gabriel ackerman

gabriel ackerman Feb 2016

Sunset

The sky
It was blue
The one who did it
It was you.

You pushed
Away my clouds
You helped me live
With the voices so loud.

You made me see
The light of day
You helped me walk
and not run astray.

Your eyes
They light the dark
they keep me going
even with just one spark.

Your voice
It calms me
Not a like a crashing wave
but like a gentle sea.

The distance
although so long
i keep you close
you keep me strong.

The sunset
the most beautiful thing
But now my sunset
I will sing.

This is for a certain person, they know who they are. This is very different than anything I normally write, but I like this poem a lot.

#love #beautiful #beauty #her #you #distance #sunset #keep #mine

gabriel ackerman Jan 2016

Betrayal

The darkness creeps up behind me.
I turn and look, what is it I see?
I see the faces of the people who used to care.
They just smile at me, they stare.
Meanwhile I am on fire.
The burning continues as the flames grow higher.
Unable to withstand the pain in my heart.
I wish it would end, I want to go back to the start.
The figures of betrayal wrap around my soul.
Til I am shrouded in darkness, with no clear goal.
No way out, because they keep me trapped in.
What did I do wrong? What terrible sin?
My naive self decides to give the betrayers another chance.
Only to be crushed once again by their morbid dance.
Over and over again they pull me deeper into hell.
They've been doing this since the day I fell.
I just want it to end, I want the pain to end.
Maybe they will help if it's a hand i continue to lend.
And so the vicious cycle goes on and on.
I keep helping them and they eat away at my soul.
*And they will keep going until the day I am gone.

I don't kow how I feel about this poem.. It's okay I suppose. I'll upload it.

#suicide #depression #death #alone #die #betrayal #hurt #help #betrayed

gabriel ackerman Jan 2016

The Real Hell

Screaming loud inside my head.
All of the voices just want me dead.
Curled up in a ball in a room of dark.
My thoughts clamped around like viscous shark.
Rocking back and forth, all alone.
Speaking with the voices, in a softer tone.
Becoming mellow to the ones who are the worst.
Breathing steadily slower, dying of thirst.
Saying "no no no" because I want them to leave.
The screaming continues as I begin to heave.
Unable to bear the pain they bring.
I try to comfort myself as I softly sing.
The voices in my mind only scream and yell.
I think and I scream "What is this!?"
They reply in unison *"This is Hell."

I don't post much anymore, but I am happy with this write.

#suicide #hell #sad #depression #sadness #depressed #alone #screaming #demons #help

gabriel ackerman Dec 2015

A Stone in My Heart and Coal for a Soul.

I woke up to feel the pain in my chest.
It was the middle of the night, but I would not rest.
My eyes struggled to find the light.
But all they saw was the cover of the night.
The pain in my chest worsens, and my eyes fill with tears.
I am left in the darkness, with nothing but fear.
My body shakes and I feel all the pain.
I question myself, am I even sane?
But just as I thought I was crazy as could be.
My lips widen, and i start smiling with glee.
The pain has not left, but my mind has welcomed it.
My body has grown accustom to feeling it bit by bit.
A small chuckle escapes my lips, but my eyes are red.
I am crying nonstop and I feel broken... Dead.
The pain in my chest only seems to grow.
Like a stone being throw, to and fro.
My body quivers as I feel my blackened soul.
So dark and hurt, long since turned to coal.
My bloodshot eyes slowly begin to shut.
Sadly when I awake, I will still be in this rut.
All I can do for myself is grieve and grieve.
Because there is a stone in my heart... And it will never leave.

#suicide #broken #depression #pain #death #alone #hurt #help

gabriel ackerman Nov 2015

The Demon Inside Me

We all talk about our demons every now and then.
We all have those demons, all the women, children, and men.
We can not hide from them, not now, not ever.
They sit in our minds, some people can't conquer them, never.
However, I have only one demon that resides in my mind.
Wherever I am, he will always find.
I can not run for him, and I cannot hide.
Sadly for me, he is along for the ride.
Tormenting me, every chance he gets.
He brings up my past and all my regrets.
Sadly my demon is one I can never overcome.
And I do not think that to him I can become numb.
I'm just stuck with him here, every single day.
And I will stand here and way, because there's nothing I can say.
The demon fills my lungs with my sorrow.
And it makes me question if I will see tomorrow.
My veins run with nothing but despair.
And I know it's not right, it isn't fair.
I will put up with my demon, day and night.
I will have conversations with him, I'm tired of the fight.
The talk only breaks down my soul.
The demon has turned me cold, I am no longer whole.
I don't know if you've realized yet, but you see.
The one demon that I am stuck with *is me.

Just got this idea for a poem.

#suicide #depression #death #alone #hurt #demons #demon #help

gabriel ackerman Oct 2015

How Can This Be Fair?

I reach out my hand and grasp at the air.
My eyes well with tears, how can this be fair?
Surrounded by these people, but cursed to feel alone.
Forced to wander my mind, without a place to call home.
The tears, now a steady stream down my cheeks.
I hide my face and I begin to silently weep.
The people who care asking if I am okay.
Then they assume that I am, they resume with their day.
When I try and I try, never leaving them alone.
All I hear when I need help, is the blank dial tone.
I drop to my knees, finally giving up all thought.
I decide this is where I should be, left to rot.
I wish I could show myself, they really want to help.
But i can't seem to let them, I force myself into hell.
I lie here alone, alone with just my mind.
I wait to be consumed by it, it's just a matter of time.
I close my eyes, hearing the pleas of those I let down.
And I lie in my coffin, as I'm lowered six feet into the ground.

Welp, I think I'm done writing for the night, hope you enjoy.

#suicide #death #alone #dead #help #notfair

gabriel ackerman Oct 2015

Drowning In Thought

Rain clouds as far as the eye can see.
Water pouring from the sky, drowning me.
I close my eyes, and shut out the dim, pale light.
I give into my sorrow, my starless night.
My eyes fill with tears, but they are covered up by the rain.
The blood drips from my body, and the water worsens the pain.
The pain shoots through my body, the worst pain I've ever known.
And i let out a scream of terror, the most weakness I've ever known.
I wait for myself to drown beneath the tide.
This time, why even bother to ask why?
I'm so far out to sea not a soul would hear me.
But then i remember, my mind is the sea.
My thoughts enclose me, trapped with no way out.
And then i stop crying, it's already too late, not a thing to cry about.
My eyes slowly close as the world fades away.
This time I'm asleep for good, I will not live to see another day.
A bittersweet smile finally crosses my face.
The muffled "goodbye" and I'm gone without a trace.

Here's another poem, even though I hardly ever upload.

#suicide #depression #death #alone #dead #mind #drowning #imdone #inmyhead #mymind