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2.5k · Apr 2018
Makeup..i
cleann98 Apr 2018
I know a girl who won't give up.
The strongest woman in the world.
She will smile
Without biting her tongue.
She will laugh
Without sadness on her lips.
She will soar
She will fly
In time---

Every single night.
She pains.
She pains.
She dies,
time
til
time
in every single
drawing breath.
Needlessly.
She cracks.
She wounds.
She breaks.
She scars.
Scarily.
Killing herself
Just to fall asleep...
Before she prays.
Makeup---
She pains.
She pains.
Yet she stands.
She tires.
She tries.
Makeup---
She smiles.
Fractured.
Yet still smiles.
Tearless.
Wearless.
Tireless.
But not painless.
Makeup---
She talks.
She pains.
She smiles.
Makeup---
She walks.
She pains.
She runs.
Makeup---
She's strong,
yet her strength
it needs refilling.
For she stands,
it aches,
yet still she has,
anaesthesia.
Makeup---
She succeeds.
Yet it pains,
walking away.
Makeu---
She goes home
Alone.
It hurts.
It hurts.
Yet she drives.
Make---
Cooks food.
Instant made.
It burns.
It burns.
Yet she eats.
Mak---
Brushes her teeth
Looks at a mirror
Seeing herself,
Smudges.
Blurs.
And yet she still
has the power
to close her eyes.
Ma---
And she lies on her bed.
With all the pain in the world.
She doesn't even
have to wash off
the makeup on her face,
she just cries it off...
M---
Before she prays.
Just to fall asleep...
Killing herself
Scarily.
She scars.
She breaks.
She wounds.
She cracks.
Needlessly.
Drawing breath
in every single
time
til
time
She dies
She pains.
She pains.
Every single night.

In time
She will fly.
She will soar.
Without sadness on her lips.
She will laugh
Without biting her tongue.
She will smile,
The strongest woman in the world.
I know a girl who won't give up.
Challenge--- Makeup--- by Imai.
For you, or Cherry, or any girl who cries herself to sleep. Wet pillows won't drown you :) Don't be afraid to cry. You'll be able to stand proud and smile without your makeup soon.
2.0k · Feb 2019
perihelion
cleann98 Feb 2019
have you once
thought about
whether or not
moths ever feel
afraid
of getting burned
by the light
they always
and forever
long to chase?

don't you think
they stop
for even a second
to deliberate
about it?

or maybe
to them
and their short life
it was worth it?

hey,
did you consider
that maybe
it's why the have
such short lifespans?

perhaps in the lenses of
miniscule eyes
of ephemeral dismal colors
in this infinite world
the warmth
of flames
are all they live for?

i don't know...
maybe that's why
we humans live longer?

we,
or at least some of us
have the mind enough
to say that
"this is the
"closest"
"i'll ever be'
"to the sun"

before we all turn into ashes.
hey icarus, if you had the chance to conquer the skies knowing you might melt your wings forever, would you even try to soar?
1.8k · Apr 2018
Habulan
cleann98 Apr 2018
Ito na ang aking huling awitin,
Awiting sa iyo'y kakantahin,
Sa tono ng mga alaalang kinalimutan,
Kandirit ng mga luhang pinakawalan,

Sa langit, sa lupa, sa ilog, sa sapa,
Sa araw araw na ako'y naghahanda,
Sa bawat gabing aking inaalay,
Sa bawat umagang ika'y hinihintay,

Pasan ko sa bawat yapak,
Ilang galon ng alak na nilaklak,
Upang limutin ang ligaya't galak,
Ang babaeng ibang landas ang piniling itahak,

Na kahit saan pumunta'y di na mahanap,
Lumingon man kaliwa't kanan di mahagilap,
Tuwing pipikit naaalala mata **** kumikislap,
Ngunit wala ka rin, sayang lahat ng pagsisikap...

Sa ganda ba naman ng ating simula,
Sino ba naman ang mag aakala?
Na sa ilalim ng punong aratilis kung san tayo unang nagkita,
Dito ngayon ako nama'y pasintonadong tumutula?

Sa dami ng mga nangyari mula nang tayo'y nagkakilala:
Saya,
Lungkot,
Ligaya...
Hanggang sa ika'y nagsimulang humarot,
Pagdududa,
T4ng*, di na dapat pa akong sumagot!

Nag-kaaway--
Upang magkabati lahat inialay,
Ngunit muli nanamang nagpasaway,
Hanggang nagdesisyon kang tuluyan nang maghiwalay...
...

Kamusta ka na?
Pasensya kung nasaktan kita,
Patawad sa mga galos at pasa,
Ngunit ang kaya ko lang gawin ay awitan ka,
Sana marinig mo huli kong mga nota,
Kahit sintonado kong kinakanta--
Kung maglaho na ako, babalik ka ba?
Maaari bang sa takipsilim na lang tayo magkita?
Di ko naman sinasadya...
Na ika'y bigla na lang mawala.
Tulad mo rin ba akong nababalisa?

Wag kang mag alala, makakasama mo uli ako mamaya--
Langit lupa impiyerno,
Saksak puso tulo ang dugo...

Given inspiration by a game we used to play during my childhood in Zambales, basically just 'tayaan' where the player who is 'it' or 'taya' can't tag the people who step on higher ground or 'langit'. But the people on 'langit' can't stay there for more than five seconds. I can barely remember the rules anymore lel.
cleann98 Apr 2018
Staring blankly,
All I see are glasses,
All half empty…

Chartreuse drips drop
Tip a tap a top.

Atop empty glasses,
And empty bottles,
On my empty table,
On my empty room—

On my empty house,
With no one else but me.

All I see are bubbles.

Frail.
Empty.

More like the reflections,
Of the sad sad face on every bubble,
Staring right back at me—

Frail.
Empty.

What if I’d just pop,
Whenever I’d take a drink?

Fated only of two things—
     To burst or to sink—

Staring bleakly,
All I see are shards.

Shards just mended together.
Shards made empty bottles,
Turned to empty glasses,

Reflecting the same empty face—
Just like glass shards…

Just broken.

I see that same forlorn face,
Behind all the alcohol bottles.

A spark quickly burning out…
Deprived even ash to even trace.

A fire that is melting…
Dying of thirst inside.

With all fingers crossed,
Hoping somehow beer could sate her drought—

All I see are bubbles,
So many bubbles,
But each single one just the same…

Frail.
Empty.

