I write the notes
Every day
Looking up
At what never be

I write the notes
Hoping you’d see
Capture the universe
Flying away

I write the universe
Every day
Dreaming upon the stars
Every word a stray

Catching the stars like fireflies
Filling bottle by bottle
I can only hope you’d see
My little universe in a bottle
I’ll give to you someday

Title: Not My Fault

It’s summer of 2019
I haven’t gotten a job
Though I have applied to so many
Not my fault

It’s winter of 2013
I am on a bed bent backward
My skin for only his to see
Not my fault

It’s fall of 2019
I didn’t get the job at Disney
Though I met the qualifications in the resume and cover letter
Not my fault

It’s fall of 2018
I’m finally, to everyone’s eyes a boy,
But my mother speaks a different gender from her lips
Not my fault

It’s spring of 2019
It’s getting out so I put on shorts
My scars and my thighs are in full view
My mother tells me how ‘chunky’ I look
Not my fault

It’s spring of 2019
I’m graduating from high school
I’m supposed to be cheering
But instead, I am screaming soundlessly from a bathroom
The male teacher who had gotten fired the next week tells me to shut up
Not my fault

It’s summer of 2019
I’m trying to get the medication I need
So I can finally feel like a boy in my body
My father says I am boy enough with this ‘ugly *** haircut’ and my ‘giant thighs’
Not my fault

I was born in December 2000 at 11:53 pm
Miss Congeniality came out that year
I still watch that movie
I’m 5’4.5”…on a really good day
I’m 133 pounds
I don’t know how to dance
And I’m a sucker for over-sugared, terrible coffee
Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die!
I’m still learning how to be an adult
It’s difficult because I want my parents to constantly be there
But I get annoyed with them when they’re constantly there
I like Naked smoothies…. a lot
I’ve been told that I’m really bad at telling jokes
I’m bad at telling jokes because I go into too much detail
I’m bad at telling jokes because I still don't get them
I have a strange fascination with hugs
Ask my best friend, it’s true
I think it’s because you can’t see the other person’s face when you hug them
So what if that hug means something else you don't even know about?
I’m clumsy
Yesterday, I tripped over my brain, landed on my heart, and it shattered like a broken phone against the pavement
I'm afraid of writing an obituary
Maybe because I wonder if it's going to be written by me for me
I'm sure this sounds weird but I wonder what my laptop say about me when I’m not around
I wonder what the Word documents would say if they could read what I’ve written on their skin
I wonder what my pens would say,
If they knew,
If they knew that I use them,
To pour out my heart and soul on to something that can never actually love me back
Hi
My name is Jace
It’s a name my best friend gave me
I enjoy snuggling, singing and crying until I’m smiling again
But I don’t let my guard down as often as I should
I have solar power compassion
And a battery operated smile
My hobbies include:
Faking my confidence to my friends,
Hiding behind a past that doesn’t define me,
And trying to convince my smile that it's not fake

Absolute bliss
Sinking deep into the blankets
Sighing into the pillows
After a long, stressful day.

This is not me
I do not think like this
My mind is changing
Worse than before.

You have a mother;
She doesn’t know
That I’ve given you a paper
That you have yet to throw.
In other words,
Your mom’s a ***.

IT'S SNOWING
IT'S SNOWING
IT'S SNOWING
ONE OF THEM LANDED ON MY NOSE!!

Alone in the corner
Workbook open
Pen limp in my hand
I can't bring myself to work.