I’ve always had a fear of water that’s deep
I remember my fright in the city pool
how I made friends with the shallow end
how close to the sides I’d keep.
I still recall that curved stone edge
how my fingers held on and I felt a fool
being so scared when the other kids
would jump in the deep end with joy
how I felt like such a silly scardy boy
and I envied their abandon and grit
the big splash when their cannonball hit.

But it’s true my daddy was never there
to teach me to swim
to help when I came up coughing for air.
Oh man, how I could have used him
and his strong arms to hold me
and show me the breast stroke
slap my back when I choked.

Now I still thirst for a father
when I get afraid of the deep water.
The difference is now I’ve got a dad
who’s always there when I’m afraid or sad.
In fact I look forward to the dive
into the deep where I’m so alive
centered and at peace.
But I’m still learning to let go and release
the edge of that deep pool
and breathe in the depths… of spirit fuel.

Last night I had a nightmare.
Last night I was a worm.
I did not have a spine,
but that was not my concern.
All I eat is dirt and ****,
and that's alright with me
I don't even have eyeballs
I hardly want to see.
All I am is fodder
For food
For good
Animal be.
I have to poach my culture for existence
and humanity.

i was never a jealous person
i swear that’s the truth
but now it has overwhelmed me
out of the blue

i never was a jealous person
i always wanted what was best for the group
i always sacrificed my desires
to have some place to belong to

i never was a jealous person
that is until i met you
you were something i wanted more
than the belonging i unsuccessfully pursued

i was never a jealous person
those were feelings i thought i outgrew
never thought i would feel this way
but i could never imagine the things i’d be put through

i was never a jealous person
so you must understand why i’m confused
i was so, so careful
never biting off more than i could chew

i was never a jealous person
i always had such a positive attitude
but now that has disappeared
peekaboo

now i am drowning in jealousy
and i'm not sure what to do
holding the loaded gun in my hand
praying i'll never try to shoot

There's nothing pretty about a girl that is 100 pounds overweight.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that has 15 different skin tones.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that has faint eyes coloured dark with insomnia.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that has thin lips barely matching the size of the doubled chins.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that has fat cheeks hiding her faint eyes from the world.

There's nothing pretty about girl that has a  neck covered in fat and hidden by the weight of the chins.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that has ******* smaller than the belly it resides above.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that has belly enough to cover the scope of her womanhood.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that has thighs that rubs together hiding scopes of her womanhood.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that has a camera that dulls and fades the blemishes and extra chins away.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that has pictures of herself resonating on her social medias but not looking like herself.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that hasn't accepted that there's nothing pretty about her.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that has.................

There's nothing pretty about me.

-fir.m

I crave a certain high,
the one I get
from the butterflies
that dance in
my stomach
whenever I see you.  
My parents warned me
about drugs on the street,
but never about the ones
with a heartbeat.