I wish my lips could touch yours
Like the ones before me had done
It would be a great privilege
As if it were something given by God

I stand here longing for your hands
For them to wrap around mine
I long for your own heat and sweat
To meld into my own

I stare into your eyes hoping they stare back
I want to see your soul in its quintessence
I want to see your flaws and shortcomings
And fall for every one of them

Electricity fluctuates
Darkness, light, darkness, light
I will find my way out
But the problem is too complex
For a quick getaway

I see a flash of God
Then the devil
Then God again
Then the devil
It never ends

It's torture
I don't know whether the light is better
Or if the darkness is
To be honest
I just wanna be dead already and be
Buried six feet underground
Where I can hear no noise
From any person at all

Electricity fluctuates
Darkness, light, darkness, light
And what I'm doing now
Is trying to not give a ****

I have seen it
I have seen how it
Destroys
Degrades

There is pain
Much of it
And I wish to help
You won't let me

It's *******
I know
I have felt it
In my earlier days

The days that you smiled
Are those I miss
The sound of your laugh
Is almost just a memory
The days I want back

I bang at your doors
Let me in
Let me in
Let me in
For it is getting cold

She cried at night
And smiled in the morning
She looked happy
But I knew how it was
All just a ruse

I knew the lies and truths
The virtues and faults
The tears behind the smile
The darkness of her thoughts

She was sick
Sick of how the world treated her
Sick because her heart worked
She loved the same way I did:
Unrequitedly

The same stories
The same laughs
The same people
And it still feels
Just like home
Every bit of it

What do I miss?
Empathy
Innocence
Happiness
And having no social anxiety

I miss caring, warmth, security
Along with hopes and dreams
I miss my positive thoughts
I miss silence in my head

I miss her and her and her
And all of their voices
And their eyes
And their soft words
And how they said my name

I miss being young
Stupid
Unafraid
*Alive

Happiness like this is irrational
It is a happiness I do not enjoy
Because it ends up dissipating
One way or another

Dopamine and adrenaline
Run through my body
I feel like I'm alive again
Like hundreds of horses gallop in my veins
And thousands of butterflies fill my stomach

Then you disappear
Leaving me with nothing
But the air you had breathed
And the feeling fades
And it fades
And it fades
And it fades

I used to feel fireworks fly and go off in my head,
My eyes used to light up like supernovas,
And my heart used to jump out of my chest like a frog in hot water

The feelings I had for you once brought cheer
And let the angels come down from heaven
To combat the demons that held me to the ground
And prevented me from ascending towards God's light
Alas, those days are gone like leaves in the wind

I am greeted by a dark, starless nighttime sky
(A sky which used to burst into color)
I drown in the somberness of it all
And let it embrace me in all its tenebrous beauty

Without love there are no fireworks in my head,
The stars in my eyes begin to dim and fade,
And my heart does not beat
I wish that my feelings for you could once again open the clouds
And show me the angels who freed me from *******,
But those feelings are gone and those days have passed

I need to feel the fires
Without the heat
I am lost

Stoke the flames!
Make the fire burn brighter
I am blind in the dark

Keep it burning!
Burn more fuel, you *******!
Burn everything to keep the fires alive!

Cut down trees
Burn all the gas
Do whatever it takes!