Drowning in ***,
Engulfed by *****,
Christened in whisky—

Sinking deep.
Deeper and deeper.
Down, down, down—
Always going lower,
Down, down, stop.
And then continues,
Colder, staler, darker,
Until I hit rock bottom,

Oblivion—

Pop.
2018-Feb--- A piece requested by some close friends- Title by Rose
Concept (Bubbles) by Erza
1.7k · Apr 2018
Medusa's Magical Mirror--f
cleann98 Apr 2018
You have only seen yourself two times.
One, taking a picture and looking at
     the lovely image,
Two, staring at the mirror and looking at
     your dainty reflection…

You don’t get to see how your eyes glisten,
When you look up…

You don’t get to know how
     Your face lights up,
When you talk about something you love…

Or witness how pretty you are,
     Whenever you laugh and smile—

You can never see how beautiful you are,
It’s kind of sad actually.

But I’ll be there.
I’ll be there to tell you exactly what I see—
*
—I see fissures on your lips
as you speak,
as you laugh,
as you frown.

I watch closely as flood gushes…
Storms of tears flowing through your eyes.

I look intently at your pale thin cheeks,
Looking at how they **** in.

    Every moment smaller—
    Every second slower—

Observing every micrometer of your face,
Gosh, you’re still so beautiful…
     But we both know,
That your beauty can never be mine.
     Neither it be his—

Gazing upon your face,
     One last time,
     One last chance,

Bleakly hoping I can memorise your smile…

Mesmerised one last while…
     One.
     Last.
     Look.

It’s a little bit sad.
     Only I saw your beauty.
          And now it belongs to the ground.
2017 August--- This poem is actually a collaboration between me and someone important: F.S. She always had homicidal tendencies, but believe it or not, the end part was the part I wrote.
1.6k · Apr 2018
Cupid
cleann98 Apr 2018
I owe lots to you:
Wet pillows and sleepless nights,
All these bloodstains too...
Cupid, in Greek mythology is the God of Desire, and in Latin could be derived to mean longing
1.5k · Feb 2019
shibari
cleann98 Feb 2019
how long will it take
for this tangled mess
you've bound yourself in
to turn into actual art?
i just can't wait to look you in the eye
and tell myself
that soon enough
these chains
i've bound myself with
will eventually
lead me somewhere too...

~hi! if you don't know what ******* means, it's kind of like a contemporary art to do with ropes and people c: that's all i can say~

*if you want to, look it up, it's beautiful hehe*

*also (obviously not sponsored) but lyk still plugging Lang Leav "Love Looks Pretty On You" just finished it thrice, give it a read if you're into folios :>
1.4k · Nov 2018
droplets
cleann98 Nov 2018
i was perfectly empty
until we met
and you became my fill

pouring me your all
all against my will.

and yet
all i became was
drier
just as
you were leaving
colder
just as
i was healing

and as i find another
perhaps then

i'd be emptier
still
okay please read the poem 'forever on my mind' by Lang Leav I can't remember which folio tho maybe Universe of Us?

anway i've always been her fan and she never fails to make me write whenever i read her works they feel like so much magic
1.4k · Apr 2018
Necrophilia..c
cleann98 Apr 2018
You've always seen right through me...
It's like
I'm looking into your eyes
    and I see forbidden fruit...         
a forbidden love         
It's like
I'm staring into a mirror
trying so hard          
to look for myself    
but all I see is black.
Like a corpse---            
It's like
I give all I have
In love with you
---Ectoplasm---    
             I give all I am          
To be with you
To let you feel      
  Who I am...
----I am a poltergeist----   
It's like
I'm reaching out
My hands open wide
Extended towards you
      and when              
you look                  
it's like                      
     you don't even see me----
We hug
and it's as if    
you could          
almost just              
pass right through me----
It's like
We love each other...
But it feels like                  
Necrophilia.        
It's like I'm gone...
even if you're looking            
straight into my smile                
my smile I force myself
for you to see                  
it's like you're still looking---                
you can't see me can you?    
forcing a smile
on my face          
day          
by              
day                
do you even know
      that I just smile for you          
because
I'm tired of you
always crying for him        
   night              
    by            
night        
But you can't even
See the smile don't you?
----It's like I'm his ghost----
It's like
I'm a nightmare            
and I'm haunting you                
except I'm right here          
always right in front of you.                        
------always waiting to be noticed.    
always.        
Waiting for you to realize
That love is not a ghost.                    
Love is not a graveyard.                    
Love is not somewhere lost.            
Love is not sealed up in heaven.    
Nor is it burning in the void of hell.
Love is here                              
Love is waiting in front of you                      
always----                                                  
even as you were crying for him                  
    even as you were lying for him
even as you were fighting for him        
even as you were falling for him                        
even as you were breaking over him
even as you were blinded by him                         
even as you were losing him
even as you were mourning for him...    
always----
Even if I'm            
the only love                
you're allowed                  
to love,                                      
you've never                
allowed yourself                
to love me...                              
You've always seen right through me...
We are both alive but when we hold each other it feels like necrophilia---- there is emptiness in your eyes even if I pour all I am to fill you up daily....
1.2k · May 2018
stop motion..c
cleann98 May 2018
staring at a window
a distance of
two inches away
        the world outside
    falling...
    piece
    by
    piece
    by
    piec­e
             buys
             pieces
             buys
             peace
                       by
                       pieces
                       it
                       pierces
          please------
     all i have
          in silence
                 in hushes
          your flushes
                               pierces...
                 one
                 two
                 three
          then your smile,
              all that is left...
          no longer pleases...
like puzzles
they scattered
                          all in pieces
               so hard to place together
         yet so **** hard to supress
                   i hate it.
if she loves me
yet she
loves me not
            can't seem to fit.
         i place in
   all the moments
       one by one
       bit by bit
                             altogether
             infinitely
                         tirelessly
                in repeat.
                         every single smile
             serene in capture
      even the tone
          of her song
                    caught in record
every flicker of her hair in my mind
just like a screenshot
              and even the blink
      of her eyes
           each individual dot...
    she loves me?
    she loves me not?
                  the flashes
        in and out
  staring at the window
      only two inches away...
           listening closely------
  she loves me?
  or she loves me not?
                 the outside world
     like a breathtaking blossom
     bald of petals...
           falling
                piece
                by
                ­piece.
TORPE (Filipino slang terminology)----- the foolish process of supressing your feelings for someone because of fear
1.2k · Apr 2018
Drifters
cleann98 Apr 2018
W                            e                        s          ­   t             a           r          t         e      d            f       a       r          a       w     a      y      f    r   o   m     e  a  c h   o t h er now wehavenowhereelsetogobutruntogether but no o n e   r e a l  i  s  e   d     t    h    a    t      w    e      s    h   a    l     l       a      l     w      a       y       s         b        e         d        r        i         f         t           e        r        s         r      u        n          n          i         n        g            t      o       w      a       r      d         w    h    a    t     l  o ve nextoffers.
Love shall always have it's directions and misdirections---- But it shall never be left nor right, not even correct or wrong, just together and apart.
1.1k · Aug 2018
inhale.r
cleann98 Aug 2018
i am not
science
or
maths
or english.
not
of medicine
or engineering
or managenent

