You permeate my universe and wreak havoc on my cosmos. You aren’t really here, just a phantom lingering on the horizon. Like gravity you force me down, until I'm nothing but a speck.
Your insides burned like the heaviest star in the sky. We collided and the explosion demolished my world Our cosmic radiation scorched the atmosphere. Now I’m back on Earth, left to map the constellations Lingering in the shattered sky left in your wake.
you have a habit of coming back to me, don’t you? you can’t help but think of me when you walk by the pie shop and see my favorite pie in the window. you find yourself inside, pulling out your wallet and buying me a pie. you know if you buy me a pie, you have to find me to deliver it. you know I love pie but I don’t know if I love you I know I can't hate you, but why did you buy me a pie? when you saw the pie, did you forget about your five-year plans and new apartment in Texas? did you forget about our lives now just for a moment, outside of a pie shop? and did you forget about me, just as quickly, when you left?
I knew you were a heartbreaker but every time I picked up the pieces and put them back in your hands. You collect the battered hearts of others in a box under your bed for safekeeping. But all the hearts in the world could never be enough because no heart is more broken than yours.
Only that I love you more and more everyday, and I want to wake up like this, in this bed, with this cup of coffee and this teddy bear every morning forever. Only that I combed threw all 1,284 photos of you on the internet until I could confidently conclude that I'm the prettiest girl you've ever loved or kissed or seen. That I've already imagined our wedding (springtime on the cape), our children (adorable) and our farmhouse we will renovate until it looks like the ones on tv. Only that right now I love you, and its eating me alive.
How have I Existed in your world This whole time And not even know it? Dopamine fogs my mind Until all I can see through the haze Is you.
How have I lived a whole life Not knowing the face of perfection. I waste no time— Every second, minute, memory Locked away for safekeeping. Like an addict, my mood swings Back and forth Until I forget where I started.
My brain decided it doesn’t need serotonin anymore. It's much more fun to run wild Hysterically combing through our last conversation Because nothing else matters Than the way you kissed me last.
I find you in songs stumbled upon, The smell of sweat and cheap detergent And the sound of Pink Floyd and Dawes. In the smell of ***, Your sisters backpack rotting in my basement And the picture of us my mother kept. In the photographs I swore I burned, The loneliness of cold showers Parties, Austin and button up shirts. In the poems I still write, The pills I still take And the black nail polish you liked. In shirtless men with hairy chests, The mention of a Cubs game And the crevasses of my consciousness. In my present I find our past, The relics of a romance And the memories that last.