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 Nov 2017 harlee kae
T R H
I don't want to talk
I don't want to think
I don't want to feel this pain
I'd rather stay asleep
But unfortunately for me
I can't ever escape you
not while I'm awake
and not while I dream.
You said you saw me for me
and you'd fight by my side
conquer the darkness within
and the demons in my mind
You said that in the end
it'd be you and me
so I didn't even expect
that you would suddenly leave.
There's a constant loop
that's playing in my head
"You are unworthy of love
You will never be enough"
I try to block it out
but it just won't shut up.
You took off with my heart
and I can't get it back
I don't deserve to be loved.
You taught me that.
 Nov 2017 harlee kae
Cristina
By the time you will read this, I'll be long gone.

I will not be in the land of dead, nor of alive either. I will be as I was since, well... long before my heart was crushed between lips or fingers or people's thoughts.

I will be here, in a place between your world and mine. In places where the secret code to enter is pain in the chest, days of crying and words never heard of ears that count.

In this vast land is a city with concrete blocks, all gray. The streets are one way roads that travel beyond and above. Roundabouts at every mile that gives chances to go back.

back where?! you might ask.

I do not know to answer to that, I do not know to tell you stories of those who took the route back, or to show you pictures of new places they landed.

But I can tell you about the place where I am at.

Blocks are all around but going straight down the street you'll reach a park.

People stay here day and night with pillows and blankets all spare for just in case.

In case of what?! another good question you might add.

In case that someone who was their friend some time ago will come along. Not for company. No. In this place knowing that you're not alone is enough. no need to interact. The spare pillows and blankets are for those who have the courage to take some steps towards our grieving and pain and... just to hold our hands.

Among others like me, we are not alone. If you want to came and take me back, please do it.

I will be here.
 Nov 2017 harlee kae
Maddy Kay
I wish that we had more time together...
I wish that our parents weren't so strict...
I wish I would have known you before our first competition...
I wish that we had more than one class together...
I wish that were already out of school so that we could spend a lot of our time together...
I wish you could understand that I want to spend all of my time with you...
I wish you would understand that I want to have good memories with you...
I wish I could understand how you feel...
I wish I could understand what you want from me...
But most of all...
I wish to want to have some of my "firsts" with you...
Even if you don't agree, you're the first person I have felt this way about someone in a LONG time...
You are the very first person I can allow to trust in a long time...
Because, if you don't feel the same, I understand, but I want to know how you feel,
I want to know you love,
I want to know that you care...
Because I love you, even if you don't realize that...
Because I love you...
Even if you don't feel the same way...
i have been counting the leaves that have fallen since
i saw the summer sunrise in your eyes.
cold winds whispered cloudy days but when i
gazed into your eyes as your hand held mine there was
     hope,
but i truly felt it when you spoke poems to the snow.
i felt the lightning in your fingertips when your anxiety
went away with the morning mist and i smiled because you
decided that life was worthwhile.

"this is the way it's supposed to be," you say,
     and though you were referring to our sisters' retreat,
     i couldn't help but think of those words
     whenever you smiled at me.

i don't know if i'm the one helping you off the ground or
dragging you down but *******,
it's so good to know that you won't drown and
that you're safe and sound,

because i'd risk my life for your happiness to be found.
 Nov 2017 harlee kae
Julia Mae
i wrote poetry
he partied
i would overthink
he would oversleep
too lost within the oblivion
of trying to numb away
life
while i was here
thinking about "life" too much
writing about it too much
i enjoyed wine
on a quiet Tuesday evening
he enjoyed liquor
on a wild Friday night

surely
truly
love does attract
"opposites"
i loved him
and he loved me
but he didn't want to live
life
and i
wanted to write about it

we're sitting
in a ***** garage
blasting music
with lyrics
that i am so appalled by
this is his life
this is
it isn't mine

i am
the quiet
Tuesday afternoon girl
who writes her words
to figure out
life
while he is trying
to forget about his
on a Friday night

these lifestyles
we tried to clash
for far too long
so sadly
too long

i left
with love still
beating inside of my heart
because you could never
love me
the way you love
your Friday nights
like you couldn't love
my Tuesday evenings

love is so
crafty
and deceiving
it brought us to meet
we both understood
that life is sad
yet only i
could see its beauty

and our lifestyles
were too different
to sustain the life
for one another
I haven't written too much lately but this poured out tonight.
 Nov 2017 harlee kae
Lily X
You’re everywhere.

I hate it. But I can’t help it.

You’re behind me in my own reflection.
You’ve stained the walls of my own house with your scent.
Your mark is left on every love heart scribbled on a sticky note.

I still have them.

Your memory plagues my vision.
I can’t go out without you in my mind, strong as the taste of blood on my tongue.

My anger flows hot and white, but not at you.
At myself, for being such a fool.

And yet, I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
I really am a fool.
i want you to tell me i’m beautiful, every day until i believe it. the truth is i was never beautiful, not until you said it, until you lied about it. i felt something when you said those words, something i’ve never been before. i’m different after you and i don’t know how to go back to being who i was.
monday 10th november '14 ~ out of the two of us you are the ******* beautiful one
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