and experimenter.

Your check list is almost filled up along with the shelves stacked high with jars of me. Pretty soon, my soul will be wrapped around your finger, and I am certain that will be the ultimate death of me.

"Oh LORD, please hear my thoughts. Save my soul from this false love and take me home again where I can be consumed in your grace."

If at all that is possible.

-Julia Aubrey Rhodes-

it hurts
and I cannot describe it
no scars to see
but too many scars inside
my words
and all my thoughts
do not make sense

I want it to stop
but cannot imagine to live without

and everything reminds me of you
not just your smile
not just your stories
not your body
not just your voice
not your hands

I mean, You
Just You
Nothing and no one else

You hold my hand still,
But it is always loose
And you talk to me often,
But I know I'm not the only one.

And all those poems I sent you,
That you never bothered to read

She is just a friend,
Still her words you have kept framed.

And I don't know why I still stay.

'Cause  know I'm not the only one,
And this sadness has its hands gripping my throat,
The words you say, though, are still coherent,
But there is a void of emotions behind them

And I tell myself,
You can not recreate a moment of past
Why is that time reduces every thing beautiful to ruins

And maybe that is why I stay,
For in all this decay, I still have not forgotten
The Smell of spring.

And the words I write, no longer fits the man you have become,
So you can hold on to her words,
While I hold on the lyrics, of the music long stopped,

Hoping one day it will find its way back to me.


Till then, I shall let my friends Wonder
Why do I still stay