You permeate my universe and wreak havoc on my cosmos.
You aren’t really here, just a phantom lingering on the horizon.
Like gravity you force me down, until I'm nothing but a speck.
Your insides burned like the heaviest star in the sky.
We collided and the explosion demolished my world
Our cosmic radiation scorched the atmosphere.
Now I’m back on Earth, left to map the constellations
Lingering in the shattered sky left in your wake.
you have a habit of coming back to me,
you can’t help but think of me
when you walk by the pie shop
and see my favorite pie in the window.
you find yourself inside, pulling out your wallet
and buying me a pie.
you know if you buy me a pie,
you have to find me to deliver it.
you know I love pie
but I don’t know if I love you
I know I can't hate you,
but why did you buy me a pie?
when you saw the pie, did you forget
about your five-year plans and new apartment in Texas?
did you forget about our lives now
just for a moment, outside of a pie shop?
and did you forget about me, just as quickly,
when you left?
I had a lot of reasons to leave
like the tea you made
in your ex-girlfriend's mug
that was always too hot
but I chose to stay.
You had a lot of reasons to stay
like the love letters
and late nights
But you chose to leave.
How sad you must be now
I lost someone who never loved me
You lost someone who loved you.
I knew you were a heartbreaker
but every time I picked up the pieces
and put them back in your hands.
You collect the battered hearts of others
in a box under your bed for safekeeping.
But all the hearts in the world could never be enough
because no heart is more broken
Did you say something?
I thought you were going to say something?
Only that I love you more and more everyday, and I want to wake up like this, in this bed, with this cup of coffee and this teddy bear every morning forever. Only that I combed threw all 1,284 photos of you on the internet until I could confidently conclude that I'm the prettiest girl you've ever loved or kissed or seen. That I've already imagined our wedding (springtime on the cape), our children (adorable) and our farmhouse we will renovate until it looks like the ones on tv. Only that right now I love you, and its eating me alive.
How have I
Existed in your world
This whole time
And not even know it?
Dopamine fogs my mind
Until all I can see through the haze
How have I lived a whole life
Not knowing the face of perfection.
I waste no time—
Every second, minute, memory
Locked away for safekeeping.
Like an addict, my mood swings
Back and forth
Until I forget where I started.
My brain decided it doesn’t need serotonin anymore.
It's much more fun to run wild
Hysterically combing through our last conversation
Because nothing else matters
Than the way you kissed me last.
I find you in songs stumbled upon,
The smell of sweat and cheap detergent
And the sound of Pink Floyd and Dawes.
In the smell of ***,
Your sisters backpack rotting in my basement
And the picture of us my mother kept.
In the photographs I swore I burned,
The loneliness of cold showers
Parties, Austin and button up shirts.
In the poems I still write,
The pills I still take
And the black nail polish you liked.
In shirtless men with hairy chests,
The mention of a Cubs game
And the crevasses of my consciousness.
In my present I find our past,
The relics of a romance
And the memories that last.