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 Oct 2018 cleann98
Anne Scintilla
suddenly all of the pens i own
are either gone,
empty,
broken,
or left alone
no amount of penniless pettiness
came from my mouth,
no mutters,
sobs,
nor silence left
to give,
forgive the narratives,
which lingers
inching
the tip
of thy fingers,
that holds restless
itching
to scab and release
what remains
in scars
the pus which ferments
on hatred and
the scent
burning cocoa beans and smoke
that knocks on my eyes
a blurry vision
despite
rose-tainted glasses,
the taste
of bitterness
in farewell.
here i lie, between the frustrations of every transition in life.

a.s.
 Oct 2018 cleann98
Stephanie
It was the burden
I couldn’t love

You held it
And I held you

It wasn’t your core
that I finally rejected
It was your
choice
not to let it go

To let me
drown in it’s weight

You aren't here
You keep saying

As if I had a choice

You let me carry
The universe  
and viewed me with disgust
when I
forced the whisper
‘enough’

And then
let it all collapse

The shaming of the world
rasps
in my ear
and fingers wag
with
disapproval

You didn’t care enough
You let it drop
You were supposed to
crush
your
self
trying

Like any good woman
Would

Failure
Failure
Failure
You want me
to believe
Monster
Monster
Monster

And I repeat it
to myself
At the same time that I
lick the wounds
and inch my way
forward

It’s a withered self
that lives with me now
And all the weight
that’s left
is my own

But
I was always
strong
enough
to carry
that
 Oct 2018 cleann98
Vener
Compromise
 Oct 2018 cleann98
Vener
Cry for the people who were never given a chance to shed a single tear.
--do it for the both of us
 Sep 2018 cleann98
Tatiana
I'm suffocating.
But I don't need your help,
I can handle my throat closing,
no don't call 911,
there's no reason to.

I'm choking.
But I don't need your help,
I can handle the mucus that blocks my throat,
I can spit it up just fine,
so just keep on walking.

I'm coughing.
But I don't need your help,
I can handle myself doubled over in pain,
with my chest hurting as I try to sit up straight,
so just ignore me hacking up a lung.

I'm breathing.
But I don't need your help,
I can handle hyperventilation without my inhaler,
I don't have to breathe properly to live,
so thanks for just leaving me on the floor.

I'm dying.
But I don't need your help,
it's not like I have no energy to get my inhaler,
you can totally just run out of the room panicking,
it's not like i'm scared too or anything.

I'm angry.
And for some reason,
you can't figure out why.
So leave me alone.
I'm fine now.
I can handle myself.
I don't need your help.
I'm changing the caption 4 years later because it was very angry and I don't carry that same level of anger anymore towards that person.
Except in reference to asthma
Then I'm quite angry
Asthma *****
 Sep 2018 cleann98
hormones
It never was my fault
   You never learned how
  To swim.

How can you blame me
       Now that you’re drowning?

If all you have
Are empty bottles
And half an empty
Can of glade...
       What is a broken heart
            In your eyes?

    Pitiful

           You don’t even have
     Broken shards
         And poisoned drops—

  So make sure
      Before you
    Start pointing
         Shaking fingers
       You know
  How to make
          A clean cut first.
deeper cuts=deeper love?
 Sep 2018 cleann98
imai
For You
 Sep 2018 cleann98
imai
I’ll keep you in my hands
until you bubble up and fade away
I know that something as
precious you
won’t stay
long enough for me to begin to hate
the clock is ticking,
I know that Time will not wait
for the two of us,
not for me,
not for you,
not for a couple of misfits
of has been’s and too late’s

so I’ll keep you in my arms,
and hold on to you, fiercely,
gently,
I will keep you safe.
I know I come off as a coward,
I admit that I am not brave
still,
I will toughen up,
every hardship I will face.

For you, 

whom I love dearly,
no danger is too great.
 Sep 2018 cleann98
Isabelle
it’s so hard
to walk the talk
when you are
as selfless as a candle
-burning yourself
just to give light
to others
self love, selfless
tell me how to self love when you are a selfless
 Sep 2018 cleann98
Isabelle
there is an abyss within
your ocean heart
a depth only a few can grasp
and those who don’t fear
the swallowing waves
and those who aren’t afraid
to swim and dive
will be the lucky ones
to find the beauty you hide
dare to dive
 Sep 2018 cleann98
Seazy Inkwell
Papers, Papers, Papers

Whiter than aching teeth,

Whiter than whites of tilted eyes,

Whiter than funeral wreaths.

My hands shake as I write this,
Filed away myths; Stolen lined sheets
 My index finger chained by red tapes,

words mix and ground breaks,
I'm the one the world forsakes

Yellow maize, littered leaves,
all twisted into
black ink and clean sharp white paper blades.



-------"I am in a bit of daze," I tell myself, "look at those flaccid bits;

there lay the logs who use to be the jungle of my childhood dreams."

------"Don't be amazed," I replied, "these leafless branches and twigs are for 
your Papier-Mâché degrees."


So I listen to my second self once,

the more logical cynical satirical one,

Treading on the plot of their paper works,

playing crosswords as anxiety uncork

my thoughts turn to the bankable orcs,

just as my career forks



Maybe I should be like my mother,

Marking numbers on a deck of cards-- waltzing with Chance.

Maybe I should be like my father,

Toiling for some rich men's grandson-- seething in Trance.

Maybe I should be like the Other,

Going along with the system-- thanking myself

beneath a cap, a diploma, a piece of paper.



I wore these books like bank notes tuxedoes,

I was promised the world by the credits I borrowed.

Must I go along with the mechanism of their game,

or should I rise up against all odds

Opposing, debating, rebelling against

this bundle, this trouble, funneling me into no-tomorrows

Or must I write it all down,

in my prayers against their lawyers, who need no reminds

Or must I shred, smear, and tear the papers with my own bare hands



But what will I ever be to them, friends?

A papercut, perhaps.
congrats on your first day
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