we burn the skeletons
of creatures buried deeper than
the fallen stars that took them
pouring them into our automobiles
so they can take us to the places they roamed

skeletons can't talk
but we tell their stories amidst the quiet
they left us

i wonder if we got them right

i can't look at anyone with purple hair without seeing you
even though you dyed it silver just before you.... before we.... yeah
it *****, but i'd rather see you in people that aren't you
than not see the you that you aren't when i look at your face

that makes no sense

i keep confusing the you that you showed me
with the you that i made up
and i still don't know which one loved me

but i know it is 'loved'
past tense

i'm pretty sure it was past tense
even before you sent me that text
oh god, that text

i didn't know a heart could shatter so slowly
and yet completely all at once;
like an ice cube that cracks as soon as it hits the water
but takes hours to fully melt

i hear you in all the songs we used to listen to together
and these days, that's most songs i play
even though i finally mustered up the will to delete the playlist i made for you

it was just a part of the melting

you connected the freckles on my arms
with your calligraphy pen
like they were constellations
and i was the night sky

your hand held my arms still as you inked them
and i stopped breathing and started breathing faster at the same time
my mind couldn't remind my head not to fall in love
and my heart was beating in my arms
right under your hand
right under your pen

but the illusion shatters when you say,
don't worry, i torment gwen like this all the time

and i wish it didn't
because ap government is dismal
there's too much reality in there
and i just want to be wrapped up in the idea of you

but that's not fair
so i just stare at the constellations you made of me
and wish they meant something
as i try to stop getting so dizzy around you

i tell myself it works

you took my hat off and wore it
it looked better on you
you took my shoelaces and
tied them around your wrists like bracelets
i wanted to hold your hands

you showed me your poem
something a little dark, but i liked it
and you always tell me what book you're reading
you tell me to watch your favorite animes
even though it's been years since i've watched anything at all
i watch them all as if they will show me the world through your eyes

i thought i was special but i learned you do that with everyone
you told me a list of her favorite anime characters from memory
you told everyone in ap government the books you were reading

my shoelaces weren't even the only ones you stole
i wish i could stop pretending i mean something to you

i wish i meant something to you

she told me you cried over me
and i was surprised

i hate that

i get over things
right away. i'll never get
over anything

i wear a bracelet i made
with rainbow beads around letters that spell out
"g a t s b y"
because we're both gay as ****
and i think i'm funny

you asked me if there was a
"n i c k"
pointing to my wrist
and i just blushed as i realized what you meant

because i wish it was you
i want you to be the nick to my gatsby