Pain brings me back.
Every time I open my eyes it's to this anguish,
blinding me to all else.
It's the only thing that convinces me I'm still here.
Faces flash.
Hands hold me down.
None of it registers.
None of it sinks into me like the burning torment of my body.
The agony radiates through all of me.
The only thing I can do is surrender to the blanket of dark
where I feel nothing, see nothing.
Where even nightmares cannot find me.
Where I can cease to exist.

We're all
Afraid
Of something beautiful

Don't go so fast
You forget to look at the stars
Again

you know the look
the look
when you feel eyes on the side of your face
but you're not completely sure
so you turn
instantly catching them
looking
their addictive
ice blue eyes
staring
and then quickly they're gone
looking somewhere else
like the floor or  
out the window or
pretending to be deep in thought
but
you know that they've been looking
because you've caught them twice before

As is sit in this plane
I grow angrier and angrier
As it is late flying off.
I look out the window and stare into,the distance and see a green field.
Then I start to day dream about my life and all that it has become.
Then I think about what if this is my last flight.
Maybe this is the flight that ends my life falling, plumpiting into this earth.
Hit it right smack in the face.
As my body burns into ashes in one breath.
I think maybe I should be closer to my family, maybe be a better person.
You know same old same old as if I was already told that I should be doing this.
My neck is burning from the thought of not having my hand made rosary.
I always bring it when I'm flying.
I think to myself how foolish it is to think a necklace can make me feel safe.
Than the backing of the plane wakes me up from my day dream.
And I thank the sky that I was given an opportunity to have twenty more mins to live.
To be able to breathe in and out yet again.
My anger cease to exit, as I am glad to still exit.
If I survive this flight, I shall change my ways.
An agreement with my brain and heart.

I've been writing so much recently
yet

I still feel

hollow..