There’s no eloquent way
To say
******* or
what the ****.
the immediacy,
the poignancy,
speaks volumes
where fancy words
Cannot.
So here’s a big,
Fat *******
Sealed with
Contempt, sprinkled
With salt, because
Your sugar sweet
Was ******* fake
And that’s the icing
On your cake.

I push and I pull,
I tug and I tear,
Churning and creating
Waves that ripple out
In violent force
But drown me also

These ******* are not mine
They swell and sag.
And the thighs
They, too, weigh heavy
Spreading out across my sheets
Twice as wide as they seem
Pale and pallid -
Loose jiggles run amok.
These arms are not mine
Shapeless chunks with no chisel
Thick and stocky, like sausages.
I don’t know their touch.
I don’t know myself.

My life was on
an upward climb
for a good long while,
and I would spend
my nights inside
the crevices of my
hyperactive mind,
rich with thc
and departed far
from reality and
this was not stable.
To be so consumed
with a limited array
of things and thoughts
provided for a curious
yet cramped labyrinth
that eventually had a
jolting end, an end
that I didn’t want to
face or see because
I was comfortable
and change was scary.
it’s been ten months
since the day i died
inside my head,
dead, once i’d explored
it all, and time has allowed
me to see past the allure
and understand that
I was living in monochrome,
not full color.

You’re probably sitting now
With a glass of cabernet
Sprawled on the couch
Reflecting on your day
Maybe the TV
Is humming along
Singing its song
So you don’t have to
Listen to yours.

You’re heavy with
Loneliness and those
guilty pleasures --
candies --
That you hide
A nervous addiction
Denied
Even though you write it out
In wrappers.

I know I do not fail
To flummox you
You hide it well
But I still see through
“The line’s always open,”
is the urging
Too bad I already
Blew out the fuse

You feel its pull before it even shows
It tugs you into climbing heights
Foam churning at your feet
Like the contents of your stomach
And even if you found the courage
To whirl around and face the tide
It will have already swallowed you whole
Crashing down from up above
Bitter with fear’s salt
Stronger than man
And so you drink it in, open-mouthed
Because you don’t know how to swim
But you’ve mastered how to drown.

Blue meet grey
In the brief flash
Of a mutual gaze
Before eyes fall back
To the littered ground
Hands clasped tight
Toes are twitching
Man and girl
Sitting in careful, practiced non-existence.

God, the universe,
I’m headed toward you
In bright defiance
Against your reign.

You are
Boring and boundless,
Still and silent.

I am
Blazing and brilliant
Loud and lively.

I am
Fire -- I burn
Through your ice
I tear through your blackness
I rip through your stars
Limitless, or so you were
Until calamity came crashing through.

Hear me, see me, feel me
I am
a presence, a sensational sight
Flaming through the night
Young and reckless,
Spirited and stubborn.

See me speed,
Careening into chaos
One cataclysmic collision
Before I fade off

See my trail,
My ghost,
My legacy
See my start
And end
My escape
From eternity.

I’m waging battles,
Winning fights
Against my mind.
Little things that
Dragged me down
Are gently tucked and
Buried beneath
The soft loam of
Recovery. It’s fresh
and shallow, like a
Scab and you just
Love to pick around
The edges until it’s
Red and raw and
Ready to rip off my
Skin, it’s thin, I’m
Sensitive and
War has not hardened
Me enough to roll
With all the punches.
Expect me not to
Meet your Expectations
I am done trying,
Even though I’m
******* hardwired
To shove myself into



Their ill-fitting form.

Girl,
You’ll be a woman
Soon, so start
Straightening your hair
So it’s smooth and shiny
And cake on your cumbersome
Concealer because
Acne is for boys.
Browse bras in Victoria’s Secret
The ones with plentiful padding,
Push-up, so your cleavage
Screams: “I am a grown lady”
Even though you’re only thirteen.
Trade your sweats for slimming
Jeans that squeeze, skin-tight
Telling you to take a trot to trim
Your waist because you weigh
More than a delicate number.

Sing me to sleep
And soothe me softly
Make my eyes sag
With the pleasant weight
Of impending repose.

Quell my mind
And feed me numbness
Let the fog haze over
Please free me
Of my thoughts.

Lay me down to rest
In the pitch black stillness
A slumber so deep
I’ll die in the night,
Uninterrupted.