I want to run
I want to walk
But I don't want to stop on the way

I want to rise
I want to fall
But i don't want to stay as it is

I want to say truth
I want to say lie
But i don't want to be silent of my voice

I want to laugh
I want to cry
But i don't want to be numb and feelless

I want to live
I want to die
But i don't want to cease of existence

I want to shine
I want to be shadow
But i don't want to be none

She finally did it
She had the nerve
It came as easy as 1,2,3
For you and me.

This was her breaking point
Her time to fly high
End all this pain inside
to just call it her end.

In her manic state
Impulse hit her
She wraps the rope
Around her neck

She pulls it tight
Her tears fall
Her breathing becomes
Shallow and painful
The room starts grow dark.

Time passes
uncertainty as to how long.
What is going on?
Am I still alive?
Why is it so cold?

I'm numb.
I cant feel anything.
No pain.
No love.
Nothing.
Its...

Perfect.
After all this searching
For what is missing
I have finally found it!
I've never felt better!

Then...
I start to see a light again
and breathing becomes even more painful
and the pain starts to come back..

NO
WAIT!
I'm happy here!
I fight, I resist
I don't want to go back
I cry - more pain
I feel - more heartbreaking tears
I remember - more terrifying memories
The world growing heavier upon my shoulders again.

I'm back..
What I once thought for a brief minute or two was my new safe place, Inner-peace pain free zone was only an attempt.

Now the question that circles is
WHY did you save me?






Right before Christmas (2015) the stress built up and I "tried" to **** myself. Though i did succeed for a brief moment and it was an attempt cause my s.o. found me and brought me back to life. though i am still sitting here question why and wondering what my purpose is. Ive had a tad bit of writers block but i want to get this story out there too so this is all i can get hopefully at a later date there can be a better poem.

If anyone is struggling with depression and ever is stopping to this level I am here to talk and I encourage it all I needed that night was someone to talk to and no one was there for me prior to the moment.

Roses are red
I'm done

I don't see the point of your glare
Staring, and calling me unfair
There is no need to feed
My overflowing despair.

You say my eyes seem empty
And lack of emotion,
Well, it was no lie
When they said  eyes
Reflect what's inside.

I am not heartless
On the contrary,
I got so much of it
That I can't stand it
Feelling everything
I wish I was hearless.

But what did you expected
I was promised the sky
And got thrown to the ground.