neither academic
nor vocational

i do not
belong
to white
or blue
or yellow
not
even
black

not
brains
not
brawns

i do not speak
of any jargon
not
professional
not
unpronessional

my place
is placeless.
my trace
is traceless.


colorless
formless.

only
a
breath breathing
human being


inhaling
the same air
of socrates
or lao tzu
or alcibiades

exhaling
the air
for more
thinkers
and
tinkerers

i am my past
and my future is i
no matter
who i was
or who i choose to be.

i will be
because career guidance week at school atm
btw based on one of my favorite works
1.1k · Jun 2018
more things we call love
cleann98 Jun 2018
second chances
  third chances
      fourth chances
     renewed trusts
replenished damaged belief
               pride and prejudice
hurt and sadness
           fifth chances...
      making up
               making out
        waking up half ashamed
             walking out half naked
     walking off the emptiest night of your lives
                      forcing a smile
                  pretending to be fine
         pretending to be fine
                                pretending to be fine
            pretending to be fine
                 lying            
                     knuckling under
                                       lying
                                falling behind
                          pretending to believe each other
               trustfalls
                   with
                      a
                 harness
                          trust
                         falling
                          apart
trust broken forever.
       sixth chances...
                 tears-----
          weeping-----
           sobbing-----
                    gnashing of teeth-----
   staring into the mirror blankly at 3am
               crying yourself up until 9
glass shard pressed smoothly
                                                     against your wrist
                                            total darkness...      
                               undoable sadness...
                      uncurable brokenness...
              unsatiable...
       irrevocable...
irreversible...
           -------seventh chances
                pain.
       ------eighth chances
           cries.
    ------ninth chances
        lies.
-------tenth chances
      more 'last' goodbyes.
              et cetera
maybe a sequel to 'things we call love' ? don't know
943 · Jun 2018
force of habit
cleann98 Jun 2018
i used up
all of my
energy
to keep me
from saying
'i love you'
before i
could hang up.
legit bit my tongue.
umm it really is possible to be good friends with an ex, you have to bite your tongue a lot and fight the force of habit so much... and yes it hurts more than biting your tongue off but if you find all of those worth it i guess you're ******* up?
(lol welcome to my world!!)
898 · May 2018
hesitation..c
cleann98 May 2018
it's like
most of the time,
it's her chat head
that's staring
glaring at me
in my screen

yet it feels like
most of the time,
backspace
was the only button
i've always
been pressing.
torpe? ------oo.
821 · Jun 2018
capitalism
cleann98 Jun 2018
in a world where
you stole      
the end days      
of my life      
and sold it back to me              
for half my whole...      
faith is a business              
for the opportunist                    
and hope for the                        
luxurious-----    
----my world----        
only a room                        
and a stage wide              
dying every morning                      
and revived every night                            
pole                    
after                  
pole                
      after        ­    
pole          
after      
pole    
  and yet still none could    
catch my fall.                      
  my world where
water is as scarce          
as dryness------                              
                     and sleep is abundant in supply            
as respite is bursting in demand            
and love is a capitalist.
lol remember vanessa from deadpool?
799 · Mar 2019
chromatography
cleann98 Mar 2019
here..
counting the  
rhythym  
of passing            
heartbeats
chasing      
fleeting  
car seats.        
everything      
r      
e                
d                        
drifting...
this has been sitting in my drafts kinda too long now and it took me a while looking at this to say that this is already a complete poem. i hope.

a little fitting right? sometimes the things we keep chasing all turn out as red lights in the end...
719 · Jul 2019
one with the flies.
cleann98 Jul 2019
make your grave
the lap on my thighs...

your open casket coffin
calls for the nip of your
soft rotting flesh
on its skin

if i have to hold you
while fleeting, decaying
losing yourself alive...

i'd rather be mother death
forever still watching over you.
S E N D    M O A R    G A S O L I N E
i need much edge.

thanks i guess.
710 · May 2022
monoliths.
cleann98 May 2022
there's just something about
the stillness of these stones
that sings me to tears—
     today is august 5, 2026...
     today is august 5, 2026...

so screams the years of
layers of dust encrusting
the petrified earth; lonely,
rid of her supple footsteps
to graze and wipe it clean.

like the stagnant roots
that seem to have given up
creeping to grasp for any
foot to cling to or touch
i can only stay so still...
     knowing oh so well
     everything we touch
     turns only to soil.

i could act myself a fool
greeting barren outcroppings
only to the reply of my own voice
hoping that the once green grass
would once again bloom
to the bliss of my welcome—
     but i'd rather settle for silence...

instead of crackling leaves;
stepping, all i heard were
my shoes against pavements,
failing to muffle the cries
from underneath my feet.

*someday, somehow
i will make it so
these lands will know
soft rains once more—
something i wrote before my life just started shutting down~~ partially inspired by he short story 'there will come soft rains' by ray bradbury (hence the august 5, 2026 thing) and mostly just from he rush of feelings i had imagining how my now abandoned childhood home (where the ashes of my mom, dad, grandpa, and grandma are) back in the province looks like when i would eventually return there...

this poem means a lot more now after visiting there last month for the first time in two years since the pandemic began and yeah ._.
634 · Jun 2018
teardrop inkstain
cleann98 Jun 2018
she was dying
out of sobs
to weep for him
while he was running
out of curses
to write for himself
ever found yourself with someone on the same page but of two different books?
627 · Jul 2019
entschuldigung. [haiku.]
cleann98 Jul 2019
i've shed my own skin
drowning in flammable blood
and yet i still thirst—
okay, i promised a friend i'm gonna have to write a longer version of this so imma do that real soon too.

