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 May 2014 Natalie
first last
"So what does depression feel like"*

It feels like trying to run through the sand after you have just climbed out of the ocean.

Like trying desperately to hang on to the merry-go-round spinning out of control.

Like struggling to keep your head above water in a wave pool.

Like trying to climb up a steep slide and slipping down just as you almost reach the top.

Like gasping for air after you've had the wind knocked out of you.

Like having a crush on life knowing life will never like you back.

Do you understand now?
 May 2014 Natalie
ZL
Crush Soda
 May 2014 Natalie
ZL
I have crushes
because I am unable
to commit.
I can pick up affairs
and when I'm tired,
I quit.

I have crushes
because I am an obessessive
romancer.
I am infected with lust
which always spread
like cancer.

I have crushes
because I have yet
to fall in love
yet lucky enough
to have my heart
broke into two.

I could never love you wholly
this is why I 'crush' on you.
 May 2014 Natalie
Paula Lee
I'm the only person I know
who can destroy everyone
I come into contact with

So don't love me!

With my best intentions
I manage to bring pain
to my friends and come
between them

Don't love me!

With tears of pain
and of sorrow I beg you

Don't love me!

I am unlovable

Don't love me!
 May 2014 Natalie
themotionless
It would be so out of character
To treat people how they treat me

But oh how sweet
Revenge could be
 May 2014 Natalie
themotionless
i'll close my eyes and pretend
this is not the end
tell myself I can change
better things are within range
~
but i need to face reality
I can feel the deepest memories start to unravel. This is not what I want.
 May 2014 Natalie
themotionless
Can we start over?
Can we be strangers again?
Let me introduce myself
We can laugh and talk
And relearn what we already know
And come up with new inside jokes
And create new memories
And give each other
A second chance.
 May 2014 Natalie
Tommy
3 Things
 May 2014 Natalie
Tommy
When you grow up, i am going to teach you three things:

1. If someone does something for you, and you say thank you, there is nothing more that you owe, in any situation. Anyone who thinks otherwise, and believes they need a reward for being a decent human being is dangerous and you stay as far away from them as you can.
2. Always put your needs first, nothing is more important than your happiness and they should understand that. You are not doing anything wrong by saying "no", and not all physical contact is wanted, even if it seems as innocent as a hug. You keep your ground.
3. In addition to that, always stay true to your own beliefs and dreams. Don't let another person compromise them, however much you may think you care about that person. If you want to be a lawyer, you work as hard as you can, you hold your head high and if anyone tells you that your assertiveness is "being bossy" and isn't becoming to a woman, you stick ******* up and tell them to *******. You will be who you want to be.

Because, unfortunately, my darling, the world is set against you, and we are fighting to change that.
 May 2014 Natalie
alex kennedy
Some people define growing up as growing into you place in the world,
but its not.

It's the first time
You realize he is not yours anymore.
It's the first time you notice your parents are not your heroes.
Its not about your first kiss but your last.
And even worse, you realize there really is no milk in Oreo's.

It's not falling in love for the first time
but falling down and watching your bruises
avoiding to touch them because with every touch
you cant help but remember that this skin was once pink
but you have no idea how it got so blue.

Sixteen is wondering if it had to be this way and leaving the room
to avoid listening to the static of broken people
that have forgotten how to channel forgiveness.

you keep growing extending your roots in cynical fields,
producing fruit that would **** you.
You build walls around your legs when someone tries to move you.
you plant your feet into cement to make sure you don't lose yourself.

You wake up to the thought that he is making someone else breakfast
and you feed on the last words he said to you three years ago.
You realize that you are breathing in the same air he is breathing out
and maybe that is something you could live without.

You turn off the lights, and you turn off your mind.
And you dream. you dream about the lies of staying young.
Waking up to him, laughing and loving but wait,
what if growing up really meant;

Falling in love with yourself first.
Painting your golden hair on a mirror just the way it is
because you have grown just as beautifully as all of those glimmering strands.

If someone tries to cut your hair, smile.
Because maybe growing up means
taking a step back to grow some more,
so fix your old split ends.

Maybe growing up means
you are the only one that can turn the light on.
maybe those bruises
are just reminders that you got up and bumped something in the dark
because you finally figured out that there is a ******* light switch.

It's the first time you discover that there are people in places
with souls filled with empty spaces, just like you.
And maybe your heroes have to grow up too.

Maybe growing up
is putting down the phone.
Not because it would hurt you less
but because now you know that
your ex lover is not going to pick up the phone.
but it will always be the voice of someone you have never known.
on the other end "hello".
"who am i speaking to?".

Instead open a door,
and let the essence of your home spill out.
Because just know it's only time until
the fragrance of who you are draws in
someone tall, and someone grown,
someone who is not afraid to be known.

someone who knows that they don't belong in the empty spaces
of someone else's heart, they shouldn't be there in the first place.
But in mirrors, in the reflection of their own eyes.
So don't breath too deeply because you might find it
too hard to find yourself in the fog you left on your mirror.

Growing up is not
turning off all the lights because you are scared of what you see
but being strong enough to know that pain exist's so you can move forward.
It's not looking into someone else's eyes to see yourself,
but looking into someone else's eyes to make sure they see you.

Growing up is realizing that
even though he made your heart beat it's fastest when you didn't want it beating at all
it was still you that carried you heart in your treasure chest to make that possible.
This is just about learning from you mistakes and understanding that everyone is human
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