my eyes are red.

your touch feels meaningless.
your hug is without warmth.
when you speak to me,
it feels like,
you are doing it,
out of obligation.

I would rather not see you,
at all,
than witness you,
pretending to care.

a tear escapes my right eye,
as you leave.

this guilt,
is eating me alive.
i think it would hurt less,
if beetles did instead.

sometimes i want
my bath to eat me

it's not that
i want to drown
in its water

i want my bathtub
to swallow me whole

i want to feel
the warm water
cascade around my body
as i'm pulled into
unknown depths

never to return
without a trace
that i was ever
here

i have gone down a rabbit hole,
and i see no way out.
I do not see anything:
there is no light.

i wish you were here,
but you are far away.
i guess i will sit here,
with my thoughts,
and stare into darkness.

I know I am really odd.
I think
My isolation,
Speaks for itself,

But,
People scare me.

My room,
Feels so safe.
Its four walls,
Are predictable.
They never say,
The wrong thing,
Or make me feel,
Like a lesser being.

They also,
Never respond to me.
And,
The constant droll,
Of my inner monologue,
Uninterrupted,
Is exhausting.

I stay away
in my bubble
safe from harm
safe from harming

but today
i had to step out
the pop was so loud
and
you fell to the ground

your tears never stopped
the floor around us
was soaked
your eyes
were red and vulnerable

it broke my heart
to look at you
you turned around
and left my view
almost, somehow
as if you knew

this guilt
is eating me alive
i think it would hurt less
if beetles did instead