so i just found out that entschuldigung is one of the many ways to say sorry in deutsch (although apparently it's used more like 'excuse me') and apparently by breaking down the word, it can also mean 'deguiltify'

so like, saying entschuldigung is like saying:
"please take away my guilt."

so, here, another guy with a thirst for forgiveness.
thank u.
cleann98 Mar 2019
in my mind
           all i really
      wanted
      was mind enough
         to say no...
                  and yet
as i had knelt...
and as i had pleaded..
     all i could ask for
                                    was ignorance
               and all i could say
          was thank you
                          for all the venom---
                   still
           it
                              feels just
              a little bit sad
                                  i couldn't
  ask for more...
                               more drops
                          by
              drops
wishing
  ­                                wanting
                         ­                                              waiting
                   washing down
       falling



       even deeper






       ever faster
    






                                              ­intoxicating
sating myself more and more in this
scrumptouos feast of more and more
                 and with every single mouthful
i take in
                  my appetite begs for more and more
       yes
                           i am a wolf.
           the lowest of the low
                     in a tripartite soul.
and i can't help
                            but fill myself up
     no matter how much
                  i weigh myself down.
                                      i just want more.
                          more of bullets
       for every single word you say
                  more of icicles
              for every single awkward touch
more of daggers
                for every single glare you look me
                 down with

                                   more of poison
       for every single lie you make me swallow
        forcefully down my own throat saying
        that you've always been true

                                                           ­  more of you...
for every single night i waste
away lying wide awake lying
to myself about not regretting
every sound i taught, trained
my tongue to incarcerate until
you were no longer there to listen

                       more of flames.
        the feeling i get whenever you
         quench my burning aching hunger.

                more of flames
that blazing glimmer i become
when everyone looks at all my
scars with disappointment.

                               i want more of flames.
                     and i just want to burn it all down
along with you.
                  and then
                                   i'd happily engulf myself
     engorge myself
                                  on all our
shared
                     pain
                                                         and
                                misery
     knowing that no one will ever
           knowingly share anything else with me...
                                                                let me bask
                     at least one last supper
in the blissful toxin
                                   of our cannibalism
                   and one last time
                       we'll cast a miracle and
     burn
                               in the gluttony
of our lustful intersuffering
                                                  ­drowning drunk
        from the deathly fermentation
                        of our own flowing blood
              knowing
    we'll never again
                          have to wake up
                 with a killer of a hangover tomorrow.
requested by~~ i*** and a****~~ quite difficult actually, i hope i don't disappoint you two :<

anyway, it is not like this is much of an anecdote to my life but this really resonates to me a lot, and honestly i based this on a friend of mine  and it really isn't an unusual thing anyway.

ever tried to tell the world to f*c* off? it's kind of hard to do it when you're acting humane and all alone...

anyway, thanks for reading!!! please let me know what you think i could improve on this style on the comments :3

~~
ps. king for a day by ptv rules.
588 · Jun 2018
chaos theory
cleann98 Jun 2018
she was a system
i can never violate again
yes
544 · May 2018
The Scientist
cleann98 May 2018
it was almost like
      coldplay
    and it was painful----

we both knew
    it was love
we both knew
    it shouldn't be
we both knew
    it would hurt
we both knew
    it should matter
and we both didn't care...

all theories must be tested
all facts, proven
          -----trial-----
     nobody said it was easy
  
            with you,
                nothing ever is...

   we would kiss
        error
             we'd hold hands
           error
  we would text
     error
                   looking into your eyes
                                 error
        staring back into mine
                                  error
            you'd talk to me
            error
   i'd talk back
      error
            you'd scream
                     error
          i'd shout
                                      error
             ­               error
                                     you would walk out
                 error
      error
            i'd chase you
                      error            error
            ­     error
                                      we'd make up
        error
                     we'd make out
                error                                error­
                       error           error
         error
             we'd run    error
                        i  take you    error
                error
                     error
                 error         to my        error
                     you'd take off      error
          error               error
                            error on your               error
        my  error          error  ­whisperror
    error               error
                        error           and     error
          error      moans error   error
     error       moans      error
              moans     error      error
  error          error     moans   error moans
                     moans     erroroans      error
           moerror                     error       error
   error          error            error     error
              error                errorants
        ­ error              error    error
                       errorheavily            error
               error       breathing     error    
                          error sleep
               i wake up
                 error
                                  you weren't there
                                             error
                          error
                       ­ error
                          error
                      ­      error
                          it feels error
                               error but painful
                                           error worth it...
                      -------trial-------
         i worked out
            the maths
               the algorithm
     the look in your eyes
          the magnitude
       of the impending crash
             the way you bit your lip
                     and we'd surely burn
                error---
          like the way you just took of
  but the way you took everything off
                     it hurt
              and it felt so good
                   more than anything else
                  more than anything else
         therefore we have conclusive proof
              but like any other science
           we need to
                             replicate the results
                  just like a coldplay
                       stuck on repeat
                        -------trial-------
error?
514 · Apr 2018
Aesthetics
cleann98 Apr 2018
In her world everything had to be perfect from head to toe. Until she met the man who was so and so.

She wanted to accept him but the gravity was far too much. She could never fall for someone as sloppy as such.

So he tried again, this time training, whipping himself to perfection. Time then passed by, and he was too 'normal' to catch her attention.
508 · Apr 2018
Obsessions..d
cleann98 Apr 2018
Pay close attention

My heart is still beating,
My heart is still alive.
It’s just our love that stopped burning.
It’s our clock that stopped ticking.
Our world that stopped revolving.

