so let us play hide and seek
in my maze of mind
or the labyrinth of my heart.
you can try finding me
or try to find me.
but only if you care enough,
or maybe
only if you're lonely enough.

through the looking glass i see.
i know right, im that girl
whose life is far from the word perfect
and no one wants to be me.
cracked, bitter, gloomy, broken ?

and im dealing with my own self.
hiding under my blankets, dark in my own cave.
introverted soul trapped in an extroverted personality.
they tell me im emotionless,
but im just not good at expressing my feelings.
they say im neglectful,
i think they just cant dip into my world.
they say im freaking out,
for me im just me

but whose life im living now?
oh for God's sake!
imma live my own life,
not other people's life.
im gonna go a hundred miles and live my dreams.
i will be who i wanna be.
im gonna scream, im gonna sing.
i will write hundreds of poetry, thousands of poetry.
i will free myself.

i will heal myself.
im buying new pillows, new cute glasses,
i will paint my nails blue and green,
i will dye my hair.
taking sick days and letting myself fall apart
but just then i will buy myself some candies and i will be okay again.
i just wanna be alright again and i know i will.
im gonna laugh till i cry,
im gonna skip classes to study at the library.
imma be disgusting and cry into my wounds.
going on a walk by myself
and tell everyone they look gorgeous.
i will dress nicely,
and make others feel alright about themselves.
imma read books, drink a cup of tea, and buy myself succulents.

i wanna love hard, i want an extraordinary love.
im gonna love the people i love.

i wanna be mad, passionate, going insane.

i dont want mediocres,
my love is not a mediocre thing.

i will live my life and i'll be okay.

hey little tough one,
i know right, its not easy to be you.
everyone bestows their everything on you,
yet you already have a lot on your shoulders,
that i can see when i stare at your back.

hey little tough one,
im sorry i could do nothing about it.
but He could.
so i will close my eyes and kneel,
asking for stronger knees for you.

no one should ever take you for granted.

hey little tough one,
your smile is strength.
so please dont let go of your smile.
let all the obstacles stumble,
for you radiate the strongest smile.

my favorite.

holding onto every pieces of the broken heart.

im sorry.
i cant be like them.
i couldnt even stare at your face.

im sorry.
i cant be like them.
i couldnt even cry aloud for you in front of everyone.
i even hid my tears.

im sorry.
i cant be like them.
i couldnt even be there, kissing the soil where you belong now.

but here i am,
holding onto every pieces of my broken heart.

i miss you.
i miss your smile.
i miss your voice.
i miss staring at your back,
or even just sitting there beside you.

i miss talking about everything with you.
i miss the laughter we shared.

i miss the coffee stain on your morning cup.
and the smell of the hot chocolate you really like.

i miss all the time you were nagging on me about everything im unaware about.

i miss calling your name.

i miss the buzzing sound of your nebulizer.
and the smell of your inhaler.

simply, i miss you.

and here i am, holding onto every pieces of the broken heart.

i was standing there
in the dark
in silence
lost in thoughts.

i couldnt even stare at you.

but its okay now.
i have Him
and the promises
saying that everything will be alright.

and i wont ever stumble down.