I look past my reflection in the mirror;
whale-sized thighs, and
arms too big for the oceans
rain pours down like sharp daggers
into my flesh, and I’m tired
teeth hurt, and I’m tired
heart pounding, and I’m tired
my mermaid waves leave my head like
an old porcelain doll, dying
and I’m tired
I teach my body how to stop needing,
in with the calories, and I’m tired
out with the calories, and I’m really tired
silent screams echo at the fake reflection
that stares blindly through the broken
mirrors
**** me up, I’m seeing stars tonight
bones aching, and I’m smiling
bullets to the head, and I’m smiling
painstakingly dancing through the night
till I’m void of nothing,
they say empty is beautiful, and I want
so dearly to feel beautiful
calories scattered on the floor, like the
those scattered thoughts of everything
I used to be
and everything I am now
scatterbrain, tell me how you feel
when your insides are void of
self-love
you eat hatred for breakfast
and spit self-pity into your toilet
tell me again, silly girl,
do you feel beautiful now?

My circle of trust is so small, even I'm not in it

This is me,
Looking for you in a dimly lit bar
Only to find you
Forehead pressed to another nameless girl.
This is what love looks like to me.
To aid and abet,
To give you the freedom you crave
Which does not come with the restraints of commitment.

This is what love looks like to me.
Giving all that I possibly can
And trying not to take too much from you.
Letting you do and say what you like
Being your accomplice, your friend
And never judging you.

But you make it so difficult sometimes.
When you say that you'll look for me,
But instead you're dancing with another.
When you say you're excited to be with me,
Then you sleep next to someone else.
When you tell me you'd do anything for me,
But then you forget me and our plans
At the earliest convenience.

I love you.
I would and do give everything I can to you.
But this act, these consequences,
Your point of view.
It all has me skewed. Diluted. Drained.
Done.

And I'm not sure really where to go from here.

Words have power.
We all know this.

Verbs have power
because without verbs
we can neither laugh nor cry,
neither run nor walk;
we cannot breathe,
nor even be,
without a verb.
A noun too has power
because with it we have, in a sense,
mastery of the object, the person, or the feeling
that we name.
Even an adjective has power,
for it qualifies the noun,
fleshes it out,
makes it more our possession.
A conjunction,
small, insignificant,
you might think
without power,
but ....

All words have power.
We know this,
or we would not be writing poetry.

This is for people who are "overweight"
___________
Got up today,
made myself some breakfast.
Got in the shower
Looked at my body,
Saw what everyone else sees.
My belly is too big,
I tell myself
"I'm ugly"
I cry a little inside.
I put on my shirt
saw the XL on the tag.
I went to school,
watched people look at me.
Its not fair you know.
I am unable to exercise,
my asthma has almost taken my life from doing so
*twice*
I wish people would see
my pants size represents my heart,
not your superiority.
If I wear a size 27,
my heart is 27,
and you where a size two.........
I wish people would look at my eyes,
not at my waist,
and look at who I am,
not what I  look like.
I am a great person,
I do not like being called fat.
Fantastic,
Awesome ,
Terrific
person,
is who I am
I am not fat,
I am human.
Respect me.
Despite what you think,
I can kiss
I can love
I can feel
I am a person,
who has desires.
I am not fat,
No
I am a person.
_____
No one is overweight.
That is not what maters.
People need to open their mind
before their mouth.
So many magazines exploit people,
society being the same.
People judge others
by what they look like.
That is so ******.
Love the person for who they are
and NOT by what they look like

wow
we really need to stop meeting like this -
- in the back of my mind, you strewn across the hardwood floor, me, watching you.
there is so much you'd rather be doing, but ive got one foot on your neck
and the other on the keys

we're never getting out
it's just you and me and the four walls that bind us

i keep going back here, with you again
and everytime i get out im left drenched with guilt

it's funny how i declare how much I want to start living
when im killing myself in the process

it's unintentional though, but i guess that's the equivalent of me saying
"i can stop whenever i want"
i can't
and if the devil is controlling these motives
***** him !!

ive lived in this home for too long to be witty and edgy and declare that
i wanna go to hell!!

i don't
but hell is this feeling, it's guilty
it's you and you know it

leave me alone for like, 30 days
then come back to haunt me again

I hear you speak
way back when
but your lips
never move

the street lights dim
behind the glass
and the tires scream
beneath us

you see me
but I can’t tell
if you’re looking at me
or through me

because the lights
get eaten up
in your eyes

I can’t breathe
the world is so small
and my head is too heavy
and my heart is still

I sing
and you turn on the radio

black white noise
like your mouth.
~ a.h.