Shh just listen

I’m still hurting,
My love is still blazing,
My clock still clicking,
My world still rotating—

Over you…

My heart,
My love,
My clock,
My world,

Not over you…
For my (I can't even say her pseudonym lel)--- I'm not even obsessed, it's just my words that keep coming back to her though.
507 · Jan 2022
babbling brooks.
cleann98 Jan 2022
cold autumn waters
rushing its way
underneath my feet
weaving through
             toe to toe
     slicing
          hacking its way
                   through the legs of my seat--
so naturally shining
the reflected beams
of sunlight
          knew how to pick
                which stream
        of which inch
                      of which hairline
               of the river
                            to show oh so clearly
            straight into my eyes--
this was exactly how
                                    i remembered
    the words flowing
                singing and dancing
         all so merrily in my mind.
                      and yet
                    --silence--
   i sit and stew
              in the comfort of my room--
          the fan spews nonesense
       whispering frigid sweet nothings
                      it distracts me
                  so i turn it off.
                      the light shone too brightly
                showing me far far too much
         it annoys me
                         so i turned it down.
                   the natural sounds
               the allure of the wild
                        the little chirps and peeps
                      and the babble of the brooks
i remember none of them
sounding like the clicks and clacks
        that i hear with every press of my finger
                             and every character i delete
                it discomforts me
                        i took a deep breath.
             and another.
                             closing my eyes
       i still saw a faint red through it's thin lid
                   i tried to picture
    the same magical world
                             i used to write in
               back when i was a bard
                     and everything
         the light touches
                                       would be my kingdom
                            my muse.
               and i smiled...
                     all my vivid recollections
       the people and worlds i breathed life to
                  the words that used to be so so alive
             it all felt empty
                    so i opened my eyes
    and tried to write again--
and it turned out... subpar •.• sorry, it's heen two years! i promise my writing senses will thaw out eventually °^°
494 · Jun 2018
longest ride home
cleann98 Jun 2018
it was the longest walk of my life
          and the longest pauses
     with the longest argument with myself...
       long story short...
               i lost.
             so i'm dragging my leg
    step by step
       and i don't even need to open my eyes
                it's like
                   i'm so sure
   of whatever is in front of me
            and so sure
               i don't want
                  to see it.
                        ------or hear it
                        ------or feel it
          -----home-----
               or be the first person
         to actually say it...
     that it's just a house
             and it's the longest time i felt
             standing still ever...
                   the porch is still there
                        but the scent of marijuana isn't
    and the garage
           still left open
       and the dent of my head
               still there on the rusty pick up.
                         and the tears mom left
                   i don't know but i smell it...
            it's the same house
               that it was yesterday
        but it's not the same...
                    all of the sudden
           allice charges toward me
           barking as energetic as ever
       and yet it feels
as if i'm not the same person
she licks on the cheek everyday
        ------no------
                   crackling leaves below me
             don't even crackle the same way...
       stepping on dried sticks and twigs
      don't even sound like they did yesterday      
it's like the house itself is telling me
            this is where i don't belong
    this is where i can't belong
         this is where i shouldn't be
                    yet i simply have to be
                 my grandma walked
                       even slower
                           today than ever...
                     "what happened"
                               she asked me----
              ----sigh----
                          and i honestly
                 want to sigh again
                          as deeply as i could
                    and just fall there.
                            ----deep breath----
               it feels like i don't
     even have to say it
                            the look on her face
                  feels like
       her heart is
                        already crumbling
                worse than
                           they did
            when she saw
             my dad
    and her dad
and mom's dad
                          on a coffin going home-----
        as if the same heart
       could rebreak so many times
                   i don't know
            how to stall anymore
   or if there are any
          other ways
                   to sugarcoat
                      a bitter pill
             slathered in mud
             soaked 10feet underwater
                        then buried 6 feet underground
                 "i'm sorry"
       she takes the words
             from my mouth
                      and wraps around me
          this solid warmth...
                so tangible
         so real
                     "you don't have to tell me."
    and then she whispers...
                    inaudible words----
           that smelled a lot
                  like mom's afternoon ****
and her morning omelette with coffee black
              ----home.
one batch
two batch
penny and
dime.
cleann98 Jul 2019
fashion your altar
from the tongue
in my mouth
i shall never
cease to sing
your highest praise

use my bones
make them yours
as a temple
wherewith you grace
with your blessings

and with all
the living skin
of my flesh
carve your image
that no one
shall ever forget

as i whisper
of your name
then every knee
shall simply surrender
and every tongue
soon shall confess...

that the sweetest
most sacred sacrilege
is the sin
to savor you
nothing ever better
nor would you
give any less
used to be a fragment of a poem i wrote before, but kinda reimagined.

*explicit but worth it*
still thank you for reading^^
470 · Dec 2018
home.
cleann98 Dec 2018
mama, i made someone happy yesterday!
i smiled as the door opened
              just as i always did
it was my first time to be chosen
    to be honest i was so nervous
they made me try out so many clothes
they said i had to look as pretty as i should
         they said they were trying to bring out
         my youthful look...
i never thought that meant
     more skin.
     more chest.
     more legs.
              he was an old man
wrinkles ravaged round his face
yet his smile had no blemish
          he stared at me
          and chose me almost immediately
i was never more proud
yet i was clueless of what next to do
    i should have wrote to you as early as then
         but as soon as
       we arrived
                          at my 'new home'
                or at least that was how he called it
   he called me to his room
            he nearly had to kneel
            in order to see me
                eye
                to
                eye
      i thought he was going to hug me
      as he leaned in
                                 he just undid my bra
            his hands were huge
            they cover almost my whole chest
he asked me to take of my shorts
        and he was smiling
   for once i knew
              i was doing something right
i barely slid my undergarment off and he pressed me against the unsuspecting bed
       he grabbed both my legs
                    as he told me to open them
              while he tole me to close my eyes
    he started
          pushing against me
      it was so so hard             so painful
relentless      excrutiating            i had to
                 bite my tongue to stop myself
         from screaming
               i think i was bleeding?
           i felt the blood pour out
                        i couldn't take it.
    i couldn't ask him to calm down
               it was just way too fast
he was panting                breathing heavily
         grunting         driving himself too hard
    it was like he could run out of breath
                       i wanted to make him stop
i really did
                   trust me.
            but as soon as i tried to shout
      or help him or something
                he fell over
          don't worry though he was still breathing
                           and his face
he just looked way too happy
           i was paralyzed the rest of the day
     until now i can barely stand up
                    but he was just so in bliss
       i hope you're proud of me mama.
              he said earlier he'd be taking me back
to the warehouse later
            i don't know why though.
     do you think he'll tell them i've been
         a good daughter?
                   i hope so.
mama i hope you write me back.
cleann98 Jan 2019
when she was crying
i made her laugh
she was a tough crowd tho
and then i was insensitive

when she was up in the clouds
i opened up my problems
just spoke my mind like she said i should
and so suddenly i was the one spoiling the mood

when she was oceans away from me
i told her ever so slightly that i missed her
of course i always do
then i was way too clingy

and as i was with her
apparently i wasn't with her enough
to show that i care

while we were drifting apart
i did my best to chase after her
so much that she felt restricted

and then when she suddenly decided to leave
and i decided to respect her decision
she decided to say i was the one who wasn't doing enough
ecclesiastes 3 says that everything has a perfect time under the sun. when's my time to be right?
458 · Jun 2022
n95
cleann98 Jun 2022
n95
if only any crowd i enter
could give me that same old
mystic ecstatic airborne drug
of elated nightblindness...

or at least a break from this
damp dormant disillusionment,

you would definitely find me
anywhere roaming rampant
restless and so discontent—

        —instead of gasping
        for oxygen that
       we didn't already
        use up together,

or suffocating myself
with the refused exhales
i used to scream out
as soon as you weren't there
to listen to me obediently
accordingly silently suffer...

                 you did tell me once before
      that you will do to me
                     ...whatever you wanted to;

well, now that i seem to
no longer matter to you,
would you be so kind
and take away all this*
useless infected air away too?

       cause if breathing
   just means to inhale
            the same breath i used to
         cry out every single night
    i let you scar and bruise me...
why the **** would i?
446 · Jun 2018
head lights
cleann98 Jun 2018
there was a
      lantern
              perched in
                  my hand
                      and i was
      too afraid to
                           light it
                    yet the horrors
    in the road
        wasn't what
                terrified me,
            it was the destination ahead.
                        the light i held
              sought the
  road to
       illuminate
                 and yet
                       i just know
             it wasn't
                   the road
       i was taking
                nor could it be
          the roads
                     i will be passing...
                                it will be the road
              i take when
                            i finally decide
                                                to take a u-turn.    
with one foot down and a weary knee
                      thinking about
        every afternoon
             going to the 'right' garage
                      after strolling in the
                   wrong neighborhood
                             staring blankly
                                  at all the cities
              all the towns
all the villages
     all the blocks  
          all the intersections
               all the streets
                         in all garages
        that could've possibly been 'right'
                   and one that could've
              possibly been home
    possibly been hope
                         i park at the house.

          all i see is a
                one
             way
                  street
               stretching
                         forever
                             in front   
                               of me...
                               and the ride back home
                      so far away------
                                               finally
                                                   i
                                              found
                                                the
                                            reason
                                             to
                                       light
                                    up
                    the
way.
crash?
445 · Apr 2018
AAAAAAAAAAA
cleann98 Apr 2018
Laughter turned to screams without Her.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
----request by Erza: piece about H----
442 · May 2018
a fair tale
cleann98 May 2018
once upon a time
you hurt me badly
so i swore to myself
i'd never let you
be happy anymore

but then
i saw you
in a corner
crying
so i made a promise
i'll do everything
to make you smile again.

and we
l̶i̶v̶e̶d̶
happily
...
ever
after
It's not always a fairy tale
but a fair tale is all i ask.
440 · Jun 2018
Watercolor
cleann98 Jun 2018
the more I try
to give us color
the more we smudge
and blur altogether
do we need a new canvas?
or a new paint?
or a new artist?
437 · Apr 2018
Love and a Broken Heart
cleann98 Apr 2018
It takes love to twist a heart,
It takes love to break it,
It takes love to mend part by part,
And love to make the pieces fit,
You see, love can really tear you apart,
Love shatters you bit by bit...
But it takes love for a fresh new start,
And I promise you, love will be worth it---
For lovers both broken and complete
425 · Jun 2018
khaleesi
cleann98 Jun 2018
if you're not the one
who was destined only for me
then i refuse to believe in destiny
lol really should've been a haiku but i just don't want to condense it
anyways, apparently khaleesi is becoming quite a popular name now in the western culture umm sure that's brave... but yeah we all know what character is behind that name right? (if you don't, go watch game of thrones, now.)
422 · Jun 2018
mutation..s
cleann98 Jun 2018
she kissed her knees
waiting for the wind
to take her slowly away.
             yet the hands of time
             were far too patient
         making her stay.
               she was in pain
    and way too
           lonely
        and yet
she never wanted company
                 just the storm
                       and she
      doesn't deserve it:
                   neither the rainfall
                   nor this draught.
                         she kissed her knees
                                 and whispered
            out of new words to pray
                            "please."
                she barely even muttered
                                  "just take me today."
                       hands pressed tight together
     and lips trembling shut
                   kissing her
            wet and salted knees
       with her back against the wall
                facing a hard place
           a dead end
                    to a thousand feet freefall
     and rock bottom...
                to dust.
                       she kissed her knees
          with closed eyes
                   and an open wrist...
      waiting for her tears
      to slowly drown her----
              with one more
                   shattered bottle
           beside her
                      and one less
                            plea to say.
                 "just take me away."
      she kissed her knees
           and she hugged her legs.
                 all soaked in her own waste
  and her own faults
              she nods her head
      totally out of lies to
         chant herself asleep
                     until she gnawed herself
               downwards
                         six feet deep.
                              she never became a
         failed adult
                   because life blew up
            in her face so suddenly
                            all she is
                                           is a shattered child
                     waiting for life
                             to spew her out.
                                          she kissed her knees...
whoop a little disturbing? sorry...
umm challenge by Sylph----- a little off the topic but still lol
414 · Jul 2018
silver screen.
cleann98 Jul 2018
Serenity was her face—
Yet it felt like wildfire…
Three in the morning and          
its as if                  
she doesn’t even care        
how badly it is
raining.        
Amid the thousand city stars,            
just like she    
can see none of them—
she outshines all of them anyway…                
All she does is stare                                          
and I am just so              
so sure  
she is staring        
so much deeper...                    
as her eyes are covered  
   by her soaking wet hair                  
I so can simply tell.
So intently.
It is like a few hours        
only before daybreak                              
and its still like                                  
  afternoon                                      
counting the many            
restless feet                              
  of passersby                                            
continuously                                                     ­ 
slapping the wet pavement                              
slapping the soaked water                                
slapping my drenched face                              
And the only thing I can think about is thirst.  
Countless weary eyes          
watching recklessly tirelessly glancing shamelessly—

It’s like the only thing missing              
is a silver screen.                        
I can’t even tell teardrop                
from raindrop apart.      
Dripping.
Dropping.
Creeping down      
her crumbling face              
Eyes covered            
by the quickly  
fading                    
green                        
highlights                
   of her hair.                        
She is glowing while              
equally drowning…                                  
I can basically tell                                
how hard                                                  
she’s trying to keep the cold                          
I know how easily she chills          
I can actually see her shiver                
straight through          
her black Penshoppe hoodie I gave her…      
I know because                  
every                  
single                  
time                  
we stand under the rain      
she just can’t help                        
  but hold me.            
And I’d embrace her.                          
And she’d snug by my shoulders.              
It’s a lot cuter the way I remember it.            
Now all she does is stand there.                              
Hands both clenched                    
so **** tight        
they just could              
so easily burst.    
Shaking—                    
With not even a single word.            
Not even a single sound…                            
I shrug simply.                  
Imagining how even
a single utterance        
could ruin                            
this picturesque scene…        
what else can I do but look at her?
Waiting—
Just like the last time—                  
“So—”          
The man in front of her          
can barely even finish        
a word before she shakes her head
wiping the hair off her lips                          
enough to see that she’s smirking.
And for me to tell that she’s plainly hurt.    
Minutes—          
Hundred headlights passing—              
And a thousand more      
spectators passing by…        
She finally raises her chin                
showing her face        
—still so radiant amid the twilight skies—            
and flourishes                                                       ­   
so flawlessly                                              
this inviolable smile.                                      
No cracks.                              
No wobbles.                                
Not even shaken anymore...                
Exactly the same smile                  
I fell for before.      
She knows                  
just as much as I do          
that no words        
can cut it.                  
She knows only one thing can—
One step closer…                                            
He is exasperated                  
or something…      
I just can’t tell.            
But he must be.                  
All he does is stare    
at disbelief          
almost taking a step back.
And all she does is lean forward.            
One arm thrusting,                        
wrapping around his head                  
and the other      
just so confidently
bashfully                      
she hides      
inside the pocket                
of her denim pants.                    
He’s in shock      
I can tell.                  
And even though              
I know      
what that kiss really means          
I can’t simply help                  
but think of how lucky he is.                      
And how much  
I miss                  
to kiss                  
that same kiss…
But all I could really          
wrap my head about                    
is how sorry              
I feel for him.                          
If only I could pull the plug          
and scream ‘cut!’
    
“I don’t believe in smiles and kisses.”
She once looked at me            
so solemnly and said.                      
It was our first fight then.          
First almost apology.                            
First kiss.                    
First hotel room.            
First bed…                              
First time waking up together.                  
And I was too rattled                  
to even think of why.
                          
Now I get it so clearly.          
And far too late.                    
She was the first one to pull away.                
Her smile so still untarnished.                                
Unmoved.            ­        
And his face so torn:                    
half of confusion                
and the other half like heaven                      
yet only if heaven                  
was about to tear apart…                  
A face I’ve too long
been familiar with.
No goodbye.                
No hugs.          
No handshakes.                
No warnings—
    
All she does is walk away.              
So quickly        
so suddenly            
like she did with me        
all those years ago.                          
Only with a much      
much brighter smile        
this time.                
A much more aggressive kiss        
than I remember.    
Yet nothing else changed…    
Even how she shivers                
so subtly                                              
part stopping herself                                
from hugging the man            
in front of her            
and part from                
the showering cold.            
  
And I know                              
I’m far too late              
and gone                              
to do something about it
but I can’t help myself.                  
Reminding myself of how                              
I waited foolishly                
at that same park                      
knowing and not accepting                
somewhere      
at the back of my head              
that she really meant                                    
that kiss                                                        
to be a                                                                ­    
kiss goodnight...                                                     ­   
How I stared terribly                          
at the passing cars      
thinking to myself                
which one would be                          
the one to                  
hit the hit                      
that lulls me                    
to where I could                          
dream of heaven      
forever—                            
All I could think about          
is how easy it is                            
to take that step forward.
And how hard it is to stop her            
—without thinking—                    
I was racing            
faster than                    
her worn out smile              
falling apart          
catching up so fleetingly...              

And all I did was run
straight past her...

Or more accurately:
*She passed right through me
meh read this however you like :3
btw writing this kinda makes me rethink about how thin the line between prose and poetry..
414 · Jul 2018
capstone
cleann98 Jul 2018
masaya na akong
pinangingiti
ang labi
na ibang tao
ang humahalik.
in english, I'm content with putting a smile on the lips that aren't mine to kiss.
408 · Aug 2019
decode.
cleann98 Aug 2019
take care to never
confuse magic and
illusions in your mind...

you only call it
a lowly 'illusion'
when someone else
is fooling you

but it's always
ever been 'magic'
when you're the one
robbing yourself blind.
'tis weird right? like we can grow into the disillusionment from smokes and mirrors but still call it magic as if a mystical lexical escapism from the bittersweet fact that it's also called trickery.

nonetheless, thanks for reading^
399 · May 2022
gallop apace.
cleann98 May 2022
bid me break out from thy wilted willows;
beckon, my reckless abandon allowed;
touch to rouse korre her fearful sorrows;
for thine to err is my own will't enshroud.

shy, ajar curtain, love-performing night;
for thine vows aplain, tacit, unspoken;
thine weary worn feet to wash incontrite;
alas, love: rest unwoed of wheres or when.

not tamed nor swayn, no fam'ly to relent;
no montagues, no capulets, unnamed;
none more days wasted wishing a time bent;
just apollo's sky, ne'er beating hearts blamed.

say, dear romeo, has love now grown stale;
'thout sweet poems and tearful eyes to watch us—

            —fail?
another pretty old one~~ i think i made this even before the pandemic?

the title and the rest of the poem is based on a beautiful soliloquy from act iii scene ii of romeo and juliet. the poem is written in an almost perfect shakespearean sonnet format with the exception of an extra syllable or a failed rhyme at the very end (or the bad iambic pentameter in the second stanza)^

did you know that that particular soliloquy in itself would have been a perfect sonnet if it wasn't for romeo's name that just wouldn't fit the line neatly? ****, if only their names were different huh...

anyway, thank you for reading~~
391 · Apr 2019
galatea.
cleann98 Apr 2019
whenever i find myself
placing you in words

so simple
so short
so few

in the only way i know possible,
i'm just drawing
the closest i can to you.

and each single time
i paint your image

in every tint
in every shade
in every hue

in the best way i know,
i'm just showing myself
how forever i'll be with you.
i'll turn you into artwork
with even myself a canvass

each single concept
each single stroke
each single line

if it is the only way
i truly can call you mine.
...

so this dude pygmalion couldn't find his true love anywhere and he ended up sculpting his dream girl as an ivory statue naming her galatea.


long story short, since he can't have is love any way else, he wound up making her by himself.

sound familiar?



~~R E Q U E S T E D   B Y   my very cute cousin melinoe~~


anyway thank you for reading!!! please request poems or mythologies and stuff like that for me to do i really enjoyed this one :3
387 · May 2018
one way street..a
cleann98 May 2018
..closing time..
the oncoming
impending          
silently awaiting
traffic  
stretching ahead      
too far...
too long...
too wide...
..parting time..    
and a time              
to slip slowly
into
the
eternity
of
a ride.
sigh      
i'm always    
right here
watching you          
from the side...
before i knew it----
rush hour
it was like      
the traffic was          
staring at me              
all this time                  
and i don't know
but it is trying to say something
      and i don't care                              
but i've always known what it is
whatever is beyond      
in front of me    
i really don't want            
to reach it...  
everything is moving          
around and around
well around me          
so blindingly quick
but here i am,          
standing still----                    
..red light..            
i see so many
stuck
going in circles
in circles
in circles
in circles
in repeat                
in repeat                
so tediously    
i saw memories              
in a brightly flashing light        
first came smiles
then came laughter
then there were bottles
i don't even know which ones
    and more and more bottles                  
next came giggles
and whispers
and other voices
sweet nothings            
that somehow
were never really nothing                  
slowly turning bitter      
  quickly becoming swill        
..yellow light..      
i saw memories
in quickly fading beams
   screams                    
yes, i saw screams                        
i couldn't tell if it was me
shouting in your face            
or you wailing for help              
then pain      
i don't know how    
but they were visible pains              
burning pain        
screeching pain
no idea how    
but they were real            
how you ached
then i'd ache
then you'd regret
and i'd be frustrated
et cetera                  
yours?            
mine?        
painful nonetheless...          
..hazard..              
i saw you
just there
so close within reach                
yet so far beyond mine                
just there...
staring expectantly        
and either i will follow you
or leave you alone------
fade in
then fast forward      
..green light..            
and the traffic rolls in    
like the first second
in oncoming eternity
        traffic        
like crawling
footsteps          
tip
then
tap
then
***
then
tat
one by one
by two then and to
like falling rain
and i'm just certain          
where it's all headed    
down the drain
first a drizzle
then a storm
a hail
a welcome?
  it's always been there                  
and never waiting to move...
just waiting for me.          
                  ..step..    
just one
..step..        
then another    
..step..  
and our memories      
and our regrets
and our hurts        
yes, every single one              
all around me-----
..one way street..          
the traffic stretching              
all in front of me                  
so slowly
but all together
so instantly
it sunk in...                      
there was never a destination
just a long long long wait
..tire screeches..
just an abstract----challenge (traffic) by Anne Scintilla  i really have no idea what this is about, make of it what you will
375 · Jan 2020
oh the ways i missed you—
cleann98 Jan 2020
the crooked and
mishandled alleyways
of words to whisper
have always riddled
the backstreets of my mind...

i mapped them,
longer than enough
to see the ins and outs
i've known them,
more than enough...
like the palm of my hand
or the skin on my face.

it has always been
a palimpsest
of the maze i used to
be sealing myself in—
   or perhaps seeping myself out.

there were promises,
there were poems,
and of course,
there was you.

and every single word,
or every single way,
i have always been
tongue tied and
waiting and just so
so long overdue—

stuck in the prison
of a misfortunate fate...
knowing the means
and never escaping
somehow still lost

   afraid of ever stretching ways.

'hey, long time no see—'

'happy birthday! want to talk—'

'happy new year hope we still get together!'

    everything just comes out in clicks...

    'backspace'.
eyyyy i'm back omy thank you for reading!! just my regular lost and tongue-tied dude again... brand new year for brandished excuses and branded lies~~~

good day!! please comment and critique and stuff, you've read in this far anyway might as well c:
375 · Jun 2018
things we call love
cleann98 Jun 2018
dense conversations after 3am      
   waking up at 9 to continue the same dialogue
                small talks
           useless talks
  smiling at the littlest things
        and laughing at the silliest jokes
                     hugs and kisses
    secretly holding hands
               hotels and lodges
                               fancy restaurants
                    cinema backseats
                            a 4-cheese whopper
               disneyland            
that silly bucketlist that never gets filled----
                            regrets
           achievements       happiness
     nostalgia            melancholy  
        missing each other only a few days apart
                missing one over the other...
     condescension         pride and humility
                    misunderstanding
             sadness        tears    
                           blurring vision
                 slowly turning anger
                       quickly turning hate
          pretty soon turning against each other
first apologies...second apologies...third apologies...fourth apologies...fifth...sixth...
                     et cetera
            and forgivess covered by more hate----
      and absolution...    
                                    for only minutes...
                  before pain.
         and pain               and pain
               and pain      and pain         and pain
   and pain      
              et cetera
                        tears
                    sobs
­                      weeps
               goodbye.
372 · Apr 2018
Saline Lips
cleann98 Apr 2018
Bloodshot fractures
   underneath her skin,
Cracking from inside
   breaking her within—

A thousand hairlines
     tearing her apart,
   draining away all her promises…

—unheard, unfelt, unseen—

Much like the beatings of her heart.

They were saline lips,
The lips I’ve been kissing,
Drier than the driest lips,
   stealing all my love…

     —all the long stemmed roses
    Even her warmth, missing…

   So different,
      From our start.

Then, they used to sparkle,
Then, they used to shine
     her lovely velvet lips
   painting crimson mine.

I used to adore that smile,
I used to love that laughter,
     Redder than blood—

   —No hue was ever better.
Until I saw that color,
     on the lips of another man—

And now she lays,
   kissing my shoes on the floor…

And as I lean toward her face—

        —finally,

   her lips are blood red once more.
372 · Apr 2018
Adell
cleann98 Apr 2018
Spare me your frostbite
If you can never scorch me
With your burning touch
Adell is a name that could mean nobility or an act of nobility, as a shortened version of Adelaide.
367 · Aug 2018
surgery
cleann98 Aug 2018
zooming in—
   red taints the crimson
   painted floor
and not even a drop of light to see.

a room full of white
         yet all just so bleak
       just so black
    'a dream'? he dreams. almost a nightmare
  
         hands clasped tight
  just like a prayer
      basking in the silence of absent beeps
         and hopeless groans— finally

    a heart beat?
            the room fills with a sigh of relief
   before i lean in to cut his chest again.
         and hope surely spills out.
i really don't know much about how surgery works so lets leave it at that ^.^ kinda ***** tho
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